


Sonder

by stateofdusk



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-05-02 12:50:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 47,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5248853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stateofdusk/pseuds/stateofdusk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were fooling the media and the rest of the world. Their soon-to-be marriage was a hoax. Ali was trying to set her past right and Ashlyn was trying to set her future straight. It was all supposed to go smoothly, but humans and relationships are far to complicated to ever do so.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Dress

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Wonderland](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/169615) by Ohsweetnatinghgale. 



_**Sonder** _

_n._ the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you.

\--

She never imagined a winter wedding much less a wedding without her mother. Yet there she was, in five months she would be getting married and as much as she wanted to put a hold on things, she knew, this much, she owed her family. Glancing out into the Orlando sea front she took a sip of her tea, settling herself deep into the white couch. She was not used to this warm weather in the middle in October. D.C weather was far less forgiven than Floridian weather. As the pages turned in the calendar it came the realization that her wedding was fast approaching but the beautiful blue sea and orlando sun did very few to remind her, much like her wedding it was a facade. In Ali’s head, she was away on vacation enjoying the warmth, not dreading what was meant to be the happiest day of her life. Her grasp on the mug tighten at the sound of the phone ringing, peace was a relative term. She sighed at the ID displayed on her phone screen. As much as Hope’s intentions had been good, perhaps her ability reading people weren’t as good as she thought.

“Hello”

“Ali, I just got in contact with Ashlyn about the honeymoon. She has an award presentation two days after the wedding, I think its best we move the honeymoon further away. It’s important she makes an appearance that day. You know, sponsors and all” Ali closed her eyes trying to picture the calendar in her head.

“That’s the only day of the year the rain of meteors will visibly happen, I thought the honeymoon was what I got a say on?”

“I know, and I am sorry, I truly am. Maybe there is somewhere else you can go?”

“At this point Ashlyn can decide it herself” Ali huffed only to be returned by silence on the other end making her frustration worse. Solo has good intentions she reminded herself.

“Maybe you and Ashlyn can talk it over, Ali”

“Yes, yes of course” she sullenly replied, tears swelling up. “I’ll try calling her now and discussing it. Just Hope, don’t bother her with anymore wedding things, I’m sure whatever request she has I’ll support.” She reasoned with the older woman.

“Is everything alright?” Hope questioned through the line. How did Ali get here? Her chest filled with tremors, her voice threatening to quiver if voiced. The simplicity of one question could cause so much emotion out of her. She renounced herself to speak knowing her silence was causing more damage than good.

“Yes, yes” she reassured the PR prodigy. “Just slightly overwhelmed with everything” Ali furthered lied through her teeth.

“You have nothing to worry about Ali. The media is buying all this up as we speak, no one will find out a thing. Just be prepared for a several more public appearances heading your way.” Hope’s voice echoed through her ear.

Bidding the woman goodbye, Ali comforted herself with her once hot tea. She knew she should start getting ready for tonight. _Tonight._ The idea of it all made her shudder. It was their fourth appearance together as a couple, only two more appearances before they announce their engagement to the world. Her only saving grace for the evening was the event itself, St. Jude. At least she would be in company of beautiful children to brighten her day.

Ali could still remember their first introductory date. In her eyes it had gone terribly. To an outsider, specifically the paparazzi outside, they looked like a couple enjoying a perfect date in intimacy. Ashlyn’s words had been short and to the point, in reality only talking points of the contract. For the blonde, it had occurred to Ali, it really was all about the image they put out. Ali could of said no, she reasoned with herself. She could of walked out of the hotel that night and never signed the contract. She could of told Hope that whatever ‘match’ she saw between her and Ashlyn clearly was mistaken. Yet, she hadn’t, even though she had been so close to doing so. She had fallen for the blonde’s plead that night.

She still remembered Ashlyn’s hand loosely wrapped around her wrist. Her hazel eyes baring into hers. In that one second as the blonde had begged her to consider the contract Ali thought she had seen sorrow and fear in the keepers eyes. She had almost felt sorry for the blonde.

Perhaps like Solo, she had read wrong too.

In truth, Ali didn’t believe in fairytales, that much was clear from her life, but she could always remember her eleven year old self dreaming of love and marriage. Even at such a young age with her parents divorce she had been realistic with her dreams.

All the brunette truly wanted was for someone to support her dreams, someone who understood her busy schedule and half work-out clothes wardrobe. Alas, even her own family couldn’t keep up with her dreams. Hearing the waves crashing in the background she decided to bring herself back to reality or at least whatever sense of reality she was living in. Being part of a manufactured relationship clearly was not the best sense of reality. She had a role to play, a fantasy to paint, and most importantly a timeline to uphold. As much as she despised this version of reality, the idea of being divorced equally carried pain in her. She didn’t want to be like her parents.

Silence. That seemed to be the most constant thing in her life right now. It seemed to be the one thing she would carry forever.

Standing up she directed herself back to her room, staring at the large, beautiful wrapped box placed center on her bed. She didn't have to read the name on box to realize it was designer.

_Ali,_

_I figured we could make some impressions tonight._

_I hope you enjoy it._

_Ashlyn_

She read and reread the message, her heart pounding as her eyes skimmed the words. Her emotions flooded her body with the excitements only gifts and surprises should emit. She felt hopeful at the thought of Ashlyn thinking something would please her. Tearing through the wrapping her hands found the corner of the box pulling the top apart. She hesitantly removed the golden tissue paper and stared at the blue dress. It had then only occurred to her that in reality Ashlyn really hadn’t bothered to know much of her, not even the fact that Ali didn’t really like blue. She held up the dress to her chest cringing at the design. The very low cut in the back and side cuts almost seemed tasteless further backed by the almost see through fabric. Had she really given that bad of an impression to the keeper, that she would wear such dress to a Children’s event?

Was this a way for the blonde to make fun of her, to show little respect to her. Feeling the fabric between her fingers Ali could almost feel the intent in the keepers actions. Her top lip curled around her bottom lip, tears struggling to escape once again. How she wanted to have a mother to call in this very instinct, to feel some warmth and support. Throwing the garment aside she curled herself into the warm bed. She almost felt nine again, curled underneath her blankets wishing for happiness.

In that same position she had fallen asleep, tear stains painted down her cheeks.

_Btzz Btzz Btzz._

The sound of her alarm penetrated her sleeping state, the noise becoming clearer as her body awoken.

Sitting up Ali looked around the room, her sullen eyes falling on the blue dress she had discarded earlier. She reached for her phone to stop the alarm, rolling her eyes at the half dozen missed calls from Hope and Ashlyn. The latter oh which texted her reminding Ali to read through the cue cards for tonight; and then to add salt to the wound Ashlyn had asked how she liked her dress. Groaning, she threw her phone at her bed feeling the weight of her lungs grow heavier with each burning breath before she collapsed back onto the still warm, comforting fabric of her sheets. She tried to control the hurt she worked to convince herself didn't exist. She tried to remind herself that she didn't care what Ashlyn thought of her, that her role in this was to at least gain back some of what she had lost, but even she could feel the dishonesty of her thoughts. Ashlyn was her future wife and though their relationship was more mechanic than natural, the blonde could at least _try._

Glancing at the closet door the ex-soccer player knew her only option. She had to literally open the doors to a world she thought she had once given up on. Bering the strength, her feet skated through the oak floor until she stood in front of her wardrobe. She had insisted in leaving them all behind but Hope had objected, insisting they would come in handy for future events. How she had hoped the agent would of been wrong.

Ali's fingers trailed through the soft materials until they landed on the satin off white, one shoulder, floor length Lavin gown her mother had once picked out for an event she ended up not attending.Glancing at the time she frowned knowing Ashlyn would be finishing practice and getting ready to pick her up soon. Time really was speeding up in all areas of her life.

_Ding._

She sighed looking at herself in the mirror. She couldn't quite sift through her feelings. Her hands nervously ran down the gathered waist of the dress, testing the tangibility of her wearing it. The first time her mother had laid her eyes on the dress she had happily exclaimed to her it was the perfect princess dress, worthy of a princess warrior.

Was she really a princess though?

Shaking her nerves she reached for her clutch and made her way downstairs to open the door.

She would of liked to blame the late October Floridian breeze for the goosebumps that raised down her arms but her anxiety was far to quick to remind her it wasn’t. Under different circumstances she would blushed at the sight in front her, the idea that the woman at her doorstep was actually hers. In a suit undoubtedly custom tailored for her build, Ashlyn looked a mixture of charming girly handsome and the aesthetically pleasing only Ashlyn Harris knew to combine, but that's all Ali really felt at the sight in front of her. How romantic, she thought, to feel detached to her soon-to-be-fiancé, she berated herself for a moment.

For a moment she thought she had caught Ashlyn’s graze with her appearance, the keepers eyes stilled on her body, skimming her from the top of her curled hair to her manicured feet. And for a second she thought Ashlyn might actually compliment her, she had seen the keepers eyes studying her with a hint of admiration. Yet as soon as she saw the expression arrive, it had just as quickly disappeared.

The keeper pulled the lapels of her suit with a distant and uncaring attitude.

“Ready?” she asked the brunette with a devilish gleam in her hazel eyes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never really written a fan fiction before but this was inspired by a lot of different movies and books I've read. Hopefully we can go through this journey together. Please, give me feedback of any sort! I would love to hear your thought on the characters so far (well at least Ali). I have a few chapters written so far and I will post the next one soon.
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Nicole xx


	2. The Lover's Contract

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the feedback guys, I'm so happy you like it thus far. Here is Chapter 2, hope you like it. Unfortunately I think it will lead you to more questions than answers haha.

“So I’m assuming you didn’t like the dress?” Ashlyn rhetorically asked, the brunette moving her stare from her hands to the window clearly ignoring the blonde. Florida was an interesting place, the clear combination of nature and urbanization. The passing buildings of all size and shapes probably mimicking her heart beat. She refused to give Ashlyn the reaction she knew the blonde was looking for.

“This dress seemed more appropriate.”

She didn’t even bother to look at the keeper. She just wanted to attend the event, spend time with the children and get it done as quickly and as painlessly as possible. She almost laughed at the irony of it all. She used to love going to these events, prospect that her work was paying off. Now, it seemed with every waking moment she spent with the women beside her, whatever light at the end of the tunnel kept fading. The only sound for a period of time came from the clicks of Ashlyn’s phone.

“Did you read the statements?”

She rolled her eyes. Remembering the statement she had read as she was getting ready.

**History**

_You and Ashlyn were old college friends that ran similar circle due to soccer. You used to have off and on flings, secretly. The first time was 2010 in Germany, lasting about 6 months. You parted ways because of your injury and mother’s illness. You kept in touch through the years and reunited again in 2012 but parted ways once Ashlyn joined the National Team. You still exchanged phone calls and text over an eight month period and after your mothers death you both realized you were deeply in love._

Ali sighed “Yes. do you need any details?” She finally turned to face the other woman. It pissed her off. Things would be easier if Ashlyn wasn’t one of the most beautiful women she’s ever seen. She was not supposed to be attracted to women. But the blonde was just carved by the greek gods. She watched the blonde stop texting, taking that as an answer.

“Specifically about my mother and how that seemed to play such a big factor in our relationship” she pressed on, her voice trembling slightly at her last sentence.

“No.” The keeper responded back, the tension in the car easing slightly.

"Are you prepared for tonight? I'd prefer not to carry the entire responsibility of making our relationship seem authentic. We are to act in love and appear happy. We’re announcing the engagement soon after all" Ashlyn declared and Ali stared at her. It wasn't that she was unaware of these facts but she wasn't prepared. And to tell Ashlyn betrayed every little ounce of dignity Ali had left.

“I know.”

"Good. Don't embarrass me.” Dimmer grew the light. She was in over her head. These games were nothing she'd been raised to excel at. This one one field she was not used too. Her mother kept as much of that part of their world from her.

"Why the fake history?" She finally felt her nerves strong enough to ask.

"Because Ali…” The hazel-eyed woman sighed in a way that made Ali feel an inch tall but she kept her demeanor firm and calm. "I'm the best at what I do. I need people to trust the authority and reasoning behind my decisions on and off the field and having a shotgun wedding with someone I barely know has the opposite effect.”

"Know this.” Ashlyn added turning towards Ali as her face hardened and her lips thinned. Virile. It was the first adjective Ali had for the way keeper looked. Angry of course, but she had such an innate dominance that crowded the shorter woman. "My success and the game are everything. It is my measurable accomplishment. When I step up to a filed I represent our country, and tonight you represent not only me but the country as well." Ashlyn finished with a finality Ali didn't dare to question. Instead, she kept her shoulders and chin high and finished their car ride in silence. Suffocating silence. Damn Ashlyn and her stupid ego.

The hotel approached faster than she anticipated. With every closing yard, her anxiety increased until she could hear only the blood pound ferociously in her ears. It wasn't until she saw the text from him that the pulsing lessened to a more languid beat. She was doing this for them both. This was her chance to do right by him.

Ashlyn opened Ali’s door and she was greeted with an award winning smile. The keeper made it seem so effortless and taking in a deep breath Ali replied with a similar expression. Pulling her closer to her taller frame, she had dipped and kissed Ali. As she watched the blonde woman with pinched eyebrows, she felt vaguely aware of a flash from the corner of her sight. Moving her soft lips with slow precision across the brunettes cheek, she felt every word the keeper whisper.

"Close your eyes."

Immediately her body obeyed before her brain could catch up in thought. Ashlyn met her lips with much more ardor this time and she slowly and cautiously allowed herself to melt into to her taller frame. Her slimmer taller frame radiating heat and her presence felt all consuming; it was a thrill and passion she had only felt while playing herself.

Then it ended. As quick and genuine as it felt, Ashlyn returned to her usual aloof self under a thin façade of enjoyment. She could feel the larger hand pulling her close, secure around her waist, guiding her towards the beautifully decorated arch hotel entrance. It wasn't often she felt such a connection to the women she had read about in romance novels…until her painted smile felt easy. Maybe it was Ashlyn's effortless acting or the clear direction for Ali’s behavior but the brunette felt herself gain some control.

Ashlyn placed hand on the ex-defender waist almost felt of dominant possession which if the keeper had been anyone else Ali might actually revel in the touch. They followed the wall of sponsor's backdrops before settling in front of the U.S Soccer and pausing to pose. The flashes embodied a similar vision of fireworks but not as beautiful or chaotically routine in movement. She smiled, allowed her hand to be led to Ashlyn's chest and desperately wished circumstances were different…that the blonde was different. As if wanting to add salt to her emotional wounds, the taller woman leaned in again and kindly asked Ali to laugh as if the mere suggestion from her mouth were enough to inspire the shorter of the two.

"Now.” The keeper demanded again and Ali attempted to appease her just so she'd distance himself again. Tipping her head back, she forced her lips to widen and her chest to shake with probably the most inauthentic laugh ever. It only mattered what she looked like in print, she reminded herself before being relieved of Ashlyn's face so close to hers.

The blonde pushed her towards two waiting interviewers and she steeled herself again for the challenge. Her inner dialogue fired motivating sayings as she kept pace. She kept her smile warm and inviting remembering to keep her hate all saved for Ashlyn and not for the man in front of her just doing his job.

“Ashlyn, congratulations on your award tonight and more so the beautiful prize in your hand right now. How come your relationship is just coming public now?" The young and eager man asked wearing a press pass with a Sports Illustrate logo. Patrick Robinson read the plastic identity before it was lost in movement of his questioning.

"We're very private people." Ashlyn answered with a declaration of authority. "Was it you're mother's illness that kept you both from public exposure?" Ali knew the question was directed towards her, of course it was. It wasn't Ashlyn;s mother they were referring to but she couldn't form words coherently enough without feeling like complete shit. After too long of a silence and enduring the tightening hand at her waist, she hesitantly began pulling from the brief snippets Hope had formed for her.

"I have remained with mother due to her illness. It has neither robbed me of opportunities nor do I feel that way. What I gained from the past couple years of my mother's close company, I will never regret including the lack of public exposure for myself or Ashlyn. That will be the only statement I will give for the rest of the evening in regards to my mother." The reporter nodded but she could feel his irritation radiate off him in thick undulating waves.

"The statement released two weeks ago mentions you both will move have not thought of moving in together yet. Have you both always been this traditional?"

"While we are conservative in some manners, I feel we are both a good mix."

"Are you referring to the playing capabilities of Miss Krieger? You two are complete opposites in regards to your love for the sport. Does this also refer to your personalities?" Patricks words ran together with little desire for their answer and more for the power of the information.

"Our personalities differ where they should."

“Will we see you playing again any time soon Ms.Krieger? Your leave was so sudden. Perhaps even in the NWSL" Before she could answer, Ashlyn interjected. "My lovely girlfriend and I have decided that she'll focus most of her attentions on several of our charities. Hobbies will be put on the backburner for us both as we continue our work throughout Orlando and focus on the World Cup"

_Hobbies. Did he just fucking call her profession, the same one as hers, a hobby?_

She moved to a much more somber smile but maintained a look of enjoyment even though her energy was waning. A couple more questions and they moved to the next interviewer. This one was easier now that she learned the information they were selling. The entire time Ashlyn led her to different couples whispering their names to her before they met. The way she held Ali unnerved the brunette. The manner in which her larger hands tucked loose strands behind her ears with a look of complete adoration depressed her. Like most players that crossed her path in the field, Ashlyn was going to ruin her, she could feel it. Her heart wasn't made for a relationship so manufactured. Naïve or not, she's known a life of love, true and uncomplicated, undying even after the passing of a soul. Being stripped so slowly and clearly of an experience she's dreamt of and even painted, felt like the similar torture of watching her mother die.

"Please excuse me.”

She walked to the restroom, thankful that it wasn’t crowded. She glanced at the reflection in the mirror, the sadness in her eyes almost unrecognizable to her. How had she ended up in this. She could still remember Solo’s proposition. It wasn’t meant to be like this.

_In her other life, Ali Krieger imagined her work would of lead to this beautiful penthouse being hers. She didn’t splurge on much, in fact she was rather meticulous when it came to her savings, but a house, a home, that had no price. The view of the bustling capital almost seemed like a different world. What she knew was a loud chaos of traffic and fast movement seemed like a peaceful ocean of chaos. The white decoration against the ceiling high windows that framed the blue sky, the expensive paintings that hung on the wall of artist she had only heard of in her intro to Art history class back in college. Yes, in her other life, this would of been her home. Alas, that would never be possible. She had given it up._

_“Ali” a warm voice echoed through the apartment. Turning around Ali’s hands fiddled with the threads of her shirt. Bitting her lip, she smiled shyly at the woman in front of her. To everyone else, the brunette in front of Ali would seem almost dry, cold, dare she say scary. The sharp distinction between her icy blue eyes and the warm voice almost seemed like joke._

_“Mrs. Solo” Ali finally spoke, her voice quivering in the nervousness of the situation. Her eyes trailed as the tall woman walked further into the living room a laugh escaping her mouth almost causing more discomfort within Ali._

_“Please, you make me feel old. Just call me Hope. Please” The older woman insisted as she sat down on one of the white couches, two folders securely under her arm._

_“_ _Please take a seat” She patted the empty space, a hesitant Ali making her way._

_“I guess you must be wondering why you’re here” Hope began as a waitressed seemed to magically appear with glasses of water. Ali nodded, is not every day one of the best PR managers for women sports contacted you._

_“I suppose I am” Ali cracked a smile before quickly looking down at her hands which fitted on her lap._

_“I have” Hope took a small sip from her glass, looking intently at Ali “a proposition of sorts. But before I say anything, I unfortunately have to insist that you sign this” she says handing Ali a folder with what appears to be legal documents._

_Ali’s head shot up, her eyebrows frowning as she accepted the papers. “Wh-What is this?”_

_“It’s called a non disclosure agreement or in my world NDA for short. I advise you read through it carefully. I don’t want to trick you dear, I need you to understand what you’re signing. In short words, by signing this you agree to keep anything we discuss between us. No discussions with outside people, no roommate, family member-“_

_“I live alone” Ali clarified._

_“Well that makes one thing easier. It also means you can’t talk to anyone about this at work. Nothing said tonight leaves this room.”_

_“I understand.” The nervous brunette mumbled as she opened the vanilla envelope. She spent the next fifteen minutes reading and reviewing the document. The language was easy, no legal jargon. It was just as Hope had summarized. She couldn’t discuss anything with anyone, including and specially the media, and if done so legal action would be taken against her. It seemed straightforward, however, it had only caused more confusion in Ali. What could Hope Solo possibly want to talk to her about the required such intensified levels of confidentiality. She was a retired soccer player and as much as she thought Hope Solo wanted to restart her career, she knew she could never return to the game. She had promised herself and much more importantly her family that she wouldn’t._

_Taking the pen that laid in the table in front of her, Ali hesitantly signed the NDA, a breath escaping her lips. Closing the folder she handed it back to Hope before reaching to take a sip of her own drink, her throat dry._

_“Now dear” Ali internally cringed, Hope didn’t seem that much older than her but she could tel the woman had millions years worth of business meeting etiquette and leverage on her. “I want you to just listen to me, just keep an open mind to what I’m propositioning to you” Solo warned only spiking Ali’s anxiety even more. “As you know, I’m in charge of a large PR firm here in D.C. But there is one part of my company not many people know about, a side service of sorts. In the sport industry, we have very successful players, commentators, business men and women who for lack of time management find the dating world difficult and dare I say undesirable. Simply, they don’t really have the time for it. Now this, this is where we step in. I help arrange these men and women with a partner who can match whatever qualities they are looking for.”_

_Ali’s face whitened. “So you play matchmaker” she hesitantly said, fearing whatever other possibility was running through her head._

_“I guess you can say that. Match makers however focus on eternal love. Marriage, flowers, roses, the whole fairytale. Of course, per nature this does happen and some clients even seek out a marriage but we aren’t in the business of life matches. Essentially, we help with company. We provide our clients with what we call a safe haven friendship and companion. Its easy to get dragged into this world. The flying, the training, the events, the talking. Some of it, well in reality most of it is very constructed and fake. These men and women seek true friendship and compatibility without the fear of someone running to a magazine or taking their money. I help with this. I provide them with someone with similar interest, someone they can go to the movies with, to dinner, mainly social events.”_

_Her head was running. There were too many words escaping Solo’s mouth for it all to make sense to Ali._

_“Ali, I’ve known you for a while now. I’ve seen how hard you work. You we’re one of the most dedicated players, even after everything that happened. Ali, I like you. And I like to think, even if it sounds weird, that I know just how kind you are. I can list of the top of my head a dozen men or women should you prefer who you would be a great match for. Which is why you are here. I like to extent a contract to you, to join my firm.”_

_If her eyes had been hidden through out the talk, they probably looked like a dear in the headlights after Hope’s last sentence. “I- uh” she fumbled, feeling Hopes warm hand on top of hers._

_“Breath Ali, you’re allowed to think about this. To ask questions. I don’t want you going into this in the blind. That’s why we signed the NDA, you’re welcome to ask anything.”_

_Nodding Ali took some time to recollect herself. “What- what happens at these events and dates.” Is it even a date if you’re even being paid? She thought to herself. “_

_Depends on the occasion. Not everything is a social event or business. It’s a friendship, two people enjoying each other’s company. You go out, talk about anything you have in common—in your case maybe sports, life questions, it really is up to you and the client. Social events are a bit more formal, we usually allow you and the client to meet ahead of time. We provide an outline of what happens at the event, important things to know and to highlight including political topics or business deals. These events are more for appearance and show. You would be doting girlfriend. Affectionate, attentive to both the client and other guest.”_

_“How long do these matches last?”_

_“It all depends on you and your match. Like I said I have clients who look for a convenient marriage partners and end up enjoying it, as I have partners who only need a match for events these can also go for years. It helps too, the media picks up on this they make assumptions and really help improve the image of clients.”_

_Ali nodded her heart racing at the thought of marriage but the possibility to her last question being the scariest thought of it all. The one question that had been running through her head since Hope had talked about matches. “Do I have to.. is there physical contact?” she sighed in desperation “Am I expected to-“_

_“Over my dead body!” Hope slammed her drink on the table, almost fracturing the expensive glass. “this is not a prostitution ring Alexandra. I respect myself and my employees way to much for such grotesque illegal business. Hand holding is the extent of it, if there is anything more desired, a kiss on the cheek, an arm around your waist, a hand on your back as you walk the room, if comfortable, a kiss on the lips, that is something to be discussed in the contract with the client. Both you and the client are expected to abide by these rules, if one breaks them I will automatically terminate the contract. Everything is consensual.” Solo firmly stated._

_“I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to insinuate or disrespect you Mrs. Sol- I mean Hope. It’s just, that’s not something I don’t think I see myself doing”_

_“Sadly this world has many fucked up business men with terrible intentions. You have ‘escort’ businesses that really just serve as prostitute rings. I work with top clients in this industry Ali. Trust me when I say they don’t need to search far for intimacy. They do however have a harder time searching for companionship. Someone who won’t sue them, who isn’t materialistic of sorts. In this field, your status is important and that includes your personal life. You would be surprised at how important a strong relationship can be for sponsorships._

_“But what about the marriage arrangements?” Ali questioned wondering how could someone live their whole life pretending to be married to a stranger._

_“Those are very rare Ali. Sadly we have players who pursue other lifestyle choices and don’t feel like they can show their real self to the media. Marriage is a way of distracting the media, pointing the light away from them and anything they could find. Other times, they simply just want something constant. You will find many of the matches in this case become really good friends who care for each other. It is not a sexual relationship, like I said I do not run some type of prostitution ring. Usually these are for my workers who don’t see themselves in any type of relationship."_

_“Hope, why me?” She frowned “I mean besides training some of your Athletes, I don’t…”_

_“Ali… you musn’t look far to find beauty. Look at you, there is something beyond charismatic and innocent about you. You have an aura on you that many of my clients would absolutely love. You care about the better of others. You’re not greedy, I’ve never seen you, you have passion for the game and not the lifestyle. You’re a true rare natural beauty who is polite but nonetheless strong. The perfect qualities for handling this industry. You handled yourself amazingly when everything went down. You know this field well enough to cary yourself.”_

_Hope sighed “I know you might not see them in yourself, but my job is to read situations, to predict events based on human behavior. I am good at my job Ali, I know people, I read them. I know your situation at home, I know it’s a tough one. As much as your job can cover there are other financial instabilities and that has cost you so much as it is”_

_“How could you possibly know that, I’ve made sure to keep those personal?”_

_“I don’t take my job lightly, I can’t just propose this to anyone. Background checks are very common high in this industry. I need to make sure the media won’t find something to hold you accountable for, more than they already have. They’re vicious. Consider it this not only looking out for my client but for you. One photograph can set a whole firestorm.”_

_Ali frowned “there shouldn’t be anything besides my-“_

_“I know Ali, and I can assure you that will stay hidden. You’ve gone extra length to keep him safe and I will respect that. Besides it is not in your will power anyways.”_

_Her privacy had been invaded. A strip of security had be taken from Ali. “I didn’t even accept your offer Hope”_

_“Yet” she interrupted. “You haven’t accepted yet. I’m sorry, but I had too. And consider it a good thing I did. I know it’s personal but this could really help with your financial situation Ali.”_

_It scared her how much one invidiaul could know about her, but Ali would be lying if she wants intrigued._

_“One date could pay your rent, it is that simple” A doubfounded silence rang through the air. Someone was willingingly given her that much money for a conversation. “Are you serious?”_

_“I dont joke” Hope said, her blue eyes filled with sincerity._

_“It all of course depends on the length of the date or social event. A simple dinner between you two could earn you $400 per hour, and to be honest most last up to three. Longer events like social events, movies, shows those are $2000 minimum, they also depend on the publicity level required. And this is just stating. We start at $100 and increase after the first two month period.”_

_“Publicity?” Ali asked for clarification. “Some clients just want to fix their image. The same date to various events will solidify their image. As I said, image is everything. Published media events that lead to magazine and newspaper prints do cost more for our client. We wouldn’t put you through that without your consent of course.”_

_Ali nodded, her voice lost with the vast information provided to her._

_“You wouldn’t have to worry about anything. I promise. Everything is paid for. Any attire required for a specific event is charged to me. I have personal shoppers around this whole city who can accommodate you to any occasion. Though I am sure you still have some amazing pieces from your time in the limelight, those can come in handy”_

_“Hope…” Ali started._

_“Alexandra, just take some time to think about it. I value your hard work and I understand the situation you’re in. It’s not an easy one to deal with. This can be your gateway to a better life, for all of you. Just think, do you really want to be working extra long shifts and in debt for the rest of your life?”_

_The younger brunette shook her head, fiddling with her fingers “No,” she whispered feeling another envelope on her lap._

_“Then just take a look at the contract. Take it home, read it. Carefully. Consider it. I’ll give you 48 hours, if I don’t hear from you by then, then I know where you stand and we can pretend this never happened. And Ali?” Hope called for the young girls attention._

_“If you do feel more comfortable, we do have female partners.”_

_And if anything hadn’t shocked or left Ali Krieger speechless, that certainly had done it._

"You seem deep in thought" A gentle voice stirred Ali from her day dream. She stared into the mirror at the woman currently washing her hands. She had a beautiful plum gown that accentuated her blonde locks and blue eyes.  _  
_

"Ah...it's been a while since I've been to one of these events" she clarified towards the stranger who laughed at her words. 

"Well if it makes you feel better, I've just learned the difference between a touchdown and a slam dunk" the blonde teased her eyes twinkling under the light. It was the brunettes turn to laugh. 

"Emily" the blonde extended her freshly washed hands towards her. 

"Alexandra, put most call me Ali" she accepted the hand noticing the soft yet firm grip. 

"Ah yes, you seem to be in a lot of people's gossip tonight" 

Ali's eyes widen her body stiffening at the comment. 

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"No, no you didn't. I'm just not good with attention."

"So you're hiding?" the blue eyed woman asked as she looked around at the bathroom, pretending to whisper even though they were clearly the only two. 

"I'm not so good at it I think." Ali joked back and Emily laughed.

"You seemed very deep in thought. You seem to be much more of a thinker than many of the people out there if I am quiet honest' She turned and studied the blonde. She didn't look at Ali but instead seemed to be trying to arrange some of the mints in the bowl in front of them. Ali relaxed at the sight of her blonde hair pulled into a bun, some strands releasing from the grip. Her light blue eyes flittered back and forth over the counter before returning to look at Ali.

"I suppose when you leave the professional world you have a lot more to think about than the game. Don't get me wrong, there is something beautiful about sports. Pushing your body to it's limit to achieve a quantifiable goal. To know you are the best in the country and possibly the world all because of perseverance. It's working as a team to achieve something." She was smiling, genuinely and brightly. This was her happy place, sports had always given her something bigger than herself while still pushing her to to every limit. God, she missed soccer.

"Yeah, it all just looks like body's colliding and possible bone fractures" Emily replied comically and Ali laughed, feeling the giddy rush of humor flow from her. The blonde watched her with a warm grin that Ali had felt drawn to.

"As long as you're cheering for the winning team, it doesn't matter" She answered and the blonde rolled her eyes at the defender.

"Thanks for letting me down gently."

"You're welcome." Ali laughed out before she nervously tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Emily was staring at her. It was similar to the way Ashlyn had been looking at her all evening just more authentic.

"Well now that you see my passion. What is yours?" Emily took a deep breath and smiled.

"I'm a surgeon. We just did a successful heart transplant last week on Andrew, one of the kids being honored here and it somehow got me an invitation to this." Emily replied as she gestured towards the door that led to the ballroom.

"Not your thing?" The doctor shrugged her shoulders with indifference but Ali knew she was trying to spare her feelings like she belonged with this crowd. Hell, who was she kidding? She was marrying the one of the honoree's, of course she did.

She felt the door open and a hand snake around her waist and a set of lips at her temple before she heard the gentle voice whisper.

"Break over." She maintained eye contact with Emily the entire time and for just a second she imagined it the doctor instead of Ashlyn. Clearing her throat, her current reality came into stark focus.

"We were just talking about Andrew, Emily was part of his surgery " She spoke and swiveled to face the mirror.

"Ah." Ashlyn said with a familiar feeling of surprise, but almost joy. "Yes, I founded his surgery. He wants to play soccer, I figured it was my chance to help him with his dream."

Ali tried to hide her shock and she was in the position where her futile attempts went unnoticed since she stood before them both.

"Well you two are just perfect for each other then." Emily commented before introducing herself to Ashlyn who seemed to be slightly confused by the statement approached her. Ali didn't wish to appease the keeper's confusion. After pleasantries Ashlyn quietly excused them both, bringing them back to the party. She drew Ali close to her side and their game of pretend resumed.

After a couple glasses of champagne, Ali began to feel a little less on edge and began to actually ease into Ashlyn's embraces. The smiling became easier and at some point, she realized she clung to the larger hand longer than necessary. In all honesty, Ashlyn was an escape. All of it, the acting and parts of it she somewhat enjoyed in a very deprived way. Being social and outside of her home felt refreshing despite all her attempts over the past years that this lifestyle and friends weren't necessary anymore. But even in the crowd and surrounded by the loud excited chatter, she felt alone.

"Let's dance and then we can leave." Ashlyn told her leading her out to the dance floor with obvious display. The taller woman abruptly pulled Ali towards her, bringing their chest closely together,, and for a second Ali's smile faltered.

"For someone who was a queen of this lifestyle, you certainly seem to shy away from it." Ashlyn murmured into Ali's ear. As she pulled her chin from the keeper's shoulder, the defender wasn't surprised to find her smiling.

"You have no idea what you're talking about." She sat back and Ashlyn studied the brunette as their feet continued to move them across the dance floor. And then she remembered the reason she had left this world. The lie she had told the world to cover. 

"Trust me, I know women like you." Ashlyn spoke with such hate that Ali pulled away from her only to have the blonde drag her back.

"Who hurt you?" She asked finally seeing a break in the taller woman's façade. Pain and hate became evident as she watched her hazel eyes darken. Ashlyn quickly recovered but Ali could feel her rage surround them in a thick dense blanket.

"I'm sorry." Ali quickly inserted into their silence. "I'm not here to hurt you."

"I'd never give you that much power."

_Really? Because hating her meant she had some._

_And being hurt by Ashlyn Harris gives her more,_ Ali's mind decided to add. She wanted to slap herself.

"I'd never ask you to." She replied failing to relax the national player. In fact, Ali felt her arm tighten around her as their dance became more rigid.

"I believe you." Ashlyn breathed harshly at her temple as if it pissed her off that she did. Pulling her from the dance floor without a chance to respond, she was forced to fall back into their routine for the night.

Even knowing she'd still have to deal with Ashlyn; their car couldn't arrive fast enough. As soon as Ashlyn helped her in, she relaxed. She pulled the pins from her hair and let her head fall back against the headrest in exhaustion. The interruption of Ashlyn getting in brought her head back up and her posture stiff.

"Solo has a media consultant coming in from New York to train you for events."

She had neither the strength or will to argue but of course she had the ability to feel every ounce of pain that flittered from the woman's statement. 

"Okay."

After a couple miles of driving, it was painfully obvious Ashlyn wasn't planning to accompany Ali home. They were dropping her off and Ali would be going home alone. Her hurt more revolved around the fact that she began this journey alone and all her naïve hope was lost that Ashlyn might…might be different tonight. Ashlyn had proven the ex-defender wrong and shattered her thirty year old heart in the process. As they pulled into the garage she knew that Ashlyn didn't deserve a thank you but she'd give it anyway because she was raised better than that.

As Ashlyn reached for the door, Ali lightly stopped her as she gripped the keepers strong forearm.

"What?" She blonde snapped and Ali worked through her own irritation before answering.

"Thank you for dinner tonight."

She watched Ashlyn's annoyance sweep swiftly to confusion before she acknowledged Ali's appreciation with a head nod. That was it. It was all she gave before she told Ali she'd be moving to the SUV to be taken home. As she reached for her door, she stilled as she watched a young woman get out of the Escalade. Long brown hair with a beautiful face approached Ashlyn with a familiarity she hated. She sat and watched her soon to be fiancé walk into an elevator with another woman and she couldn't even bear to get out of the car until the doors closed.

The humiliation of being sent to ride in the same vehicle Ashlyn just sent for another woman was just another sharp cut of her blade for the night. She was nothing special for the blonde, lower than the woman she called for sex, and Ashlyn couldn't care less. 

Arriving to the Floridian house, she took a deep breath and ascended the stairs hearing the wind seamlessly cascade through branches causing them to trembled and for howls echoed through the black of the night. Not even the stars could cheer her up. 

She didn't even make it to her room, instead she found herself in the couch again. If her mother hands choose the dress, she'd rip the damn thing to shreds trying to escape it. Burying her head in her lap, she cried trying to search for as much comfort as this piece of fabric could offer her. It was the closest thing she had in that moment. The sobs escaped as pleas and apologies. She apologized to her mother for lying, for causing this much pain in the family, for leaving them all behind. Then she pleaded for the strength her mother so gracefully carried to her death.

Damn. Ashlyn Harris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like this chapter. I may not update as often as I would like but when I do, I promise they will be lengthy chapters full of juicy stuff! lol
> 
> So we found out what Ashlyn and Ali's relationship entails (at least from Ali's perspective ). And we saw their relationship play out more, but what is Ali's secret? What led her to sign this contract? Who is the woman with Ashlyn? when will I answer all these questions! (haha)
> 
> Well, it won't be for a while, but we will get there I promise. Next chapter we will find out from Ashlyn's perspective how she came about the contract and why this arrangement is important to her.
> 
> Thanks for reading guys!!


	3. The Interview

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took long to update. My computer ended up having a corrupt hard-drive and once that was fixed we found out there was a hard-drive cable malfunction as well (all of this happening on finals week). Long story short I ended up loosing a lot of files including the chapters I had prewritten for this story. Anyways, I am back on track (hopefully). Hope you enjoy this chapter. We see a little more behind Ashlyn's contract, past, and friendships. Also, we get to see some feelings starting to emerge hehe!

“You’re quiet tonight” Karen hummed as she run her fingers down the keepers toned abs only to have Ashlyn peeled them off with as much restraint as she could muster. Ashlyn had called Karen knowing how much tension she had been ridding the whole night, however the brunette didn’t satisfy her needs at all.

“Is it about that new girlfriend of yours?” Karen teased while trying to curl into the keeper’s side.

“You can leave now.”

Ashlyn met the glare by the brunette. Karen threw her legs over the blonde’s lap, her hands massaging the keeper’s breast. Of course the woman lingered for a second hoping Ashlyn would participate, but in reality the blonde felt no urge. Seeing Karen, only led the keeper to envision Ali for some forsaken reason, one that left her on the corner of surprised and pissed off. She had to admit she was shocked, almost proud that Ali refused the dress she had bought her. None of her other romantic pursuits (if Ali could be called one) ever declined her gifts. Granted, of course, that she knew well she had sent the gift to the ex-defender out of spite. Her rebellion was somewhat noble and appealing.

  _They’re all like that_

Her conscious reminded her of the falling for such naivety, the danger of even thinking of falling for a woman like Ali. Innocence was intoxicating to Ashlyn; it always had been but even she knew Ali was hiding something. Simply, Ashlyn couldn’t trust her. The blonde knew Ali would play the part of wife well and she simply had too much to loose to let her guard down. It’s what made their arrangement somewhat appealing. She knew Ali’s intentions already and she had full control. Full control. The blonde kept saying it until she believed Ali hadn’t just stripped some from her tonight.

Watching Karen dress had the same effect on Ashlyn as watching the HSN channel. She watched because she had nothing else to do and because she found the product Karen was selling interesting enough. The curves of the brunette’s hips drew Ashlyn’s eyes lower until they fell at the feminine curve of Karen’s ass. She simply loved the female form. The female body was the most beautiful thing in the keeper’s eyes.

Karen fingered the hem of her shirt trying to buy time but only received a silent answer from the keeper. Reluctantly she picked up her purse and left with out a goodbye. Even she knew that was their last time. Karen had ventured well over comfortable territory for Ashlyn. Truthfully, none of the woman she ‘dated’ had lasted over a month, besides Ali and that was already a different circumstance.

With the loneliness of the night came the betrayal from her head. Memories from hours before flooded her head, most of them involving Ali. Why Ashlyn studied the defender as she had shocked the hell out of her but truth was Ali was intoxicating to be around. The natural almost untainted warmth she posed just radiated as they socialized around the room. Her interactions were genuine, specially when she interacted with the children present at the event. Ali, no matter the topic of conversation, seemed to hold the interest that everyone else had managed easily to feign so well.

Swinging her foot to the edge of the bed, she stormed into the bathroom of the hotel room desperate to rid Ali and Karen from conscious thought. Eventually, Ashlyn ended up back in bed falling into a restless sleep; her dreams a snippet of her past life and the present circumstances.

\---

 

Ashlyn started at the uniform in her locker, vaguely listening to the Megan talk about her cross during practice, while she attempted to forget about the new picture in her gear bag. Yet without much control, her eyes always seemed to venture to the square picture of Ali. Hope had suggested she keep pictures of Ali around to support the charade of their marriage. She had been provided with a handful of pictures. It almost seemed absurd. Not only did she have a phone she could store pictures in but also who in their right mind kept that many pictures of their love ones in their bag. She had kept her favorite three, actually scratch that, her most tolerable three.

_Close one Harris._

Ignoring the girls, Ashlyn studied the picture again. Her most tolerable one, and the only one she kept in her bag, was the one of Ali sleeping. For such standard act, she brunette made it seem intimate. The picture pissed Ashlyn off in that she felt like Ali was purposely trying to distract the keeper. And yet, she couldn’t bring herself to replace it. Bringing the photo closer, she carefully looked at the picture she had studied a million time. Ali’s face appeared so damn angelic with a look of sweet content drawn on her face. Ashlyn tried to remember the last time she wore the same look. Once. She wore the same look when she talked about soccer.

Ashlyn couldn’t say she felt jealousy seeing Ali talk to the other woman, more possessive really. She was contractually hers now, anyways.

Whitney choose the perfect time to pull the keeper out of her thoughts. She needed a distraction. Walking out of the locker room the two made their way to the parking lot first.

“How was last night?” Whitney began, adjusting the bag on her shoulder. As her best friend, Whit was the only one Ashlyn had told in regards to the contract. While the younger blonde had disapproved of the keeper’s actions, she still stuck by whatever down spiral her best friend chose to pursue.

“She did okay. Hope is meeting with us today to train her better.”

“What do you think about her?” Ashlyn hated the narrowing of Whit’s eyes, not only because she knew whatever answer she gave was not justifiable but because whatever lie she could feed to the younger blonde would only be dismissed until the truth was free.

“She’s gotten to you already hasn’t she?” the younger defender smirked. 

“I still hate her. She’s just a social climbing low excuse of an athlete, as if I hadn’t had enough of those.”

“Ash” Whitney sighed “Have you ever thought that hate requires effort which in turn just means you care.”

“Not for her.” 

“Please explain to me why you decided on this arrangement if you don’t even like the woman? No offense Ash, but you could have just gone with another person”

The blonde rolled her eyes. She knew it was callous of her, she knew that Whitney was within reason to make such claims. Call her selfish, but whether her conscious wanted to admit it or not, her and Ali had chemistry, good or bad, it was still chemistry.

“Whit. Don’t”

The younger blonde stopped in her tracks making Ashlyn stop in hers as well. “Not everyone is like _her_ Ash. Not everyone is out to get you. Specially not someone who clearly has a _contract_ in place.”

Ashlyn scoffed. “she’s a butterfly Whit. A beautiful butterfly that everyone is attracted too. But in reality, butterflies have no place in the real world if only for a minute of reverence before they die. That’s Ali Krieger, if her career choices haven’t told you otherwise.

“Have you even tried to get to know her. I mean, not that I do or that I’m trying to defend what she did, but you well know someone doesn’t just leave without a reason.”

Ashlyn frowned. She despised having heart to heart with the defender. If there was someone on this planet that knew Ashlyn Harris buttons, it was Whitney Engen, and right now all her buttons were pressed and pressured. 

“ _She’s_ in Hawaii right now with him. She’s out there right now mocking me as we speak. The one person I opened up too, the one person I thought I might love. So don’t ask me why I don’t get to know people Whit. As far as I am concerned everyone wants something, and right now I want to win a world cup and if this stupid fake marriage with Ali Krieger makes that possible, then I will. I fell for that mistake once, I’m never doing it again and certainly not with Ali”

“Ash… I’m sorry.” Whitney frowned as they approached the keeper’s car only to receive a bidding silent nod from her.

Even through the silence of her car Ashlyn knew well this wouldn’t be the last conversation her and Whitney would have on the topic, but if she could place a hold on it she would for as long as possible. Her past, her relationship with _that woman,_ was a locked Pandora’s box. Checking the time on her wrist she drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. The little patience she had was fading as her meeting with Ali and Hope approached. It was a never ending cycle. It truly did make her question if the arrangement was worth it.

_“You have got to be fucking kidding me” the blonde keeper slammed the national magazine on the desk. She was used to her face on magazines. She was the promising goal keeper for the best team in the country. She had awards falling of her shelves in recognition of her lifework. The paparazzi and media took an interest in her. She was not the typical beauty of Hollywood, one look at her and she was the mysterious goalkeeper. She was aptly nicknamed Sweeper Harris, for her play off and on the field with philanthropist work and women. However, for the past few months the articles had taken a spin for the worse. They were hateful, spiteful even, on a personal scale. A heavier emphasis on her date life. Did it honestly mattered who she went to bed with? Her play never suffered because she was with a different woman at events. She had always maintained a separate line between work and play. Yet today, today the keeper had had enough._

**_“Sweeper Keeper Ashlyn Harris can make top saves in the world of soccer but terrible calls off the field. When will it all turn sour again?_ **

_There were various pictures of her. The different women she had taken as a date to various events. It made her look like the ultimate player and not in the field she was an expert in. She couldn’t have these rumors flying around. Not in the wake of the World Cup coming up next year. She had sponsorships to settle and as much as dating hadn’t caused her a distraction she knew how much the media could influence her game and the world of soccer. It’s not that she didn’t want to settle down, she just had to much personal problems to handle to even begin to think about sharing them with someone, much less share her hectic schedule. Why was her personal life so important anyways? She was a football player, wasn’t her saves all that should matter anyways._

_Six years ago none of this would have happened, hell two years ago it wouldn’t have happened. **She** had been quiet, it had always been her and her ‘best friend’ at events. No one had question, even though many had guessed. If you didn’t talk, they couldn’t ask. She was never the playgirl, she was just the starting Keeper, best in the world. **She** had taken it with her though, she had taken a lot from Ashlyn. Ashlyn had been blinded by whatever feeling she thought she had for that woman and now she was stuck in this mess. Yet similar to the game she learned not the make the same mistake twice. You have to be in charge of making the right call and Ashlyn would be darned if she would trust someone the way she had trust  **her**._

_“So I see you’ve read it” her publicist Hope Solo chuckled as she entered the room._

_“This is fucking bullshit. This is the tenth magazine this month that has talked nothing but bullshit about my lifestyle and my soon approaching ending to my career. What type of fuckery is that. In no way or shape has my play suffered” She growled, taking the pile of magazine and throwing them in the near by trash bin._

_“Ashlyn-“_

_“No Hope, two years ago we sat here talking about the same shit. I was criticized for coming out and made a big fisco. I was questioned repeatedly for my life choices and how that would affect me. I lost three important sponsors thanks to that. Now you told me if I just went and and showed them my personal relationship side everything would calm down Hope. Does this seem like calmed down to you? This is the same reason why I don’t even fucking date in the first place!” The blonde pointed to the bin with the discarded magazines._

_“Enough Ashlyn” Hope sternly spoke up, calming the keeper down. “the solution is simple. Just get the same partner to go with you to all your events.”_

_“Are you not listening to me Hope? For fucks sake. I am not in a relationship and by no means will I be one. I fuck when I need too. In this world everyone wants a piece of the limelight. Where am I to get someone who will drop everything just to attend an event without wanting something from me. I alone hate personal appearances, I don’t need someone dreamily expecting a fairytale of this world and fucking shit up with the media. I have too much at stake.”_

_“Hire someone” Hope simply stated, her hands neatly folded in her lap._

_A scoff escaped the blonde. “Umm yes, you know what yes. Let’s see, shall I fly to Hollywood right now, head down to boulevard plaza, pick up the first prostitute I find, give her some money and then have the media find out about it and not only call me a womanizer but a fucking sleezeball. This is not some pretty woman shit! How much am I paying you for this shity service Hope. Honestly.?”_

_“Ashlyn” Hope sighed “Remember that NDA I made you sign when we first got in contact” the brunette received a nod from the keeper. “I need you to recall that, because what I am about to tell you know, you mustn’t share with anyone” her blue eyes bled into Ashlyn’s hazel ones, catching her interest._

_“what are you talking about Hope?”_

_“I can help you, this PR firm has a separate consulting department. It helps arrange dates for my clients who need someone by their side in the limelight”_

_Ashlyn laughed “So you’re telling me besides a degree in PR you also have a certificate in matchmaking?” The blonde hysterically laughed until she noticed the serious expression on Hope’s face._

_“No, I am not looking to find you love Ashlyn. That is not what I am in the business for and quite frankly you’ve made it clear you don’t ever want to fall in love. I would instead be providing you with a date, in your case a reputable woman who would attend all these events, maybe some games just to get the media off your ass. She would not expect anything from you. No flowers, no romance. Any date you have is prearranged through me. No need to worry about text’s and calls or someone begging for your attention in your already busy schedule. This is a simple business transaction. You simply pay for company to an event.”_

_“What does she get out of it” the blonde ask with more interest._

_“A pay check” Hope simply answered. “Whatever extra fee you pay covers for clothing, the hourly rate and of course a small fee for the firm’s service”_

_“What in the world is different from this you promise and what I’ve been doing?”_

_“Yes, but you’ve taken different women. In your case you would offer something more permanent, maybe more extreme. An exclusive marital agreement contract-_

_“Marital?”_

_“If you were to take me up my services, I would provide you with the profile of a woman who I believe would be a good match for you. Someone who will help you clear up the fire you’ve caused in the media. When I say match, I don’t mean love but rather someone you can easily get along with at the end of the night and not want to shoot yourself in the foot over. I know this lifestyle can get dull and you’re never one to like these events. Having someone who you can talk to will essentially help. If you like this match, I would allow you two to meet and get to know each other. Of course with all this Pre-World Cup coverage I would suggest a private location. If you both like the match and agree, we will continue with an exclusivity agreement. The second half is essentially an engagement” The brunette chuckled at the wide eyed panic plastered on the keepers face._

_“Relax, you wouldn’t actually get married. An engagement and pretending to go through with wedding details will help the media see you in a more positive light. Many couples last engaged years before even preceding with a wedding. An engagement will show you’re finally settling down, you’re no longer the player they think you are. You’re serious about life and not just the game. It will bring out a softer side in the media, it might, dare I say, help you with the shitstorm that went down  four years ago.”_

_A silence fell in the room at the mention of those years. Ashlyn hated how much negativity and darkness **she**  had brought into her life. How much damage she had caused. The bare idea of being with someone, trusting, loving someone after **her** seemed like a far off illusion to the young keeper._

_“Who would possibly sigh up to do this Hope, how do I know they won’t rat out to the public and say something?” She wearily asked._

_“The same way you won’t. NDA is assigned by all parties. I take high responsibility for both sides, but if they choose to talk I will legally and dare I say personally destroy them. Besides the fee pays well for their silence. I was passed down this business Ashlyn, it has been going on for forty years now and we’ve never had any trouble of someone going to the press. As for the type of women, you would be surprised. We have an array of women in different professions. Medical school, law school, college girls, single mothers, even ex-professional players. Everyone in this goes through a background check, I can guarantee you none of these will women will bring media scrutiny.”_

_“What, what is expected at the end of the night or during the engagement period?” she stares at the blonde in confusion until a laugh escapes her. “Oh! absolutely nothing. You sign a no intimacy clause. Of course at events we would assume some affection will be displayed but those will all be written and consented by both parties. In your engagement clause, we would allow for more intimacy than usual but no sexual activities.”_

_“I’m sorry I just don’t understand how the media would even buy me being engaged to someone so quickly. How would the living arrangements even work?”_

_“We say you’ve known each other for a while and realized you’ve had feelings for each other. As for the marriage of course we wouldn’t necessarily go straight in to it. There would be a timeline to follow. The media would eat it up anyways, you’re like the George Clooney of sports anyways. Living arrangements for the engagement will be discussed once we cross the bridge, as for dates I am in charged. I will arrange everything. For the safety of both of you I will arrange for a car service to pick her up and drop her at the location of the event or a prearranged meeting location shall you decide to arrive together to the event. This can range from my office or the soccer plex”_

_“Right.”_

_"Here is a draft of the contract and one of the profiles of someone I think would be perfect for you. Look it over. Since you’re one of my highest profiled clients and media coverage will be tricky, the cost might not come in cheap but I promise you by World Cup time no one will even question your personal life. Now, I unfortunately have to handle a client of mine who decided to go off and half a steroid scandal, you can take those with you or stay here and review them. I’ll see you around Harris” Standing up the two women shook hand, Hope leaving Ashlyn in the conference room alone yet again._

_Ashlyn stayed in the room reviewing the contract over and over before finally glancing at the profile Hope had given her. There were no pictures but a solidified description. An ex-professional soccer player. It seemed absurd that these women weren’t money hungry or at least whatever compensation was being paid was enough to keep them quiet for a while. However, she was intrigued. Ashlyn liked to posses control in the field, perhaps taking control off the field would ideal as well. The contract laid out everything, no flowers, no hearts. No need to validate whatever feelings relationships come from. This was perhaps what Ashlyn really needed._

 

 

 

\---

 

 

Her brown hair fell in waves down her back and bounced softly as she walked into Hope’s office. Wearing a navy blue pleated long sleeve dress with a gold belt around her waist Ali looked as she should for their interview but even Ashlyn couldn't deny her heartbeat picked up a little at the sight.

 

"Hi." The keeper managed to say after an awkward silence.

 

"Hi." She sounded exhausted and barely hid it with makeup. Ashlyn could see signs in the brunette that she cried the night before. Sliding off her heels, Ali curled her legs onto the couch in weird familiarity like she'd been there numerous times. Her hands picked at an invisible thread on her dress before she moved one to rest her head on as they waited for Hope and the interviewer.

 

"Something on your mind?" Ashlyn asked and she could see the debate happening in the confines of the ex-defender’s mind.

 

"Last night." She began taking a deeper breath before she continued.

 

"Look, I can handle indifference Ashlyn. I don't expect you to change your life for this arrangement. I honestly don't expect anything from you." Her voice remained firm despite the trembling of her leg. Ashlyn straightened her chair and leaned forward to measure the brunette better.

 

"I am indifferent to you Ali."

 

The brunette’s mouth opened to answer before they were interrupted by their media consultant, Kelley.

 

"Oh good, you're early. I have a makeup artist who will be here in ten. Peter, your interviewer will be here in an hour." Kelley ran her hands through Ali’s hair and quirked her lip in acquiescence.

 

"Now this interview is for People Magazine. This one is important. The average American’s are the one’s we’re trying to convince to watch the world cup and most importantly the ones we want to gain confidence in you Ashlyn, so these are the people you need to convince first and foremost. They are the most important because truly you have a lot ridding on you on and off the field. They need to know that you aren't a distraction Ali." Kelley circled Hope’s desk, looking at the photographs of the couple from last night’s event and turning back to Ali.

 

"Pay close attention to how these interviews work. You will be giving several over the next three months, specially as we announce the engagement to ‘People’ today. You also have an interview in three days with Premiere Bride. I have spoken to Hope, Ashlyn and we have agreed to change the dress designer to someone from Florida. You know in full support of local business and showing that small-city girl in you. Not that it would matter considering the wedding wont happen, but it keeps the façade up." Ashlyn nodded, hating this shit but she feigned interest. Kelley continued turning to Ali now and discussing the questions with her. Ashlyn isolated herself to a quiet headspace and worked, going over her statics on the field and stealing quick glances of Ali getting her make up done. She looked about as happy as Ashlyn was to be there which just added to the pile of shit Ashlyn had created, labeled ‘Ali's contradictory behavior.’

 

Hope finally walked in announcing Peter Bock and he moved to join Ali on the couch. Past the hairspray, Ashlyn could smell the familiar scent of amber and vanilla that she remembered from the night before. Resting her larger hand on Ali’s thigh, the ex-defender didn't miss a beat and her hand laid lazily on top of the keeper’s.

 

Peter Bock, a man probably in his late thirties and still trying to embrace the hipster look with skinny jeans and oxfords. His hair even more unruly than his style, he sat and fumbled with his recorder and notepad before finally offering an introduction. Peter relaxed at Ali's introduction. Idiot. The exact moment Ali smiled at him and shook his hand, you could visibly see him gravitate towards her. Ashlyn wanted to tell him he could fucking have her but the vision of that ended up pissing the blonde off more than giving her relief. They began with the usual questions pertaining to the world cup. How is training? What are the expectations? Excitement for the qualifiers? Any new ventures you want to share? After that they turned to their relationship and the announcement of the engagement. How did they first meet? What did she think of the proposal 

"There is criticism about you marrying too soon?" Peter asked.

"Well I know that's not directed at me." Ashlyn joked even though she hated to participate. A swift slap of humiliation raked over her as soon as it left her mouth.

"You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. At 30, if I'm at a club partying then I am irresponsible and have yet to enter the real world. And if you're getting married at 30, you still aren't there because they believe you are indulging some long fulfilled thirteen-year-old fantasy that you’ve yet to accomplish because you we’re too focused on your career or are now realizing how ‘little’ time you have left. Considering how public our engagement will now be, I think they'll find anything to criticize me for. Age and relationship status has and always will be something someone is judged for or stereotyped over. Regardless of what they say, it has no bearing on my feelings for Ashlyn."

"Do you feel the same about the criticism with your career choices and dedication to the sport."

"I'll answer that." Ashlyn interrupted following the dialogue that Hope had prepared for them. "Ali and I have always found common ground despite the career choices. Our profession hasn't directed our conversations or our feelings, in fact we’ve bonded over our love for soccer. People can criticize but as she said, it has no bearing on how we feel about each other.

"How has your mother's death impacted your relationship?" Ashlyn could feel the mood change as the severe switch of questions registered.

"I think that by impacting the way I view life and relationships in general contributes to any relationship I have right now." Ali’s voice wavered and out of the corner of her eye, Ashlyn could see the brunette’s fingers drumming along the edge of her couch cushion. Undaunted by her obvious discomfort and the terse tone of her voice, Peter continued. Ashlyn felt the rage begging like a distant wave traveling to a shore it had no business reaching. All of her control and restraint rested on deep breaths but Ali's faint quiver of her lip pressed upon the blonde with a sharp ache. Ashlyn didn't even have time to think about why it bothered her so much before reaching for Ali’s hand.

"I'm fairly certain that the list of questions we received didn't include any referencing the death of her mother. In fact, it was agreed upon that no questions would venture there. If you continue to berate my fiancé, I’ll have this exclusive canceled before you even draw another letter on your pitiful notepad." Ali seemed to relax, the blonde felt a shift beneath her hand before Ali tightened her grip. Ashlyn’s body still fueled with anger, she watched Peter stammer an apology before flipping a page and continuing.

Her muscles still tense, it took three questions, which Ali answered perfectly, before Ashlyn could successfully rejoin the conversation. And even then she could only slate herself for losing control so easily that it forced rigidity over her, one she knew they both sensed. Fuck. Ali slid her hand from hers, her hand feeling the loss immediately but Ashlyn took comfort in it. Inch by inch, the keeper felt control crawling back into every nerve of her body.

Control. To lose even an ounce pissed her off. She looked at Ali, smiling again trying to save their interview and she did it well. Hope was right, she had an innate charisma. It was neither inauthentic nor forced and so she drew their interviewer in more. Her effort though was strained but Ashlyn only noticed because she knew Ali’s mood prior.

"One last question," Peter began and Ashlyn shifted her attention back to him with a smile she couldn't even pretend was honest. "Who is the messier person between you two?"

"Me."

"Ali." They both said in unison. It wasn't even one of the questions her Hope prepared for them. Ashlyn leaned over and kissed Ali’s cheek as they agreed before the interview feeling only Ali’s thighs stiffen beneath her hand. The brunette looked just as shocked as Ashlyn felt that they even answered correctly. Ashlyn just knew. She could tell by the difference in their personalities who it would be. Ali must have assumed the same.

They both stood as Peter shut off his recorder and packed his things. Ashlyn was still pissed that he went after Ali the way he did. They shook hands awkwardly, the gesture filled with more relief that it was over than appreciation and Ashlyn rounded Hope’s desk, sitting in her chair as they watched Peter leave.

Ali sat quietly on the couch while they waited for everyone else to leave. Everyone besides Kelley and Hope, who Ashlyn expected to lose their shit in four, three, two.

"You two really need to get laid." Kelley spat out as the door closed. "I don't even care if it's with other people as long as you can keep it a secret but you both need to relax more with each other."

“Kelley!” Hope’s stern voice filled the office “There will be no fornication between you too. I don’t run some brothel.” The older woman warned, power resonating with every word only to be dismissed by her own sigh seconds later. “But I have to agree, you two need to get it together, figure it out.”

"Ali, you really need to be prepared to answer questions about your mother or your career. This topic will not go away and wishing it will be futile. I'll come over tomorrow, so get your cry fest out of the way tonight because I am going to hound you with questions about her until it becomes routine and not such a trigger." Kelley warned.

Well now Ashlyn wanted to rip her fucking head off, actually both of them. Her life was becoming so much more complicated than she ever wanted. Kelley kept talking and Ali took everything in stride. While she looked more exhausted than upset, she seemed to handle the criticism well.

"You!" Hope pointed at Ashlyn and the keeper shrugged her shoulders in indifference.

"Your little temper tantrum despite how noble it looks to others left you pissed off for the rest of the interview."

"I really don't give a fuck."

"Yeah it looked like it. Figure it out or I'm sending you both away for a weekend together and I'll force you both to find some common ground here. I put you two together because I knew you would a good match. I am never wrong about this, so whatever stick you have up your ass—Take.It.Out"

"We can only manipulate perception so much." Kelley ended, the two women storming out of office.

Ashlyn drew in a deep breath, closing her eyes and listening to Ali's movement as she packed her things. Alone. Ashlyn wanted to be fucking alone without any interruption or female voices bickering in her ears. Finally opening her eyes, Ali lingered by the door staring at one of the photograph’s in Hope’s office of Ashlyn.

"Thank you." Ali spoke quietly but firmly over her shoulder. Ashlyn really didn't want to acknowledge her apology because it meant recognizing she allowed herself to lose control and it was in fact because of the defender that she did.

  _She wants you for your status._

It washed away any of the attachment she formed to the brunette. Convincing herself of a reasoning behind the arrangement. As Ali waited, she stood before the keeper, as the stranger Ashlyn needed her to be.

"Qualifiers 2011” She ended up saying referencing to the photograph Ali kept staring at.

"Vs. Sweden." The brunette replied back. Ashlyn knew of Ali’s background in soccer but she couldn't say she judged the defender to actually retain the information pertaining to her own particular games.

"Best save of 2011. Nearly injured yourself with that stretch”

"I think I still have some turf burns” Ashlyn teased.

"It was one of the most beautiful games I’ve ever seen. So much at steak but so much control" She replied, her nostalgia for the game itself evident on the lingering notes of her voice.

"Only someone who steps foot on a field knows of such. Control and Command"

"Is there a difference?"

"Control is how much power you have over yourself, command is how much power you give on to other’s." Ashlyn told the brunette, a common phrase she repeated to herself sometimes. Ali studied the picture more for a while, ruminating the keeper’s reply.

"Your command can only go so far Ashlyn if you can’t truly control yourself"

"How do you control yourself? 

The brunette chuckled "I bake.”

"You?" Ali asked back.

_I fuck._ But Ashlyn didn't say that out loud.

She didn't answer and Ali didn't seem content to wait. A weight of silence settled between them both.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Ali finally spoke as she left.

The sound of the door closing brought in a newfound sense of self-recrimination. Fuck. Fuck her and fuck this entire situation. Ashlyn crumbled the news headlines of last night’s event that laid across Hope’s desk. Control. Full Control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! Who is this mystery woman who broke Ashlyn's heart!! Haha, hopefully now you see that Ashlyn is just closed off because her heart's been broken and not because she's downright mean. The next few chapter's we will see their feelings start to develop, might even get a bit steamy (;


	4. The Spy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I will be entering finals week and will be dealing with a bunch of deadlines so in case I don't get to update then, here is an early chapter! I hope you like it... specially my surprise ending (;

Ali waited outside of Dulce’s Bakery at a small rustic table enjoying the feel of the sun. Even her sluggish eyes opened for the warm day Orlando seemed to always grace them with. Of course, she was wrapped in a sweater bracing the early November weather but it made for an easier comfort than it being too warm.

God, she was tired. To do anything, even run an errand, she had to curl her hair and apply make-up. It made her want to chop all of her hair off but she threatened that already only to hear Ashlyn begin a tirade of curse words. And the conversation was already tense with the keeper scolding of her outfit choice to go grocery shopping in.

Ashlyn had changed since the day of their interview with People Magazine. Staying true to her word, the blonde remained indifferent unless Ali disappointed her and then she moved quickly to remind the defender of such. And Kelley, well she definitely took pride in her job. She fired questions at Ali for three hours about her mother until nothing but numbness coursed through the brunette. They were able to reduce her mother to nothing but a slight sour taste in her mouth than the drowning water board effect she sometimes felt. Still feeling the lingering effects, Ali drank some more of her coffee trying to rid the dazed state of mind she'd been sporting since.

Ashlyn approached with her usual domineering manner. The keeper’s strides were equal and confident and her navy tailored suit with red accentuated details hugged her body in all the right places. Ali smiled as she knew she should as Ashlyn bent down and kissed her forehead before sitting.

"I have twenty minutes before an appearance."

"I have the Premier Bride photo-shoot in an hour at the house." She replied with the same distracted tone the blonde used.

"Yes, I'll be out after this appearance to look at the renovations and check on your shoot. They are only to shoot in the Master bedroom. If they try for anything else in my absence, you decline."

"Okay."

"They'll also be sending me pictures of your makeup and hair for my approval before they shoot." 

"What for?"

 "I have my reasons; none I need to explain to you." The ability to keep her mouth shut and her tongue bitten quickly lost its appeal but the one rule her mother always used to discipline her with reverberated through her. 

_Don't bite the hand that feeds you._

As much as she refused to follow the advice in teen fashion when it came to her mother, she had much more to lose now than a cell-phone and allowance. So she nodded, drank her coffee, and tried to pep herself up for a photo-shoot she cringed to even be doing. Their lunch progressed mainly with silence and added bouts of conversation she forced Ashlyn to initiate just to slightly irritate the blonde. It wasn't obvious but the keeper sensed it no doubt. Ashlyn parted ways the same way they met with a kiss and a smile and a much needed good-bye.

"Ali." She jerked almost spilling some of her coffee at the familiar voice and turned to see Emily standing behind her.

 "Emily." She managed with a much welcomed excitement.

"I'm not stalking you." Emily admitted sarcastically. She looked much different in a pair of blue scrubs. Her hair, unruly in a messy bun yet appealing in its chaos ass the doctor worked to tame the blonde rebel strands. "I usually grab some lunch from here during my break, good to get away from the hospitals sometimes."

"Who said I wasn't stalking you." Ali quipped back with a smile as she pointed towards the chair in front of her. She barely paid attention to her coffee, just Emily laughing in front of her.

"That would be welcome. Though I'm not sure your fiancé́ would like that kind of media attention." Oh, if she only knew, Ali thought before answering.

 "We have lawyers for that." She joked again, seeing the time on the wooden clock by the service counter. She sighed for dramatic effect before Emily saw her reason for it.

"Shit, I guess being famous has a tight schedule." Emily moved away to say goodbye and Ali for some reason couldn't let it go or she go.

 "Do you have a card? Just in case I find myself in need of medical advice?”

Oh Ali.

Mortification brought an entire new shade of blush to her cheeks as the doctor dug into her bag and gave her one.

“We have volunteer night at the hospital, to read and play with the kids. You should stop by sometime. I’m sure they would like to see a soccer star in their presence” The doctor invited, her blue eyes filled with nothing but kind intentions.

Ali blushed once again nodding, promising to think about it before she found herself bidding a quick goodbye and rushing to her photo-shoot.

She drove to the beautiful house, crowded by construction vans and trucks a. Their driveway lined with Maple Tree's displayed their transformations with beautiful showcase. As much as she loved her home, she'd grow to love this one; although this estate not at all painted with the sentiment of her childhood home, she'd certainly try. If one thing Ashlyn had tried, it was to create a home they would both enjoy.

She then studied her future home. The scale of it mimicked the one she currently lived in but twice its size. With 6 rooms and 7 bathrooms, she had no idea how to even handle the space. Granted not one room was specifically given to her besides a spare bedroom that she'd sleep in. They had an outdoor pool and indoor jacuzzi she'd probably use and most likely the fitness center too. The architecture, contemporary, incorporated 30 ft. of private beach property. The brick paved driveway although covered with vehicles displayed an amazing pattern of different shades of gray bricks. The home itself had a modern zen feel with its craftsmanship and she knew it was Ashlyn’s intent to match the interior. She had an eclectic taste of coastal and transitional styles. As much as the keeper given Ali freedom to decorate, she ran into the blonde’s controlling ego every step of the way until Ali just handed the responsibility off.

She was first greeted by Ashlyn’s brother Chris who picked her up, spun her around, and then hugged her again with childish glee.

"The one who tamed my ass of a sister." He yelled above the sounds of saws and hammers.

"Tolerate might be a better word." She joked back as he laughed again. His tall muscular build and earnest face gave him a trustworthy and familiar appearance. His hazel eyes didn't help either. He was simply charming in aesthetic. They talked for a moment with an ease she'd never had with Ashlyn.

“Well, you’ve managed to captivate her. No one’s been able to do so since A-“

Her ears strained at the first syllable however they both stopped in their track, seeing the panicky expression of an assistant waiting by the stairs. She sighed for dramatic effect before he saw her reason for it.

"Shit, go free her from her misery you evil woman."

\------

Sitting in hair and makeup for two hours gave her too much time to neurotically replay her embarrassing statement. Her chatty hairdresser Steven helped. He complimented her hair and bone structure along with her honey brown eyes the entire time he worked on her. Not that she needed the ego stroke, but she couldn't help but feel good after that. He curled her hair into loose waves while her make up exuded the same effect with a smokey eye and fake eyelashes. In twenty minutes, her much less panicked assistant Jamie brought her into the master suite.

With a large four post bed positioned against the back wall and across from the fireplace they had lit, they directed her towards the bed showcasing mostly white sheets. The room was enormous. Six windows, three on each side of the two modern sliding doors leading to the balcony, made it seem even larger. Their interior decorator had chosen white paint, allowing the original trims and dark wood floors to stand out along with the original fireplace mantle decorated lightly with fall accessories.

They dressed her in a local lingerie designer wanting her to showcase her work and also to play on Ali being a young modern wife. Her lingerie hugged her curves. A classic white and blush lace bra with an attached corset meant to double as a shaper for her dress which was also meant to play on one of her tips she gave as part of the interview the day before.

Her heart already a speed of nerves raced even faster as she climbed atop the bed and if her day couldn't get any more mortifying, Ashlyn chose to enter. She kept her trembling hands hidden in the sheets as three people began to position her. The blonde looked at Ali, her expression changing to one the brunette hadn't seen before. Not allowing herself to feel completely humiliated, she focused on the directions firing at her.

One knee here, nope not there. A hand right here. Chin up like this. Bite your lip like that.

Finally, she found herself raised on her knees, both hands holding a sheet to partly shield her legs with her head slightly raised and her teeth lightly raking her lower lip. She managed to feel herself smiling knowing the sooner she gave them what she wanted, the sooner she could move to the next outfit. Part way through, she met Ashlyn's gaze only after she caught the keeper staring everywhere else of her but her eyes. It gave her a jolt of confidence. She focused more on her pose, staring into the camera with a satiating satisfaction. Ashlyn lingered by the door, her hazel eyes darting between her phone and Ali. The ex-defender felt a finger tug at her bra strap to let it would fall and a set of hands fluff at her hair while another pair of hands grabbed at her thighs to separate them. Ashlyn glared and then left abruptly leaving only the sound of the door slamming which only seemed to faze Ali.

Two hours later, she was finally back into real clothes. Not the lingerie set, the bridal robe, or the white pant suit they made her wear. She was back into jeans, boots, and her sweater. Her exhaustion began its unsettling journey through her again and she decided to keep her momentum up while she had it. Leaving the master bedroom, she walked to see the room Ashlyn designated for her. She could hear the renovations of the downstairs echoing around her. They'd finished the upstairs two days ago. Still somewhat unpainted and only halfway decorated, she was left only to imagine the potential.

Her room was the last room at the end of the hallway. She opened the door only to shut it quickly. She didn't need much but compared to the Master bedroom Ashlyn would be occupying; her room was a closet. Hesitantly, she opened it again stepping into the room this time. Bare of furniture and unpainted, it was a box void of personality or purpose. Two sets of windows overlooked the side of the property and at least those had a nice view of the sea front that surrounded them. The bathroom had both a shower and tub plus a nice vanity but it was all generic feeling. Her chest felt the heavy weight of oncoming tears as she slid down the wall of her room for the next who knew how many years of her life. A box. A cage. Her prison.

One week and a move to the new house, one NWSL game, two charity meetings plus three dates with Ashlyn later, she finally had a free night to be alone. Stripping off her clothes, Ali grabbed for some three quarter length yoga pants and a cropped workout shirt adorning Penn State’s mascot. She cut it her junior year of college with her best friend Heather O'Riley trying to be cool but as always time brought her a painful clarity and she cringed remembering those days. Throwing her hair up in a messy bun she collapsed back onto her bed shielding her eyes with her hands from the world around her. She should sleep but she couldn't. Her body alive with restlessness refused to.

Getting up, Ali decided to workout not that she needed it although if she were to ask Ashlyn, she'd probably object. Instinctively, Ali rolled her eyes. Her body was tone from running and just exercising on the beach in the morning. Once a soccer player, the exercise regimen was hard to forget.

She had adopted a clean eating lifestyle during her soccer career and more so after her mother was diagnosed with cancer so her diet wasn't an issue; although, she did have a junk food draw hidden in her room filled with Lays Sour cream and onion chips and Oreo's. Even her mother used to sneak in when she still had the strength and indulge with her. They'd laugh, watch whatever movie version of Nicholas Sparks’ book was out and devour an entire bag of chips together. She felt her hand grab at her chest and tears fight their way out. Her control won but that hurt. And she was somewhat relieved she could still feel pain. Being numb came simultaneously with guilt and guilt felt worse than loss. The sound of their doorbell ringing didn't register at first. Odd, she knew but when you weren't listening for a sound, you often refused to hear it.

She followed their hall to the grand staircase and turned every light on along the way. Yes, she was a baby. At 6:00, the sun was already beginning to set as she opened the door.

"Ali."

"Mrs. Harris. I um, Hi." She stammered at the warm smile of Ethel Louis Harris. They'd met once briefly during one of Ashlyn’s NWSL games but time didn't show on her face of the keeper’s grandmother.

"Oh we're way past pleasantries. You're marrying my granddaughter." Ethel waved chastisingly and held up two grocery bags of food.

"This might feel like an intrusion and I'm sure my granddaughter will be here soon enough to chastise me but if you haven't eaten yet, I'd love to have dinner with you." Ali stared waiting for her shock to subside before she mentally slapped herself for being rude.

"Of course, come in."

Ethel strode in gracefully. Dressed in colorful navy ankle trousers and a pink cardigan, Ali closed the door frantically.

"I should probably change."

"Oh please don't. I'm envious of how comfortable you look and if I had your body, I'd be walking around naked all the time." She uttered without any shame and Ali only frowned already able to envision Ashlyn as she bitched Ali out.

 "Oh this?" Ethel pointed at her outfit finally realizing that's what Ali was staring at. "I had a community meeting, you know the ones with women who converse more than they act. I swear I much rather be in my bathrobe watching Ellen.”

Ali followed her into the kitchen waiting for the moment to escape and grab a something to cover up with. She should probably throw on some jeans at least.

"Please it's not a big deal. You look like you need a glass of wine."

"Sorry. It's just, this isn't what I planned to wear when I formally met you."

"You don't have to pretend with me." She smiled as Ali set down two wine glasses between them.

"I haven't been in this house since it was just land. Amazing how fast Chris can work, beautiful home for a married couple" Ethel commented after her first sip.

"Thank you. Chris is amazing at what he does. We’re lucky to have this home” She replied before mentally adding just kidding, your grand daughter’s publicist arranged all this.

"So I brought food to make some pasta primavera." Ali started to unpack one grocery bag while Ethel unpacked the other. She had no idea what Ethel knew and her heart raced with panic.

"I have to run upstairs really quick and grab my phone." Ethel acknowledged with a knowing smirk as she hurried 

"Tell Ash we need another bottle of wine when she comes." The older woman called out. It took two calls before Ashlyn answered.

"What?" Ashlyn answered irritatingly. Ali gritted her teeth and waited out the urge to respond with a you fucked up this time reply.

"Your grandmother is here." She said calmly, scouring her room for a different shirt.

"What? Why the fuck is she there?" The keeper growled back. "She brought dinner. What does she know?"

"Nothing. She thinks we're real. I'll be there as soon as I can." Ashlyn answered before hanging up. Ali threw her phone on the bed and in a panic searched for a different shirt. It wasn't technically a real meeting but it sure felt like one and she answered the door in yoga pants and a damn crop top.

Ethel doesn't care.

Ali cared. Who she was in her bedroom and her home was sacred to her in a time that nothing felt in her control. Becoming dependent on the masks she wore, she settled in the middle of the room before letting the anxiety take its course. This was her life now. One anxiety attack away from either alcoholism or a Xanax prescription. Her closet taunted her. The slacks hanging over her door teased her feet to move towards them. Jesus, she was losing it. Her days as a laid back artist were numbered and she was fairly certain they just hit single digits. This, she thought was the product of being judged for your every move.

Looking in the mirror, she studied herself. Measuring the shirt, she decided it wasn't as bad as she thought. The usual crop tops currently trending as it covered her belly button but she still had about a three-inch gap between the top of her yoga pants and her shirt. Feeling like an idiot for debating it in the first place she gave up. If Ashlyn wanted to spend her energy criticizing Ali, then at least the blonde wasn't indifferent. As much as Ali wished for it, Ashlyn attention for some god forsaken reason felt wanted regardless of the blonde’s intent. She headed back down, her mind an internal debate between turning back and moving forward.

Ethel perched herself on a barstool. The stove on with water boiling and her fingers worked tediously at the chicken, trimming and preparing them to be stuffed. Ethel directed her to work on the vegetables before asking her where all the kitchen utensils were. They both prepared food with casual conversation. She explained per their publicist and prior interviews their relationship. Ethel's happiness felt tangible between them, it almost made her heart melt. A grandmother and dare she say mother’s love, Ali thought as she finished up and began washing all their dishes. Ali didn't know if it were the fact that her back was facing Ethel or the larger space between them now but the conversation took a turn towards much deeper topics than the superficial ones they just chatted about 

"Can I just say how grateful I am that Ashlyn has you? I have always always worried about her. I'm sure her past is scary for you." Ali kept her gaze fixed on her hands navigating the dish water with none of her focus. Scary past echoed long after Ethel had finished her sentence. Finally, Ali nodded to suggest she knew but her heart hammered in her chest as she listened like a child eavesdropping on a conversation they knew for damn sure they shouldn't be.

"It was scary for me and not for the reasons you might imagine. I grew terrified that she might always be haunted by her mother and her activities. The alcoholism, it drove her crazy. She wasn’t my daughter anymore and she certainly wasn’t apt to take care of Ashlyn or Chris. I know she’s my daughter but I harbor some resentment for treating my grandchildren so terribly, specially Ash. I knew since she was little she would be different, but she’s my grandchild and no one is more kind and sweet than that hazel, blonde eyed girl.  The things she allowed to happen to Ashlyn at school, it makes me physically ill. I can't even comprehend." Ethel’s voice trembled as Ali's hands did with only the distraction of the bubbling pasta to keep her somewhat ground. she felt a tear carve a trail down her cheek as her imagination ran wild with different scenarios.

"She's always had a difficult time with women after her mother’s treatment. Her trust in them was shaky to begin with and our lifestyle didn't help. Coming from nothing to the limelight, is not like she was used to things. In fact, I think it hardened her more. The girls." Ethel scoffed at the last part. "They have flocked to my granddaughter for her money, travel, career. In a way she's only known shallow women, desperate women doing anything for money, and untrustworthy women." Ali felt her heart drop to her stomach. Still hammering but now it came with nausea. No wonder Ashlyn’s hate felt so colossal. Indifference was a present for her it seemed now that she knew some truth. 

"I am so happy Ash has found you. If you're anything like everyone describes, I know you have enough love in your heart for Ashlyn. I am even happier she’s considers herself lovable. She’ll try and push you away. I don't doubt it will be a continuous battle. Her grandfather is the same way. He used to do it because he always believed I'd leave anyway." They were interrupted by Ashlyn and Ali felt her shoulders sag with relief. Her hands moved with routine movement, actions she didn't exactly think about before performing them. As she vaguely listened to Ashlyn’s uncommon loving and sweet conversation with Ethel, she couldn't stop thinking about their conversation, about Ashlyn.

"Hi." Ali flinched as she felt Ashlyn’s hands snake around her waist and the keeper’s lips press to her cheek. The blonde moved her fingers to grip the curves above Ali’s hips, the scorching heat of her hands teasing the defender’s skin. Ali shifted nervously and she was grateful Ashlyn stood as a shield between her and Ethel because her discomfort was obvious. Ashlyn dallied for a moment waiting for her to relax. And she did. Eventually she melted into the taller woman’s embrace, exhaustion moving quickly over her as she rested her head against the blonde’s chest. It always happened like this. Reluctant at first, she seemed to fall easily into the simulated love. The effects similar to a drug and the temptation so appealing to lose all control. 

"Hi." Ali replied flashing a small smile as Ashlyn kissed her once more and retreated to the Kitchen Island. Hearing Ashlyn’s apologize to Ethel for keeping their relationship from her demonstrated a different side of the blonde, a much less dominating side. The blonde loved her...a lot, Ali thought quickly and without doubt. Pushing all her insecurities and fears aside, she decided she'd put on a performance with the blonde the best she's ever done because it's important to Ashlyn and Ali could relate. She wished the same blissful ignorance for her father if he’d ever were to meet Ashlyn.

"Who's ready to eat?" Ali asked excitedly, plastering a smile on and succumbing to the high that undoubtedly came with each exchange.  

Dinner progressed smoothly. She smiled, played the usual supportive fiancé, and took every touch and kiss Ashlyn gave her with believable comfort. Who was she kidding? She enjoyed it. Acting with Ashlyn blurred the boundaries between reality and fantasy, and Ali’s feet found themselves only too eager to join Ethel in ignorant bliss. So when Ashlyn told Ali that she loved the brunette dressed down, she believed it despite her head sharply reminding her that Ashlyn wasn't real. They weren't real and it came with such a disintegrating sense of loss that she hid herself even more with the lie. The time would come when Ashlyn would leave and Ali would be forced to deal with the consequences, but not right now. Right now, she received the chance to be happy even if she was only pretending because for seconds it felt real. For seconds her desires to have this, to have Ashlyn and the grandmother at her dinner table were too valuable for her not to enjoy.

Ashlyn kept her hand on Ali’s thigh, an action the defender didn't pay attention to until it was all she felt. The strength of her grip obscured all of Ali’s thoughts. The gesture was hidden from Ethel therefore unnecessary yet the keeper’s hand held her like an anchor. Ali kept her gaze fixed on Ethel as she slid her hand to cover Ashlyn’s. She felt the blonde stiffen, her grip growing hard and unmoving yet shaking and eager to let go but tentatively Ali curled her fingers around the larger hand. Neither of them acknowledged it with a glance, they both just let it be.

"Well I better be getting home. Your grandfather is probably wondering where I am." Ethel told them as she finished the last sip of her wine. Ashlyn’s hand withdrew before they both stood and hugged her bye. Ali felt the lingering squeeze of their chests as Ethel wouldn't allow her to pull away.

"Thank you." She whispered adding another squeeze for emphasis before letting go.

 "Ashlyn I assume you are staying aren't you?" Ethel asked as they both stared at each other in confusion.

"What?" 

"Well, I know you have your other apartment for practice, but she's not staying in this colossal home alone."

"Oh, of course not." Ashlyn answered receiving a warm smile from Ethel in response. 

"Good. You both have a lovely evening then."

 Ali watched Ashlyn shut the door. She watched the blonde pause as if searching the mahogany wood for direction.

"You don't have to stay. If she asks, I'll lie." Ali dismissively uttered as she turned to head back upstairs. The fall from her high began its numbing covering.

"I'm staying."

 

\---

Her mother once said that her job was to teach Ali that the world delivered consequences. As a parent, she would deliver the same to her daughter in order to prepare her. She couldn't cry to get what she wanted. She could challenge something respectfully and they encouraged her to fight for her beliefs but she also had to have a valid argument to do so.

"Just like in the real world." Her mother would add constantly. "We are preparing you for a world we can't protect you from forever."

And currently that world was kicking her ass. Ali watched the flickers and movements of the flames of their fireplace thinking and trying not to think and then berating herself for trying to monitor her thoughts. The real world sucked! She thought ending the anxious pacing's of her head. That was it. There was nothing else to it. The real world delivered a funeral, an arranged engagement, and an ass of a fiancé all within a six-month period. And it sucked.

Her fingers drummed rapidly against the braided throw she had draped over her. The room danced with the shadows thrown from the flames as her Kindle App went dark with her neglectful eyes. She sighed again thinking about Ashlyn. There was a debate in college about the best player of all time and she fell into the minority battling against a larger group with louder opinions. She felt that way when she thought about Ashlyn. Praised by the media, the keeper’s teammates, and everyone Ali met besides herself, it was a battle to reconcile her opinions with others. Her reality, foggy as it felt, refused to give her clarity. Ashlyn’s hand on her thigh left her even more confused than usual. She was draining. Emotionally, her struggle continued its growth in trying to prepare herself for Ashlyn only to have the keeper add an entire new element she neglected to arm herself for.

Ali stilled as she heard movement on the stairs knowing it could only be Ashlyn. She curled tighter into herself and turned on her kindle even though her attention was completely focused on the sounds of the keeper’s footsteps approaching. The wood bent beneath Ashlyn’s feet giving Ali the audible sounds of the blonde’s weight and mood because Ali heard her stop and pace outside of the living room. Back and forth the blonde walked as Ali listened with weary curiosity.

"Ashlyn?" She finally asked tiredly hoping to decide the direction for the blonde. Ali watched the light of the fireplace flicker against Ashlyn’s face as she walked in. She twirled her phone between her fingers as she sat in the leather chair across from Ali, positioning herself on the edge as if unsure if she was going to stay or not. Ali wanted to laugh. She couldn't believe it. Looking at Ashlyn, the brunette realized they were mirror images of each other. Both battling their internal struggle with their situation. Ashlyn moved her phone to the side table and then returned her conflicted gaze to her hands. Running them almost violently against her jeans, she finally began to speak and Ali grew heavily grateful. Silence, the defender realized, sometimes eroded a relationship more than words.

"This is you isn't it?" Ashlyn finally asked, her voice a juxtaposition of softness to both her exterior and her restrained frustration. Ali sat straighter letting her brows knit in the same way as the blonde’s with her confusion. Ashlyn’s jaw clenched as she worked to explain herself. Her hazel eyes bore into Ali’s brown ones almost forcing her to recognize Ashlyn’s meaning without her clarity. She was so difficult to understand when she took on that expression. Ashlyn always exuded strength and her presence was one of great demand for attention if only because it radiated from her.

"Dressed down." The keeper finally added with a slight growl. "The way I saw you tonight, the way I see you right now. This is you." She motioned a hand towards Ali and the brunette glanced down at herself finally gathering his meaning.

"I mean I dress up sometimes." She replied with a shrug. "But yes, this is mostly me." Ashlyn nodded at her validating response. The keeper’s hands gripped her thighs tightly as Ali saw the veins of her forearms stand out with restraint.

"I ah. I've never been in a real relationship before. Not one with real feelings." Ashlyn mumbled quietly. Visibly Ali tried to hide her shock but from the look Ashlyn gave her, she didn't do it well. Thirty years old and she'd never dated someone, never felt the flutters of excitement of a new relationship, or the comfort of having someone, just someone to claim even if it's only temporary.

"My last relationship was in high school and that was more infatuation now that I can view it with a less clouded head." Ali spoke trying and probably failing terribly to make the blonde feel better. And what did she do, she decided to ramble because now the silence weighed too heavy and it ground her nerves from rope to flimsy strings.

"I dated John Taylor my junior and senior years of High School. I was in love in that I believed it completely then. He was nice, inclusive and only semi- dismissive in social situations. But most of the time he was good, perfect even according to my standards then. I found out he cheated on me and of course I made this huge display of breaking up with him. I called him all the right insulting names but I cried for him at night. I maintained this indifferent façade to everyone else but truth was I knew I was only infatuated with the idea of him but I never was truly in love with him. I cried more for the loss of him and the realization that I was gay than I did for his betrayal."

"Why would you cry for him?"

"I cringe now. My mother raised me stronger than that but love is a permanent mark. When you love, you give away permanently a piece of your heart and you expect for them to treat it the way you have envisioned it in your mind, the way you've been taught. This, my mother told me, is where I run into trouble. And people like to believe they get that piece back whether shattered or intact with cracks but I don't think so. I think the people we love hold it forever like a tattoo. I guess you should know about that” The brunette teased receiving a small smile from the keeper. “Our exes are the tattoos we place where we can't see. After a while the excitement wears off, the regret goes away, and it merges to a place we only recall with reminders. But the tattoos that we wear proudly on our face and hands..." She couldn't help the shift of her vision to the picture of her parents on the fireplace mantle. "Those we will always look upon to remind ourselves of our standards for love."

Even more conflicted than in the beginning, she realized Ashlyn might not have that. Ashlyn wouldn't have a vision of love if she's only known it as pain. And as much as Ali hated her, she'd never wish that kind of life on even her worst enemy.

 "I'm sorry about your mother." Ashlyn didn't speak it with guilt but with conviction and her usual confidence returned.

"Thank you."

"I don't trust you." The blonde spoke nonchalantly knowing she'd made that clear. It wasn't a new acknowledgment for either of them. "Do you trust me?" Ashlyn questioned studying the brunette and Ali stood walking past Ashlyn to stoke the fire. She searched her thoughts for the right words.

"I trust you with this arrangement. Failure isn't an option for you." Ali looked back at Ashlyn seeing her chest expand with controlled pride. "I trust your success and your accomplishments. I don't trust you with my feelings." With a hint of fear Ali admitted it. The blonde’s mood was temperamental at best. She watched Ashlyn’s eyes move to her chest, at the sharper breaths Ali was pulling in and then to part of her exposed stomach as the blonde watched her there too.

"I'm going to shower." The blonde said quickly as she left leaving only the echoes of their conversation for Ali to think about. She stayed near the fire for a while replaying the entire scene. A lone but loud whisper resonated from deep within her warning her against hope for them. 

Interrupted by the sound of an unfamiliar ring tone, she found Ashlyn's still on the end table next to the chair. She grabbed it and started moving up the stairs only to hear it quit ringing part way up.

"Ashlyn." She called as she knocked on the master-room’s door. Ali waited until she remembered that the blonde was probably in the shower and Ali opened the door moving to the dresser to put her phone down. Ashlyn’s reflection caught her attention from the bathroom mirror as she left the door slightly ajar.

Shock hit Ali like a bus. With a profile image of Ashlyn, she watched the blonde finger herself holding herself against the wall with the arm not penetrating her core. Ali’s stomach pulled in and out severely with each desperate caress. Labored breaths erupted from the keeper’s chest with a hiss and growls that turned into deep grunts as she fingered herself. Her long fingers, Ali could only imagine hot inside her wet warm tight core. The finger’s glistened with juice which Ashlyn stole and rubbed up to her clit in a slow almost magical sensual massage.

Ali should leave but it was the hottest thing she'd ever witnessed. Ever.

Sweat began its slow descent down the keeper’s back and breast both an expanse of rippling muscles with her movements. Driven by the heat pooling at her hips, Ali imagined her hand replacing Ashlyn’s, she imagined dropping to her knees and running her tongue along the wet fold. Ashlyn shuddered and it broke Ali’s reverie as she brought a hand over her mouth. 

_I can't believe I just thought that._

 Ashlyn’s pace quickened, his fingers curling, and Ali saw the hand against the wall try and dig into the tile.

"Fuck." Ashlyn groaned slowing her hand so her thumb could circle her clit. The keeper’s toned stomach twitched and she pulled her head back resuming small thrust into her core. Ali’s breathing began to match Ashlyn’s, her heart the speed of the blonde’s hand, and her need for the keeper’s release growing desperate. The steam from the shower was beginning to fog the mirror and damn her if she wasn't feeling irritated at it.

Finally, Ashlyn came. A long cavernous groan left her mouth as juice’s erupted onto her hand. She kept massaging her clit, her hand working the nub.

Ali left then. Her heart beat violently in her chest as she practically sprinted down the hall towards her room. God, she should've left. She hated Ashlyn but...but there was something so incredibly virile and erotic about the way that the blonde masturbated. Her breathing now ragged, Ali slid down the door as it closed. She needed to get laid. It had been years and when that became too depressing to think about, she climbed from the floor to her bed, shut off her bedside lamp and allowed her hand to slide into her panties. She brought herself to a climax not as hatefully as she should be thinking of Ashlyn as she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! Hope you guys liked that haha. I've never written steamy scenes, so hope I did some justice to your imagination. What was your favorite part of this chapter?


	5. The Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guy's I am sincerely sorry for my lack of updates, but final's are seriously driving me crazy and unfortunately I have to put my studies first. However, I took a break from studying in order to give you this chapter. It's not as long as my usual updates but it get's the story moving a bit. I know some of you have a fear about Emily and cheating, but trust me Emily just serves to counterbalance Ashlyn, and to make Ali realize that even through everything she's still attracted to Ashlyn.

Ali woke exhausted. She didn't sleep much the night before. Dragging herself out of bed, she showered and dried her hair. Leaving her face clear of makeup was just easier after all, specially for a photo-shoot day which they had today. Together. Ali groaned. She didn't know how she was supposed to be around Ashlyn today. Quietly, she tip-toed down the hall breathing a sigh of relief when the blonde’s bedroom was empty. She moved with the same quiet footsteps she mastered in high school down the stairs.

"Ashlyn?" Another step and she paused to listen either to hear Ashlyn reply or to hear movement but Ali heard neither. Feeling some of her anxiety ease, she walked into an empty kitchen and a note on their kitchen island.

_Practice. I'll meet you back here late. –A_

Direct, indifferent, and to the point. Ashlyn. She ate quickly and got ready before the makeup crew arrived. Ali she sat in the living room taking deep breaths preparing herself for the day. Their conversation from the night before threatened her efforts. Ashlyn’s first ounce of vulnerability and it lasted a matter of ten minutes. Still a victory but it left Ali even more confused. She refused to even touch what happened after. Content to just forget about it. The doorbell pulled her out of her thoughts.

ESPN Magazine wanted a cover shot and three other shots of them for their article. Hair and makeup passed faster today and they preferred a much subtler look with both make-up and clothes. They dressed her in a plum loose fitted dress. She looked like a match for Ashlyn as the blonde approached Ali in her even darker gray tailored dress pants & vest. They went with a grey rolled up undershirt and a plum tie before ushering them both into the study. Ashlyn embraced her, kissing Ali’s temple before pulling her towards her desk. It was the largest plain wood desk Ali had ever seen encompassing all of Ashlyn’s presence with the ornament’s around the room, accentuating the desk as a focal point. The office reflected Ashlyn in every sense. The grey wall behind the wooden table was decorated with abstract artistic pictures and even a few action shots of the couple. The biggest highlight, however, was the wall length bookshelf with decorations from Ashlyn’s travels as well as her award collection. The photographer directed Ashlyn to sit while ordering Ali to stand behind the blonde and drape her hands around the keeper’s neck. Ashlyn caught one of Ali’s wrists and held it getting a slew of compliments from the photographer before he started shooting. Ashlyn’s touch felt sexual. Her proximity became a working reminder of what Ali witnessed the night before. She shook her head trying to rid the distraction but the keeper’s thumb then worked a slight graze across her wrist driving shivers from her.

"Are you okay?" Ashlyn asked through a smile and Ali could only reply with a ‘mhmm’ before working her breath under control. Ali could feel the slow even rise of Ashlyn chest with her easily controlled breaths. Ashlyn was a master of her environment and Ali guessed that's what shocked her more about the evening before. She'd seen the blonde stripped (literally) if only for a moment of the keeper’s guarded demeanor.

"I'm fine." Ali replied shortly. The photo-shoot progressed frustratingly and painfully slow. They moved them to one of the white love seat’s in front of the fireplace before changing them both into casual attire for a different photo. Ali fell easily again into the act even after her harder efforts to fight it. And Ali was certain Ashlyn knew that she saw her last night because the blonde’s touches were curiously sensuous. Ashlyn grazed the inside of her thigh, the column of her neck and at her waist during their break. Finally dismissed from her duties, Ali changed and went down to the kitchen where her considerate fiancé́ had ordered her lunch of a salad.

"Hey." She turned at Emily's familiar voice. Ali’s surprised eyes eliciting a laughter from the doctor as the brunette worked fast to finish her bite of spinach.

"Hey!" She replied, still shocked. “What-“ she shook her head trying to formulate the proper words as she watched the doctor leaned casually against the far wall. 

Dressed in a black dress pant’s and white shirt, her attire paired with the doctor’s usual white lab coat. She was a welcomed sight. Anything authentic at this point helped to cleanse Ali’s palate.

“Sport’s Illustrator wanted to get a picture with me and Ashlyn, seeing as she’s helped pay for a lot of children’s surgeries.” Emily explained, her arms crossing in front of her with a teasing smile.

"I get to be part of your world today" She gave the brunette a genuine smile.

 "Well, you enter it and I leave it. This is the last for a while. Thank God." Ali grinned back.

"Oh this is your attention issue at play?" Emily joked and Ali laughed eyeing the blonde with a playful glare. They had conversed for a while, waiting for the crew to get Emily. However, instead of a scrawny man, Ashlyn stormed into the kitchen instead, with a look Ali had never seen on the keeper before.

"Stay away from my Fiancé!" Ashlyn growled planting herself in front of Emily. "Ali, let's go."

"Ashlyn!" She yelled completely mortified.

"Excuse me?" Emily replied pulling her frame from the counter she was leaning on.

"Stay the fuck away from my Fiancé." Ashlyn stepped forward, her body uncharacteristically rigid. 

"Jesus Christ Ashlyn." Ali moved towards the blonde, her own anger blending with the keeper’s.

"We were just talking. I’m just here for the photo-op" Emily answered eyeing Ali as she approached only to garner more of Ashlyn’s attention and she slammed Emily back against the wall.

"Don't. And you can forget about the damn photo-op" Ashlyn warned, her voice wavering with restraint. Ali grabbed Ashlyn’s arm pulling her away only to have the blonde snatch her arm away. Ali mouthed an embarrassed apology at Emily who only dismissed her with a flippant wave but she saw the doctor’s fear.

"What the fuck was that?" She asked as they both stormed out into the terrace that lead to the private beach property. Ashlyn followed and by the sounds of her shoes against the wood, the keeper was still just as pissed.

"You are driving me crazy! Fucking crazy!" Ashlyn yelled at Ali but only because the noise of the crashing waves a few feet away drowned the keeper out to everyone but her. "I saw the way you looked at her!" Ashlyn growled again shoving a finger in Ali’s face. Her audacity sent a wave of rage through the ex-defender.

"The way I looked at her? You flaunt a fuck buddy in front of me and I'm the offensive one! How dare you!" Ashlyn glared at her which Ali met with all her pent up emotional tornado of anger.

"I knew I couldn't trust you."

"Let's not pretend you ever did or that you ever will." 

"Well sneaking into my room last night definitely didn't help either. You are exactly the fame searching whore I thought you were. Don't ever embarrass me like that again." Ashlyn stormed off and her chest clenched tighter around her lungs as she fought tears. Sliding into one of the lounge chair’s, she sat until she could breathe comfortably again. A half hour passed before she finally walked back inside in a state of physical and emotional exhaustion. She refused to acknowledge the tears that carved traitorous trails down her cheeks as she walked through the now desolate house. She aimlessly walked around, an overwhelming sense of resentment when she walked into her tiny room. And that was just icing on the cake for the day.

"What am I doing?" Ali exhaled as she curled her knees into her chest and sat on the floor. The soccer ball sitting in the corner of the room taunting her, begging it to come out to play but she had nothing. Chewing at the inside of her lip, she just stared at the green and blue ball.

Eight weeks in and less than Six and a half months until the World Cup, an event that eluded all her sense of acknowledgment. She had played in a world cup before, but playing was different from being an audience. She was to go and watch every game, supporting her fiancé’s journey to be the best in the world. Ashlyn demanded and received and so she assumed the keeper had hired someone to take care of all arrangement’s. It might not have been out of spite to not ask her opinions but it sure as hell felt like it.

Abruptly, she snatched snatched the ball up, escaping down to the beach outside. She kicked away for hours. There was no purpose. No set direction. It was lost. God, she was lost. Especially after the earlier events, Ashlyn’s mortifying display of possession. She'd call it jealousy but that required the keeper to feel something and she was pretty damn sure Ashlyn felt only a need to possess everything. She sighed filling her lungs with the the fresh salty air, breathing it in with a slow desperation.

"This is what happens when you don't play.” She breathed out harshly.

"Talking to yourself?" She heard Heather’s voice echo from the terrace with some water in her hand. Heather was the only one that knew some of the truth behind Ali’s story, but even then her daemons were far to big to ever reveal everything, even to her best friend.

"I'm of the eccentric group right?" Ali quipped back smiling at the distraction, walking up the stairs to meet the soccer player.

"I did say that once didn't I?" Heather approached slowly careful not to spill her drink as they both sat in the lounge chairs.

"I thought you might like some. Also, my amazing company." Ali nodded and abandoned the ball at her feet.

"What's going on?" Ali shrugged always debating how much she should reveal and how much she actually wanted to say out loud.

"I hate her." She spoke clearly, hearing it through the fog her mind kept creating. Heather laughed almost in confusion.

"I thought we established this."

"I miss her." Ali blurted in no graceful manner. "I mean not her, but who she is when we're together in public. I can pretend to be happy and to be in love. And even if only some of it is authentic, a small part, it's something. It's more than I have right now." She rambled, her words running together in panic. She hated to admit all that shit. It pissed her off.

"I can't do this anymore; live in this limbo, this wonderland. I need to do something. I cant sit around doing nothing HAO. What would you think if I got myself a part-time job somehwere? I wouldn't tell Ashlyn about it. It would just be something of my own, a place where I can just be Ali the kind human being as opposed to Ali the fucked up ex-defender." Heather sighed an agreeing response.

"I think you are 31 years old and you've been static the past five years. I also think it's time you find yourself outside of all this crazy stuff. Your mother always hated how you put your life on hold and I know that right now this might seem small but I think it will make a difference." Heather replied running her hand down Ali’s back. "You need that feeling of independence right now."

"And control." Ali added. And it was her mother she kept hearing the past two days. She was right. Ali couldn't cry to get what she wanted. She also couldn't bury herself in the role of victim because it was easy. "I don't have much experience in anything besides soccer. But I am good with people. I just need to be around other decent human beings" Because Lord knows she couldn't get it in this house. She felt too much resentment for everything there and she hated feeling that way. She hated giving Ashlyn the power to take that from her. 

"Is there anyone that can offer you some type of job? I don't want you to be taken advantage of." Heather asked and she knew she had to keep it a secret. And then she remembered Emily, who had told her of some volunteering opportunities at the hospital. It wasn’t a job, but kids were the least oppressing form of humans on earth. Besides, it gave her a reason to do good and get out of the house. 

She still cringed after the day before and she knew it might take some convincing but it was worth a try. She also felt like she could trust Emily with the secret which considering her current situation was a miracle she had any trust to give.

"I know someone." Heather gave her gentle pats of content. Looks like she might need Emily’s services after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try my best to get another update in tomorrow night. Stay tuned!


	6. The Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the latest installment! A little (more like a lot) of Ashlyn's past revealed. I'm officially done with finals, however I'm packing up my dorm since I will be spending my next semester in D.C. I probably won't get to update till next week so please bare with me!!!

It took less than two days to contact the children’s hospital and ask for any volunteer opportunities. They had different type’s of volunteering opportunities, some including basic filling, helping with food, others serving as companions for the children. She didn't mind having responsibility and to be honest just the feeling of independence and being outside was a high enough to make even the most minute of jobs, an amazing opportunity. Of course, she decided to look alone knowing HAO would have a fit seeing some of the other places she had applied to help, mainly because she still wasn't quite sure about Emily. She'd never been a spiteful person. In fact, her mother made a tremendous effort to thwart such "pettiness" as she'd called it. Life was too short not to feel compassion for those that couldn't feel it themselves because that was a burden heavy in itself. Even still as she thought of Ashlyn, she felt a strong sense to slap the girl and throw words at her with spears of hate but that angered Ali more. It meant the ex-defender cared more than she desired to and she strongly wished for Ashlyn’s indifference.

The only real position that allowed for volunteer’s and seemed rewarding, was helping out in the playroom. Within the hospital walls stood a small room where the children could escape from their suffering pains. Once again being reminded of their innocence. With her hands on her hips, she looked at the tiny space with such a sense of freedom and accomplishment that she almost cried. This was what she wanted. It was why she played sport’s in the first place. To give back, to be part of something bigger than herself. If playing with toys and having conversations with imaginary friends was a portion of that, then she would gladly play the role.

Everything felt even better knowing she was free. Well, technically speaking. Three days of semi-freedom, at least free from Ashlyn. The keeper was out on a a game in Seattle to play a game against the Thorns; although, Ali had a strong suspicion the keeper left earlier than intended just to get away from her for a while. Especially after the blonde’s temper tantrum with Emily. Fine with her, Ali thought with a dismissive shrug. The only problem being her uncertainty on how to actually approach children. Sitting in the middle of one of the waiting areas she pulled out her phone and Emily's card just staring at them both as the internal debate began. After two failed attempts at calling, she finally allowed the phone to call past two rings. Nervously her leg bounced as she tried to convince herself to hang up.

"Hello." Emily answered.

"Um Hey! It's Ali." She hoped her ears were the only ones to hear the quiver in her voice.

"Hey! How are ya?"

"Fine. I um have a problem, I uh...there are some kid’s I just don’t know how to really approach. I was wondering if you would maybe just explain to me some of the important key-terms and such or you could just tell me over the phone."

"Ah yes, I heard you we’re one of our knew volunteers. I tell ya what, I've got a minor surgery to do should only take 2 hours tops and I can shoot by after. Do you mind waiting until then?"

"No, that's fine. Thank you!" "No problem, thank you for helping out. I’m sure the children’s love having a soccer star in the building." "Oh, thank you. Hey, about the other day with Ashlyn."

"Don't worry about it Ali." The doctor reassured her before offering a quick good-bye and hanging up. Gathering her courage, she walked back into the play room feeling the hard beat of indecision pulse through her about asking Emily for help.

It had been a quiet hour and a half, the later minutes of the two hours picking up. Chilren rolled in excieted to play. Ali had sat coloring with a shy six year old girl when Emily walked in."Hey Ali, hello Ella" The blonde called out as she walked towards the small coloring table. "Need some help?"

"Yes actually. We’re trying to make our own princess. I think Ella’s princess might beat ours" She warned playfully, receiving a gleam of pride from the girl as she passed over some crayons and plain paper to Emily.

"Thank you for coming over and helping me” Ali whispered mindlessly filling the paper with colors.

"It's no big deal." The blonde whispered back, smiling. “I know it can be overwhelming at first. The nurses do a good job at training you, but it can be shocking to see. But if it means you staying, I’ll help. It’s good for the kids, to see inspiring people here” The doctor shrugged as she grabbed a purple crayon. God, what must she be thinking? The fiancé of a Ashlyn Harris, an ex-soccer star begging to volunteer to get out of her house.

"Thank you for letting me know about this. It’s good to have a volunteering opportunity” She mumbled trying to fill the silence.

"Secret volunteer opportunity." The blonde corrected with a wayward smirk before putting the crayon down. "It’s still great to have you here Ali”  

"Thank you." The doctor looked around the room, pointing out the various kids and what certain wires attached to their tiny bodies signified. After a while of discussing medical terms without really pointing at individual patients, for confidentiality purposes, they moved on to the lego station.  

"I'm sorry again about Ashlyn."

"Yeah, she's intense." Emily looked at her with a piercing curiosity almost begging her to explain but she just nodded.

"I know. It's complicated. _She's_ complicated." Ali replied.

"I won't ask about you two. I'm sure you have your reasons for calling me and keeping this ‘job’ a secret. I'll keep your secret." Ali exhaled a sigh of relief. With the elephant of the room addressed, their conversation felt much easier to deal with.

"Thank you so much. I know I must seem crazy."

"You seem in need of a friend. That's all." Emily answered before turning to talk to one of the children who happened to be a patient of hers. After introducing him to Ali, the comradery in the room seemed to flow. It appeared Dr. Emily Kinsey was the right person to gain the easy trust of the children.  

"Thank you so much!" Emily gave a sheepish shrug like it was child's play (no pun intended) before offering to grab a bite to eat.

"So how did you get into soccer?" the doctor asked as they walked down the white hallway, the quiet environment only being disrupted by shuffling nurses.

"Well, my mother was actually one of the coaches for my brother’s community soccer team. She had this large bag of soccer equipment, and one day I had to go to one of the practices because my babysitter was sick. I had my Polly pockets all on the grass, I was meant to be playing with them—grandmother’s gender rules and everything. I think I was 6 if I remember correctly. Anyway, I grew bored. I started to to focus on the boy’s playing and my mother’s coaching. It seemed so easy to me. I reached into the bag, took out one of the balls and ran into the field. I got in trouble, but every since that day I couldn’t put down the ball. It was a way to spend time with my mother and be part of the ‘boys’ in a sense.”

"I think even I would have played with your Polly Pockets." Emily joked inspiring a playful scoff from her.

"Well, my grandmother frowned upon it but my mother stayed strong. She played basketball in college, she knew women sport’s was a hard road to go down through. Yet, she never gave up. I was passionate about it, and she was there pushing me on. Even got me a Mia Hamm jersey”

"Is it a famous player?" the doctor asked with no recognition and the sports snob in her almost recoiled with her mouth agape, instead just murmuring an agreeing yep. It was in that moment she realized how different this conversation would be with Ashlyn and she sensed a yearning flood through her for that conversation, for the blonde’s company.

"She was, is one of the legend’s of women soccer.” Ali explained as they grabbed some sandwiches and headed for a table. She stared at the edible, trying to find the words to describe that feeling. "Being 7, it's hard to be amazed. I believed everything existed. I think children are more often than not validated than amazed. As I’ve now further learned from volunteering here. We feel our beliefs in magic constantly validated and that's what that soccer felt like to me, magic. The 1991 Olympics, tt was intense, it was vicious, but in a way it was so feminine in my eyes. The comradery, the idea of girls joining to have one goal. Working to be the best. It was like poetry to me. The game to my eyes was hypnotic and I remember just begging my mother to let me play as much as possible. I still have the jersey framed somewhere, inspiring me every game I played. I wanted to make that magic, I told my mother repeatedly."

"I wish I felt that way about being a doctor” Emily replied as she took a bite of her sandwhich.

"My father, still practicing, is a neurologist. I would grow up just listening him come home and talk about medicine, telling me how I would be a great doctor one day. Somehow, science became easy to me, not my favorite but easy. I guess it was in my blood. I didn’t choose medicine, it somehow choose me. Now, I couldn't imagine doing anything else." Emily shrugged with an indifference that saddened Ali.

"I love it, don't get me wrong. I love saving lives and seeing the children’s faces, but I've never felt it to be magical until very late. You found that passion early. I guess I understand why you’re here volunteering. You want to keep being part of something bigger, of a goal. I mean I'd sell a kidney to have experienced that early." They both laughed as they continued to eat until they finished. Emily stood tall next to her although not as tall as Ashlyn; she still held a confidence about her though. Her eyes were different. Intelligence shone from his, a genuine air of modesty that was so different from Ashlyn’s. Ashlyn's eyes bore all the intensity that her life held, a wisdom that was inexplicable. From her past to her present, they were filled with a quick witted and worldly intelligence, confident and controlling gaze, and most of all distrust for many. It was her job to distrust, to have to pull through at the end with big saves. She knew just from one look, and Ali shielded herself and not because she was afraid of the keeper but because she knew Ashlyn would find something deceiving about her. About her past. Ali shook her head ridding her thoughts of the keeper. This was her space. Totally and completely hers.

Emily left to make rounds with no expectations of her. The doctor demanded nothing but a smile from her as she walked to the correct wing. Ali watched her leave, waving and already feeling nostalgic for the blonde doctor’s company. It was the first time in months, she'd left company feeling better than she did going in. The conversation progressed easily, the silences failed to reach that awkwardness when its weight mixed with tension, and she realized what most people must feel after hanging out with a best friend or someone they loved. This, she

thought as she looked at their earlier drawings that hung on the wall of the playroom and remembered the numerous times their laughter echoed through the small space, this is what it _should_ be like. Ashlyn began her routine sneaking descent into Ali’s mind but trying not to lose her triumph; she turned quickly and walked back into _her_ workspace.

Two days of finally being alone and getting to help a few children smile was an insane feeling of victory. The depression she kept claiming she never had started to lessen. She couldn't say it completely vanished but it eased to something easier to bear. After reciting her story about soccer, her desire to play returned with a vengeance. She'd been practicing on the beach for hours just getting her muscles used to the ball again. The dance-like movements poured out of her with vivacious release. It had felt therapeutic. Soccer was not just a hobby for her, it was her life.

While therapeutic in a sense but more enraged were her feelings and not even with Ashlyn but more at herself. Staring at the the makeshift goal she created, her heart burned with rejuvenating anger. With her anger accompanied an even more invigorating layer of healing. And she wasn't naïve or impatient enough to believe it was permanent nor was she suddenly completely cured of her issues but it was a start. A small and inspiring start.

The next day, she casually prepared herself for an event with Ashlyn. Not even home for ten minutes and the blonde had already called her, demanded Ali’s presence at a charity dinner that evening, and also told her she was having a dress sent over. She hung up with a shiver. Feeling her skin bubble with a chill and goosebumps rise in response, she knew she should check her closet for a dress just in case. Ali stood and padded down the hallway feeling her footsteps echo loudly in her ears while her heart began to race. It still felt weird to know a large part of her life was in her closet. Standing outside the closed door, Ali stared at her feet willing them to move. She sent her brain orders sometimes laced with expletives hoping her feet would just move. Her heart pounded roughly in her chest as her lungs inflated with similar harsh movement.

She heard the sound of her doorbell pierce her panic and she bolted from her parents' bedroom hellishly relieved for the escape. She just wasn't ready yet.

Wiping her eyes with clumsy effort, she opened the door to see a delivery boy holding a garment bag with unfamiliar hands. He lifted it higher as if afraid she might be offended some of the bottom grazed her front stairs.

"Ma'am." The young boy spoke habitually as he moved the dress towards her. "From Ms. Harris."

"Thank you." She muttered flippantly as she took the garment bag from him.

"Actually Ma'am, one more thing, Ms. Harris will be escorting you tonight. She'll be here at six and asks for you to be ready _on_ time." The delivery boy carefully read the orders in his hands. She rolled her eyes but nodded at the young boy who hesitantly allowed the corner of his lips to turn up into a smirk.

"Thank you again!" She spoke again and with more humility than before giving him a quick hand shake before taking the dress back in. She refused to open it until she was in her bedroom. Taking one deep breath, she reminded herself to brace herself for some stringy Herve Leger dress Ashlyn never expected Ali to bandage herself in. Pulling down the zipper, she stepped back stunned. Pulling the label free, she stared at it confused and emulated one of Ashlyn's cynical gazes. Ellie Saab, the tag read as she then studied the dress and all its exquisite intricate details. With a sweetheart neckline, the light blue dress mimicked a 1950's feel as it fulled out around the waist into an asymmetrical skirt. The light blue fabric adorned with swirls of off-white beading intricately placed throughout the dress was reminiscent of some renaissance patterns. At the bottom of the garment bag lay a neatly tied silver gift bag and Dior gray stilettos. She picked up the bag and opened it to find Crystal Tear Drop earrings. Three different shaped and sized diamonds connected by mini clasps. She fell back on her bed racking her brain for meaning. She just couldn't trust it didn't mean anything and she couldn't trust it meant anything romantic. Cautiously she finished getting ready and began to put everything on. The dress fit perfectly as did the shoes. Within her confusion came the most absurd vision of an elf sneaking into her bedroom at night and measuring her until she remembered she'd been measured several times for their photo shoots.

Ali paced her living room downstairs, thankful Heather wasn’t present to make fun of her nerves. During the past couple years, HAO’s visits withered to barely once every couple of months. Ali hated she felt so bound to them and knew HAO felt obligated to stay and help with not only Ali but her mother as well. So her absence now, regardless of how much Ali missed her, was a good thing. Her stilettos provided a soundtrack for her hurried thoughts as her heels met her hardwood floor with a sharp snapping sound. Finally, she heard the doorbell and she paused, took one last deep breath, and then made her way towards the door.

"Ready?" Ashlyn asked distractedly as she typed away on her phone. Ali stepped out and pulled the lapels of her coat tighter as the surprising Orlando wind brushed her exposed skin. Ashlyn didn't bother to look so Ali followed her to the car only to stop midway and grab the keeper’s forearm.

"What the hell?"

"What does this mean?" She asked seeing Ashlyn finally acknowledge her presence. Her hazel eyes ran down Ali’s body pausing with every clench of her jaw. Ashlyn face seemed to harden before she worked her expression back to indifference.

"What are you referring to Ali?" she asked impatiently as Ali buttoned her coat back up.

"This dress, the shoes, and the jewelry." She snapped back growing even more irritated with the chill crawling across her face. Ashlyn shrugged.

 

"This is a last minute event; I figured you might need a dress to wear. I had no other ulterior motive. I truly do not give much thought to styling you, I hired someone to buy you the dress and shoe’s. I gave an order that's it. Do you really want to go to war over a dress?" She studied the blonde. She stood her usual confident pose, crossing her arms waiting for Ali’s response.

"My pride is never reason enough to go to war." She finally answered and walking away from the keeper before turning around. "Maybe one of these days you'll realize your pride isn't either." Ashlyn narrowed her eyes at the brunette but Ali turned before she could truly get her hate for her across with a pointed stare.

The car ride felt just as frigid as the weather outside. Much of their silence carried the same weight as the heavy bitter wind beating against their vehicle. Ashlyn kept her attention glued to her phone while Ali watched the passing landscape with a growing irritation. Ali’s phone went off and she dug through her clutch to find it.

**Emily: Today I had a patient reading one of those national inquire magazines, the front page seemed very interesting "Ali Krieger & Ashlyn Harris, part of the illuminati?” Who even comes up with these things? You’re not actually part of it are you? **

Ali burst into a fit of laughter. Ashlyn eyed her suspiciously as she began to text back on her phone.

**Ali: Lol. No, but I might have to fire our publicist.**

**Emily: Done. I’ve got her in the back of a van rolled in dirty scrubs. That's what you meant right?**

**Ali: Murderer tip #1: Do not text your crime to anyone. Specially when your job is to save people. Not kill them.**

**Emily: I had no idea you were so informed on killing wise one.**

Ali put her phone away when she felt Ashlyn watching her.

"Who are you smiling at?" the blonde asked as she put her own phone away.

"A friend." She answered with an authority she hadn't used before.

"What kind of friend?"

"What kind of friends do you have?" She quipped back staring her down hoping that the keeper’s hypocrisy could be discussed again.

"The beneficial kind." She shot back almost lustily as she smiled. It forced Ali to remember the blonde pleasuring herself and her cheeks blushed before she looked away. The silence was heavy with something else, something warmer than the chill of their detachment from each other.

"I didn't mean to sneak in on you." She heard herself utter with a voice that sounded miles away from her own ears.

"How much did you see?" Ashlyn asked finally making her bear the entire weight of her mortification which was crazy. She wasn't the one caught masturbating between either of them but of course Ms. Confidence also had no shame. With even more embarrassment, she actually could see why. There was nothing embarrassing about her scene; it was pure sensuous display at its finest. Her cheeks must have looked like she'd been outside for a couple hours because out of the corner of her eye, Ashlyn just nodded.

"I see."

"I'm sorry." She turned and blurted only to feel Ashlyn’s weight suddenly pressed against hers crushing her against the door. Her hazel eyes narrowed and through them Ali didn't see confidence. She saw a certain vulnerability that switched quickly to anger.

"Tell me..." Ashlyn whispered against her neck, her breath a similar heat against Ali’s skin as the sun's rays on a cloudless day. And damn her body for responding. Damn her chest for showing the blonde visibly her arousal at the touch of her fingers at her calves. Damn her breathing for faltering as Ashlyn looked at her again. Damn it all and damn her...again.

"Did you touch yourself that night?" Ashlyn asked, her lips caressing the lobe of Ali’s ear with faint touches. Ali closed her eyes trying to gain her composure but the keeper’s fingers moved farther up her leg. "Did you imagine me fucking you with my fingers and tongue?" Ali’s brows knit as she struggled with the unwanted heat beginning to stir at her hips. Ashlyn’s words so raw and uninhibited did something to her she never thought they would. And she realized the blonde was completely and undeniably in her element.

"Get off me." She whispered only to have Ashlyn slowly pull away from her.

"I will always be in control of us, of you. It's what you signed up for." Ashlyn hissed at Ali, stroking her cheek with condescending complement. Ali's breathe still coming in short pants stopped as she saw the hotel come into view. Relief for the oncoming escape came at the perfect time. She couldn't stand to be next to Ashlyn and even with the keeper’s demon of control, Ashlyn sat restlessly. She was just as affected as Ali and she wondered if the keeper had just tested her. The only question Ali couldn't answer was if she won or not and she had a strong suspicion Ashlyn had no idea either.

The charity dinner fell into the routine with the many others they had attended together; although, there was a palpable tension between them both. Hope kept glaring at them from a different table but luckily she disappeared for a good hour. It wasn't until the night was over and they were heading to their waiting vehicle that they heard her voice again.

"Not so fast you two!" Hope ordered. Ali inhaled a frustrated breath that Ashlyn emulated with her hands running viciously through her blonde hair. The keeper had been short all night not just with Ali but everyone. They turned around to see Hope standing with a hand on her hip and her foot tapping impatiently

"I know, I know..." Ali began hoping to avoid an entire conversation chastising their behavior.

"I don't want to hear it. You two looked like you were ready to sign divorce papers and you're not even married yet. So, I am sending you both to my cabin in Colorado for three days."

"Excuse me?" She heard Ashlyn growl as she stepped towards Hope with a familiar predatory stance. "You don't dictate my schedule. I have practice and games to play"

"It's done. Besides, you don’t have a game for two weeks." "Don't fucking test me Hope."

"I'm not. I'm slapping some sense into you. You are taking Ali to my cabin for a last trip before qualifiers so you two can get some time alone amidst the chaos of the world cup. At least that is the statement I have provided the press. So, you are going. You both will survive. The game will be fine. The private jet is waiting and everything has been provided for you both. I'll also be asking for your cellphones."

Ali's rapid heartbeat was all she could hear in her ears as she watched this scene unfold. Being isolated in a cabin during winter...awesome. Being isolated in a cabin during winter _with_ Ashlyn...not so much. With resignation she shut off her phone and handed it over watching Ashlyn curse and pace the concrete. Ali left them both, pulling herself into their SUV and waited. She could hear Ashlyn arguing outside with Hope and five minutes later she finally got back in the car, slamming the door shut.

"You were no help out there." Ashlyn roared at Ali as her fingers drummed against her pants already aware of the missing cellphone.

"You're in control." Ali replied simply. It was a thirty minute drive to the tarmac where Hope’s company plane awaited them. She got out, ascended the stairs and found the bag with a change of clothes in them. Pulling on some leggings and an oversized sweater, she almost contemplated staying in the bathroom which was almost the same size as their guest bathroom at home. She could take a bath the entire flight but decided she'd much rather face Ashlyn than hide. Her purse lay on the table along with an already opened bottle of champagne. She poured a glass and grabbed her book watching Ashlyn emerge from the bedroom in jeans and t-shirt. She sat and curled up under a blanket and started to read. Vaguely aware of Ashlyn pacing again, ALi lowered her book and stared at the blonde.

"Is everything okay?" Ashlyn looked at her with the same conflicted expression she wore the night she stayed with Ali. Ashlyn’s inner struggle continued but eventually she lowered herself next to her. Ali sat straighter and closed her book watching as Ashlyn ran her hands over her jeans and then eventually through her hair.

"I'm sorry." The blonde growled before growing even more irritated with herself. "I'm sorry." She tried again in a gentler tone.

"For what?" Ali asked warmly. It wasn't a question with malicious intent but genuine curiosity because God knows Ashlyn had a couple things to apologize for.

"For the limo earlier. I don't know what." The blonde stopped again and then settled back against the couch rubbing at her face now. Her defined jaw clenched and unclenched as Ali waited for her to finish. Finally turning to her again Ali was shocked to see a much warmer expression than she'd ever seen Ashlyn wear.

"Right now I have a woman claiming sexual harassment. She's threatening to take legal action and taking it to the media if I don't pay her 2 million dollars." Ali listened intently.

"I didn't do it." Ashlyn added hastily. "She’s always been like this. When we dated, she” the blonde paused “She was the one that outed me. She didn’t tell me, but she had made a deal with a magazine for that story. She got so much money for it. Now she’s claiming that I harassed her during our relationship but, we didn’t even have sex. I wasn’t comfortable with myself yet. She was the first woman I had dated" Ashlyn spoke honestly. Ali had seen the blonde’s tell-tale signs of lying at the many events and the many interviews they had given. Her hand moved to the blonde’s hand, twining her fingers to connect them.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Ashlyn shook her head and then abruptly stood up. Ali found some comfort that she didn't snatch her hand away but instead gently placed Ali’s hand back in her lap before she moved back towards the bedroom.

"I'm trying." Ashlyn spoke over her shoulder. "I'm really trying with you."

Ali nodded to acknowledge she'd heard her before watching the keeper disappear into the bedroom. Three days of Ashlyn trying, Ali said to herself failing to settle the anxiety, after all the blonde’s track record with "trying" wasn't the greatest. However, what choice did she have now?


	7. The Warzone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I listened to Stay Ready (What a Life) by Jhene Aiko ft. Kendrick Lamar when working on this chapter. It seems to describe these two very well.

"Ali." She heard a familiar voice penetrate the haze of her dreams which currently involved her feet kicking a soccer ball against a net, always being stopped by a hazy figure with hazel eyes. Hazel eyes. She admits her kicks were strong, but the hazel eye’s saves, Ashlyn’s saves, she was sure, were even more impressive.

"Ali!" Her eyes flung open as she searched Ashlyn’s face and then studied the new room she lay in.

"We're here." The blonde spoke tolerably as she left the bedroom. Bedroom? Ali’s hands frantically searched the space around her. Still covered in the blanket from the main cabin, she sat up slowly feeling a hangover of exhaustion. Ashlyn had brought her into the bedroom after she'd fallen asleep. Ali didn't know quite how to feel about that nor did she have the energy to process it all in its contradictory information. Falling back onto the bed, she rubbed at her eyes and stretched languidly before finally rising. The space next to her was smooth as the professional hands that most likely made the bed in the first place. She didn't believe Ashlyn would sleep next to her but the thought did send a jolt of energy through her to escape the space. She gathered her things before descending the stairs in the private hangar they were parked in. Ashlyn pulled up in a black Range Rover while the staff from the plane loaded their bags into the back. Hesitantly she waited until Ashlyn climbed back into the driver's seat after thanking the staff. Ali did the same and climbed into the passenger's seat hoping their drive to Hope’s cabin was just around the cabin. No. Such. Luck.

Two and a half hour drive the robotic voice of the blonde’s GPS told them and they were just outside of Denver heading west into what looked like nothing on the map. It was also two in the morning which she hated for Ashlyn to drive the entire way especially considering she hadn't slept at all.

"I can drive if you want since I slept."

"No." Ashlyn shot back quickly as they pulled out of the airport and onto a pitch black road with the only surrounding lights of those illuminating the runway. God and she didn't even have her phone to play candy crush. Settling deeper into her seat, Ali curled her legs up and watched the passing landscape. The lights of Denver were distant but noticeable as they turned onto I-70. She then analyzed Ashlyn between the fringes of her hair. The blonde sat rigidly yet dominating the entire space of the car with her obvious discomfort with the brunette. In a fleece pullover, Ali had never before seen the keeper so casual besides her after practice attire. It looked good on her, Ali pondered, it made the keeper look younger than her thirty yes. She had a girlish appearance with her blonde locks up in a ponytail, soft contour on her cheeks. The difference of her demeanor towards Ali when she wasn't in a tailored suit or fashionable threads was crazy. She went from domineering to rugged in a matter of a change of clothes and landscape.

Thirty minutes. She'd endured the silence for thirty minutes before striking up a conversation which was probably her personal best.

"Have you ever visited Hope’s cabin before?" Ashlyn kept her eyes focused on the road but at least offered a quick glance from the corners of her hazel eyes to let Ali know she did in fact say that out loud and not just in her head.

"I have, I come up here when I need to get away. I probably use it more than Hope. I helped her select it actually. She bought it around 2012."

"Wasn’t that around the time of your shoulder surgery?” She asked recalling details from the articles she read to learn more about the keeper. Ashlyn swiveled her head to face Ali, her brows furrowing at the brunette’s question.

"How do you even recall that?”

"I read it in an article. I had to learn about you somehow. Also, I like to think I have a photographic memory" She shrugged jokingly, stretching her legs as far as she could before pulling them back onto the seat. Ashlyn watched curiously.

"Why didn't you just ask me?" Ali couldn't help the laugh that inadvertently bubbled out of her. She dipped her chin and raised her eyebrows.

"Really?" Ashlyn lips curved to show a small smile before she turned her attention back to the road. God forbid, the blonde allows Ali to witness a genuine smile.

"Well is there anything you want to know?" Ashlyn hesitance to offer was noticeable with the tightening of her hands on the steering wheel. Ali smiled at their progress, not much but it was something.

"Hmm." She echoed playfully narrowing her eyes at the keeper. Hoping to lighten the mood, she decided against personal questions. Maybe by the end of the three days, she'd feel comfortable to ask but not now.

"Favorite Artist."

"I have too many." She replied quickly but the relief was audible in his voice. "But, I do tend to favor more of the classics” the blonde’s lips pulled into a teasing smirk “Bone Thugs. "

"Makes sense. Your playlist at home is filled with rap. No other genres?”

"I like certain types of music. But if the lyrics are good, if it get’s me in the zone before the game it doesn’t matter. Good music is good music regardless of genre. I can dabble in some T-Swift from time to time"

"Even bust out some choreography?” Ali teased receiving a small chuckle and shrug from the driver. “Maybe. I have some moves.”

 

After a beat of silence, Ali looked back at the keeper. Her teeth nibbling her bottom lip. “How did you come about playing soccer?” Ali’s whole life was around soccer from a young age and she had full confidence Ashlyn could match her in a game regardless of her position.  

"My childhood house was not the most stable of places. I never wanted to spend time inside, to much screaming and negativity. I would follow Chris around. He played baseball, I played too. Basketball, I was shooting hoops. Soccer, well pass me the ball. It was a getaway. Being in the field, being in front of the goal, it gave me control. I could work at something, I could work to be the best and still keep learning. In soccer, in a goalkeeper position the learning curve is endless. You’re always challenged by great players. That feeling of saving a ball of helping your team win, of the crowd cheering—it’s irreplaceable.” Ali smiled completely captivated by Ashlyn’s reverence and understanding. They talked about their favorite games, players, plays. Ashlyn even played a some Bone Thugs lacking the performance but non the less Ali found the songs absolutely appropriate for her. She could see the carefree side, even if it was hidden from her. The car ride, she thought, wasn't so horrible after all.

Finally, the GPS led them to their last turn onto a small paved road and large hand carved wooden gates. Ashlyn entered the code Hope had sent them and descended the drive. Woods surrounded them with much left to the imagination as Ali could only see hints of their branches and silhouettes. Lights caught her attention as they finished driving the curvy driveway and settling before the most intricate and beautiful front entrance she'd ever seen. Two log trunks, the roots defined and planted on top of the paved brick, stood officiously framing the two large wooden doors with hypnotic attention.

"Ashlyn..." She heard herself utter, her feet quickly removing themselves from the car and her hands with the same eagerness tracing the trunks to their roots. "This is absolutely breathtaking."

Ali looked back at the blonde noticing her somewhat hidden appreciation for Ali’s compliment but the blonde ended up shrugging it off instead offering a shorthanded explanation that she liked how it bordered intimidating and welcoming. Smiling, Ali thought it sounded exactly like Ashlyn.

"Oh! You're here! I'm so excited." Ali heard a voice, warm with age, interrupt her admiring session. Standing up, she was greeted by an older woman most likely in her late fifties but with a face aged from weather and hard work. Her hands worn by obvious labor reached for Ali's cheeks.

"My dear, you are as beautiful as Ashlyn described." Blushing she looked back at the keeper to see her busying herself with the bags. Ali's breaths halted in her chest as the older woman pulled her to her chest in a bear hug. "It is so nice to meet you. I have half a mind to beat that young woman for keeping you from me."

"Well, I mean I wouldn't stop you." She replied with a shrug of one shoulder playfully. She truly wouldn't.

"I'm Eleanor but call me Ely. I take care of the home and land when this one or Hope play city girls."

Ali couldn't imagine Ashlyn toughing it out in the wilderness and their home certainly had luxury painted throughout. There were so many sides she had yet to learn about the blonde. Ashlyn tried to move past them quietly but Ely didn't miss a beat.

"Where do you think you're going? Where's my hug?" Ashlyn looked at Ali and then back to Ely. Reluctantly she dropped her bags like a child doing it more for dramatic effect but really relieved as they approached the warm arms of someone they loved. She had only acted this way once and that was with Ethel.

"Hi Ely." Ali heard her say quietly. "I'm going to take our bags upstairs. I'm tired."

Ely pushed Ashlyn away to a distance where she could study her face. "You look stressed." She commented narrowing her eyes at the tall blonde. "More stressed than usual. You should be happy. Look at that beautiful fiancé of yours!" Ali shifted nervously now contemplating an escape with the bags herself.

"Yes, I know." Ashlyn replied.

Ali immediately felt her mind begin to construct its armor. She sounded sincere and if she looked at the blonde instead of the tree trunks with raging red cheeks, she might see if she were telling the truth. Of course not, Ali snapped at herself internally.

"Oh, you still make her blush. Well c'mon you two. I bet you're both exhausted. I'll walk you up to your room." So grateful for the distraction, she never realized that they were being escorted to the same room until they stood inside the master suite together. The conversation to the bedroom was white noise to her. She admired the architecture, the beautiful natural wood throughout, and the white and beige décor. She was visually overwhelmed with beauty even in the master, she felt overstimulated for a moment. A large fireplace decorated with the largest column of stones she'd ever laid eyes on took up almost an entire wall. Floor to ceiling windows gave them an unobstructed view to outside. A king-sized bed sat across from the fireplace adorning the only other pieces of décor in the room. The white oversized comforter brightened up the dark gold of the room while the faux dark brown fur throw draped at the foot of the bed grounded the room. Ely was still talking. Ali joined the conversation mid argument between Ashlyn and Ely. Ely wanted Ashlyn and Ali to sleep while Ashlyn was no longer tired and preferred to stay up. It wasn't until she heard Ely talk about not needing sleep either and that she wanted to get everything ready for our stay that Ali uncovered the reason why Ashlyn suddenly had energy. They'd have to sleep together....in the same bed...together.

"I am not arguing with you. Get some sleep. I'll wake you both in a couple of hours." Ely stormed out but not before throwing Ali a smile and Ashlyn a glare of warning. Exhausted, Ali decided not to give the blonde time to bitch about it or make some backhanded comment. Instead, she took her bag in the bathroom, changed into her silk shorts and camisole pajama set they packed for her, brushed her teeth, and walked back out right under the covers. She reached for the lamp beside her and shut it off, turning on her side and feigning sleep. For a minute, she only heard the sound of Ashlyn’s shallow breathing before she finally moved into the bathroom. The shower came on moments later and eventually lulled her into a restless sleep.

She wasn't quite sure how long her shower lasted when she finally felt the dip of the bed and Ashlyn’s heat radiating off her in waves even across the expanse of space the blonde kept between them. Through the haze of her sleep, Ali kept aware of Ashlyn next to her. Her rigid posture never changed, her breathing harsh and Ali knew by both these things she wasn't sleeping.

"Ashlyn..." She muttered sleepily and frustrated. "Go to sleep."

"I would if I could." She snapped at Ali. "Some of us actually have things to worry about." She added defensively and Ali sat up clumsily, irritated that once again Ashlyn couldn't refuse the urge to always attack her. She blew at the fringe of her hair to see the blonde better as one of her straps slid down as she sat up more. The blonde’s eyes moved to her chest and Ali’s own brown pools followed noticing the exposed upper swell of her breast.

"Jesus, you're just making it worse." Ashlyn growled at her as Ali hurried to fix herself. Sleep evaded her quickly then as Ashlyn moved to sit at the side of the bed. Her back muscles rippled hypnotically through her sports bra as she brushed at her thighs with frustration.

"Ashlyn, I am not out to get you." She spoke softly moving towards the blonde and settling herself next to her. Ashlyn refused to meet her gaze and she sighed feeling resigned as usual. "I'm not here to hurt you."

"That's the problem. That I can’t actually battle against." She breathed harshly and Ali grabbed her larger hand.

"Not everything is a war."

"It feels that way with you. Every damn day that's what it feels like."

"Then pick a side." 

"Both sides have risks."

"War involves risks Ashlyn but truly your enemy isn't me." The "it's you" hung unspoken between them. "I'm not tired anymore. Go ahead and sleep." She stood only to feel the keeper’s fingers wrap around her wrist.

"Stay." She heard the soft whispered demand emitted from the blonde. It wasn't a question nor did it sound regretful. Every time the blonde did things like that, Ali could feel herself falling deeper. There was nothing to hold onto, no sight at the bottom to break her fall, just the faith that where ever Ashlyn took her, Ali would survive. She crawled back to her spot in the bed only to have the blonde turn her back on the Ali. Ali shook her head still reminding herself that it was one step in a better direction than they had. She watched the minute movements of the larger woman’s body as she fell asleep and Ali’s eyes soon became too heavy for her own will.

Ali roused slowly out of sleep. She looked at Ashlyn and stopped mid-stretch. Her hair was plastered to her place face with sweat covering the lines formed by her grimace. Ashlyn’s body was rigid and her fists were clenched so tightly that white soon replaced any signs of lively pink.

"Ashlyn." She spoke concerned moving to the keeper’s side of the bed and sitting down speaking her name again. She didn't respond. Her breaths grew harsher, the sound similar to that of air spitting through gritted teeth. Ali grabbed Ashlyn’s fist gently hoping to rouse her slowly. The brunette’s head pulsed with the racing of her heart. It was fear raging through her, half for herself and half for the blonde. She knew Ashlyn’s fear of appearing vulnerable. It terrified her to think of what Ashlyn might think of her if she woke up now but it also went against every bone in her body to leave the blonde like that. Her mother had nightmares. They progressively grew worse especially after they placed her on Hospice. Ali reverted to the same soothing actions she performed with her. Stroking the blonde’s forehead Ali made calming soothing sounds. She once read that the action bore the same effect as a mother comforting a child. Ali grabbed a Kleenex from the end table and wiped the sweat from the keeper’s face. Her features when not guarded were so much more beautiful which seemed impossible until now. The knitting of her brows relaxed slowly. Pink returned to her hands as her fingers finally unwound themselves from fists. One last stroke to her cheek and Ali softly padded over to her bag and found some workout clothes and a bikini. She left the room completely conflicted.

Running had always been a release for her. She feeling of passing scenes would always clear her head, off and on the field. The accomplishment after a long run though tiring was always rewarding.  Ashlyn felt similar to those. Her feelings for the blonde were always a constant push and pull effect and Ashlyn did it unknowingly most of the time. The blonde didn't overtly work for her attention nor did she think Ashlyn cared half the time. That bothered her sometimes like right now after she wasn't quite sure where her feelings fell on the broad spectrum between dislike and well something a little more than that. Ali ran faster on the treadmill, pushing harder than the truth pounding at the walls she built. God, she couldn't imagine what Ashlyn’s nightmares might entail. Okay, so maybe she did care, a little bit. Of course she did. God forbid she care for a simple woman, one who had no fear to feel, to show emotions like Emily but even Ali knew the differences. Ashlyn felt magnetic while Emily felt comfortable and safe. Magnetic never went away and safety was as temporary as comfort.

"Hey." Ashlyn’s voice broke through the pounding beats of her headphones as she pulled one out.

"Hey. How did you sleep?" Ali asked as she steadied herself on the sides of the treadmill. Ashlyn actually looked rested for once. She was dressed in camouflage pants and a long sleeved black shirt.

"Good for once." Ashlyn replied hesitantly like Ali would somehow use that information against her. Rolling her eyes with the safety of the wall being her only witness, Ali drank some of her water before starting the treadmill again.

"I'm going for a short hike outside. Ely is out too."

"Okay." She replied throwing Ashlyn a small smile over her shoulder as the belt began to move beneath her feet. Ashlyn watched her for a moment before turning around and walking out. Ali ran until she had somewhat processed her thoughts. Most of the time it was justification after justification with disguised statements. Ali was very good at lying to herself. She ran for an hour before stripping out of her workout clothes and into her bikini. The pool was heated but cool enough to offer her some relief. It was completely encompassed by a room with exposed beams that she could stare at for hours. The sauna tempted her across the way while the theatre room she knew was close by also. She floated on her back enjoying the numbing silence of her ears being underwater. Closing her eyes, she rid her head of the distractions and she came up with three realizations.

She cared for Ashlyn. She wasn't sure why.

Then the third truth emerged. It was Ethel. It was their dinner and the night that Ashlyn's past came into their discussion.

"The things she allowed to happen to Ashlyn at school, it makes me physically ill." Ethel's voice ran through her head more in her own now than the voice of her subconscious. That would forever define how she viewed the keeper. It made Ali justify a lot of her behavior. It probably always would and that scared her. At what point would she stop allowing Ashlyn’s past more power over Ali’ future?

Ali climbed out of the pool; already feeling the ache in her thighs from running. She called for Ashlyn but there was no answer. Wrapped in a towel, she searched the woods from the living room windows. She was envious of her hike. There was nothing like being completely surrounded by nature and exploring all it had to offer. While she had always been considered a princess around her friends, she did in fact hiked a lot at home. It was where she helped build a lot of her endurance for the game. She showered and climbed back into their bed with a book. Ashlyn’s scent lingered everywhere and it completely engulfed her as she slept comfortably.

Waking up, the sky's blue color had turned to a gray hinting at the possibility of rain or snow. She wasn't quite sure of the forecast. Glancing at the time, Ali stretched reveling in the aftermath of her 3-hour nap. She pulled on a sweater and walked downstairs unnerved by both the silence and the lack of lights. The fire was reduced to glowing coals from neglect. She added more wood and called both Ashly’s and Ely's names. The silence grew heavy as she found some boots and made her way outside. The patio was almost the same size as the house. The landscape however still managed to make it seem tiny.

Wind bit at her cheeks with horrendous chill. Her heart began to race. Ashlyn left for his hike six hours ago. All kinds of scenarios ran through her head. She imagined the blonde unconscious with a broken leg after falling from some rocky cliff. Maybe a bear found her and that image was even more gruesome. It hit Ali like a bus forcing her to run. There were so much woods and though some of the branches were bare, the Pines made up for their exposure. She couldn't see much past the tree line which surrounded the entire home. The wind howled in her ears and when it quieted for seconds, the sticks breaking beneath her feet then filled that eerie silence.

"Ashlyn!" she screamed, her voice breaking with her panic. Her chest burned with the cold and her racing breaths. The wind seemed to cover most of her screams. She saw the guest house and ran towards it hoping at the very least Ely was there if not Ashlyn. The door was locked and the only light on came from the back porch.

"Ely!" She yelled as she banged on the door. There was no answer. Ali's fingers were going numb. She hadn't remembered to throw on a jacket. Her cheeks began to burn as she raced down to the pond. It had the best view, a 360 view of what surrounded her. Ali's legs trembled and her teeth chattered as she scanned the land for movement. God, she could not lose someone else, she kept repeating. Her tears felt too warm on her cheeks.

"Ashlyn!" She screamed one last time. She'd never felt this kind of fear before. In fact, it ventured to terror as she made her way back towards the house. Fear was one thing that was not knowing where Ashlyn was. Terror was knowing that she was completely helpless with 400 acres of land surrounding her and the closest town over an hour away. Unable to handle the cold anymore, she ran back towards the house. She didn't stop until she was in Hope’s and cradling the phone. Her hands made a rattling noise as she held it. She didn't even know the address of the home if she was to call 911 but they could trace a landline right?

Then she heard a door shut and she nearly fell from the office chair as she bolted from it. Ashlyn strolled in nonchalantly, her cheeks red from being outside and her hair scruffy from her hat. Ashlyn looked at Ali and then her expression changed to concern.

"What's wrong?" It was a funny thing how quickly fear turned to anger.

"Are you serious?! I have been worried sick about you. Didn't you hear me calling?" She screamed, her voice shrilly and bordering panic again. Ashlyn held up her iPod wrapped with headphones.

"You can't do that Ashlyn! You were gone for six almost seven hours! I was so scared something happened to you! You could have been hurt, your career, your future, your g-d damn life could have ended"

"I didn't think you'd care." Ashlyn answered with so much honesty Ali wanted to throw up and beat the blonde with something at the same time. Instead, she turned and walked upstairs, shut the bedroom door behind her and slid down against the door.

"Ali." She heard Ashlyn’s voice say in an unusually soft tone. While the blonde’s voice had always had a tenderness to it, there was something almost soothing to the tone she just heard. She closed her eyes and refused to answer.

"Open the door." Ashlyn asked again gently. "I'm sorry."

Ali lips trembled as she fought the tears but lost. Slowly she stood and opened the door.

"You're okay?" She asked searching the keeper’s body for the injuries her imagination plagued her with just moments ago to find her completely intact. Ashlyn gathered Ali into her arms pressing the brunette’s face to her chest.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry." Ashlyn said again as Ali sobbed into the fabric of the keeper’s fleece pullover. Ashlyn tightened her grip and Ali cried harder. All of the past hour rushed from her like raging river of tears. It wasn't graceful of her nor did she think she could truly control herself in that moment. She was just so overwhelmed with relief. She wasn't losing another person; she kept reminding herself until her sobs turned into broken soft cries. Ashlyn moved them both to the bed as she pulled Ali’s legs up to cradle the brunette in her lap.

"I didn't mean to be gone so long, I just lost track of time. I didn't mean to worry you. I honestly didn't think you'd care."

"Of course I care you big blonde idiot!" Ali yelled as she hit the keeper’s biceps.

"Good because I've realized I care about you."

Some hike Ashlyn had, Ali thought to herself.

"You picked a side." Ali commented unsure as to exactly how to feel about what Ashlyn said.

"I'm moving towards it."

"I have really cool, really big guns on my side." Ashlyn raised her eyebrows in an almost childish way, showing every ounce of amusement her hazel eyes could hold.

"My feet are moving faster."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I took a while to upload. I got home and received the news I got invited to do an interview for my dream internship in DC and once phase one was finished they invited me to phase two and three of the interview process. It was probably the 4 most intense interviews of my short career life but I'm staying optimistic about it. I find out tomorrow (Yikes!). 
> 
> This was has been one of my favorite chapters to write, what did you guys like about this one? Also I have some idea of where I want to end it (It's looking like 14 chapters total, but when we get near the end I might ask if you guys want me to continue). 
> 
> Also, as my Christmas gift, and because I will be going on vacation I will try my best to upload two more chapters this week!! The question is, would you want them spread out for one a day or both on the same day?


	8. The Sick and Healthy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend not reading this near family or little ones... Merry Christmas guys (;

Ali began to prepare dinner while Ashlyn went to work out. She didn't understand why, specially after her hike, or how she had the strength but she was down there hopefully resolving the rest of her issues with physical exertion. Well Ali could only hope anyway. For a keeper her endurance was certainly high. Ali washed the whole chicken in her hands before painting it with olive oil and sprinkling it with salt and pepper. Cutting onions and lemons, she stuffed them in the chicken before surrounding it in the roasting pan with red potatoes, carrots, and celery. Her mother had always claimed a roast chicken to be her favorite recipe. It took little time to prep and an hour and a half to roast. It also filled the home with the most amazing tantalizing scent.

Once she had it in the oven and everything washed and put away, she headed down to check on Ashlyn. Her body moved fluidly through the water with vicious purposeful strokes. She'd always heard of the blonde’s surfer side but never really saw it. Surfer’s were meant to be laid back, relaxed, sides Ali had yet to see in Ashlyn. However, the practiced movement and the way she conquered the pool with assured confidence confirmed to Ali, that indeed it was true.

Ali rolled the bottom of her leggings and sat at the edge of the pool watching the tides of Ashlyn movements ripple against her skin. Twenty-five laps she counted before the keeper noticed her and swam to meet her at the edge. Somehow her movements seemed overtly erotic. God, she had become such a pervert since that night.

"Dinner's cooking." She told the blonde as she removed her goggles. Ashlyn’s chest rose not as heavy as Ali thought it might with her workout.

"I guess the surfing side of you is real."

"It is. It's a quiet workout." Ashlyn shrugged. "It’s not surfing but swimming helps clear my mind just as much. I didn't do too well today though. I'm tired." She added as she pushed herself up on extended arms. Trails of water ran down the swim top and down her stomach. The ridges of her abs catching the streams of water in what seemed like aquatic artwork.

"Do you swim?" Ashlyn asked pulling a towel to her and drying her hair. Ali laughed.

"Only if I'm being chased by a shark maybe." Now Ashlyn replied with a small chuckle. "It's not my first choice for a workout. I struggled with it as a child. My mother always said it was because I was so stubborn princess."

"What do you mean?" The keeper asked as Ali moved her fingers through the water.

"I think I was 6 or 7 when I first saw swimming on TV. It looked so easy. I remember thinking I can move my arms and legs like that no problem. Well at my swimming lesson the next week we were only supposed to kick our feet at the edge of the pool but instead I pushed off the side. I nearly drowned before someone from the edge pulled me back. It was my first reality check." She laughed out only to see Ashlyn with a knowing smirk.

"But you did it again."

"Four times. I seem to be one of the lucky ones that have to learn the hard way." She joked but felt a frown emerge as she wondered if it were the same lesson she was currently learning with Ashlyn. “Anyways, I ended up discovering makeup and mascara. There ended my water dreams” She grinned trying to regain her composure.

"I admire tenacity." A small smile played on the blonde’s lips.

"It was child's stupidity. My tenacity ended when I realized how tiring it really was." They both laughed again before climbing out.

"I'm going to shower I'll be down soon."

"Okay." Ali answered, making her way upstairs. Already the smell of dinner permeated the air. Her mouth watered as she realized she had skipped lunch because her nerves were still wrought from earlier. Now they were intertwined with all the other feelings she couldn't quite grasp. They made progress. Ashlyn cared and it made her heart jump to hear it but the moment was short lived. Ashlyn returned to her armor of indifference and Ali wondered how long it would take to break through that. Not that it mattered; all they had was time now. She had 45 minutes left on the chicken so she went to the library to pick a new book for the next two days. The library was settled towards the back of the property. Floor to ceiling windows ran an entire wall while the rest were shelves dressed with books. Ali ran her fingers over the spines as she scanned their titles. A couch was set up in the corner overlooking the entire west corner of the property with a couple different throws lazily thrown over the oversized cushions. Her feet moved over the hardwood with little sound as she grabbed a throw, randomly picked a book, and settled onto the couch. The scenery outside drew her attention almost instantly. Mountains perched themselves in the distance, their peaks adorning caps of snow. She'd love to see this home in the depths of snow. Just her imagined visions of the log cabin decorated in glistening white inspired her.

"We need to talk." Ashlyn’s voice broke through her intense reading. Looking up, she stood in gray sweatpants and a white V-neck with her hair still wet and unruly from her shower. She certainly was something to gawk at. She was toned to the point of perfection each muscle defined and not a visible ounce of body fat anywhere. She was leaner than the average keeper, but yet again Ashlyn was not your average keeper. She was the best. She held two glasses in her hand, a wine glass and a tumbler both steady with her confident walk.

"Alcohol? Is this serious?" Ali asked, patting the space next to her as she handed her a glass of wine. Settling next to her, Ashlyn pulled some of her throw from beneath Ali’s toes and moved the brunette’s legs to drape over her lap. Her pretend-fiancé’s touch sent shocks through Ali, surging with more than excitement. Her scent teased Ali’s senses even more as she became encompassed in subtle notes of vanilla and a fresh earthy scent. It was intoxicating and inviting.

"We need to make sure you understand what it means for you to become my fiancé."

She spoke with no remorse or discomfort. Ali took a sip of her wine reveling in the comfort of a potential buzz as she listened.

"The world I'm in is high stakes. As you know. The living we make is not just how we play, but the image we portray off the field. Wives are both an asset and a liability. They can be used and manipulated to further intentions."

"Are you afraid that I'll be manipulated?" 

"Yes." 

"Ashlyn, I can play the game. I’ve played it before" 

"I know and you will because you'll have no choice but I just want you to understand..."

"That being your fiancé means being aware that I represent you and your career most of the time." Ali finished for the blonde. "That it means you'll be gone two to three times a month on camps or games and that I'll be attending events alone. You'll be working out late some nights if not most nights and finding time together will be like finishing a puzzle with missing pieces. It won't ever feel like enough."

It was then that she saw a semblance of remorse and guilt form on the keeper’s face if only for a second that she allowed it.

"You don't have to apologize for it. I'll never resent you for doing your job Ashlyn. In that regard I know what I'm getting myself into." Ali looked at her with a new expression one with undiluted admiration. Ali smiled warmly. She knew well how demanding soccer could be. It was secretly one of the reason’s she had left.

"We have the ESPN award dinner in LA next week."

"I know. Kelley already emailed me the guest list. I've gotten almost all of the names memorized along with their pictures."

"You have?"

Ali sighed and moved her wine to the side table. Raising herself onto her knees and putting her thumbs at Ashlyn’s forehead she began to massage outward. She stiffened at her touch but eventually relaxed beneath her fingers.

"You're warm. Do you feel okay?" Ali asked as she pressed the back of her hand to the blonde’s forehead.

"I'm fine." She growled back with annoyance. Ali narrowed her eyes at the blonde before settling back under her blanket.

"You don't have to worry about me. I can do this and so can you, just relax." "I never relax."

"Not even during sex?" Ali snapped her mouth shut and mentally berated herself for even asking it. A slight smirk appeared on Ashlyn’s face which made her feel even more embarrassed.

"Not even then." Ashlyn shrugged. Before she could comment, the keeper was already standing.

"Let's eat." Ali smiled up at her trying to move away from the sticky territory she got them into. One of these days they'd be able to talk about issues other than the superficial topics they had become all too familiar with but it didn't have to be tonight.

They ate dinner heavy with conversation about the cabin and it’s land. No one knew of its location. It was as private as Solo and herself could make it. Ashlyn liked the property because of its seclusion and helped Solo with half the cost because she knew she would only beg to use it all the time when media attention got chaotic. Ashlyn talked to Ali more than she had the past four months and the brunette listened intently, asking questions so she would continue. Her speech when not measured was almost melodic with her soft high resonant tone, lifting in places of excitement. The third glass of scotch probably aided in her uninhibited behavior.

"I'm going to head upstairs and watch a movie." She told Ashlyn after cleaning up dinner and making herself some hot chocolate.

"What movie?"

"Does my answer affect whether you'll come or not?" Ali asked playfully. "Yes." Rolling her eyes, Ali could only smile at her answer. "You pick then."

Upstairs, Ali decided against changing into her pajamas considering they bordered the thin line to lingerie. The fire roared with newfound intensity after Ashlyn stoked it and she ended up pulling Ali into her side after she lay down. Tucking Ali under her arm, Ashlyn began to browse the movie and TV selection. Her chest was soft beneath her cheek promising the ex-defender fantasies if she lingered there too long. There was something so safe and comforting about being held by a woman, especially this one. If she needed protection, she had no doubts Ashlyn could provide it.

Ashlyn ended up picking a shark thriller but she couldn't say how much of it she watched before she fell asleep. The drum of the blonde’s heart lulled her easily and her heat comforted Ali until it didn't. Ali woke to Ashlyn drenched in sweat from a fever. It took a few moments for her panic to subside. A fever when her mother was in chemo always gave her extreme anxiety. It took minutes to realize the difference between the two situations but her hands still trembled as she moved to wake the keeper up.

"Ashlyn." She ushered gently pulling their blanket off and shaking her softly. She roused slowly with a groan.

"I feel like shit." Ashlyn moaned as she struggled to stand up. It took two tries and two refusals to Ali’s offers to help before she began to make her way to the bathroom. Ali went to the kitchen getting a pitcher of water and medicine before heading back up.

Ashlyn was on the bathroom floor cradling the toilet with both hands when she walked in.

Rubbing her back as she threw up, Ali waited until she was almost done before wetting a washcloth and getting her toothbrush ready. The motions came with such ease that none of it bothered her. She'd done this exact process with her mother several times during her chemotherapy.

As Ashlyn brushed her teeth, she turned on the shower and went to change their sheets. She thought Ashlyn would be done by the time she finished but she was still sitting on the edge of the bathtub hunched over her knees.

"Everything okay?" Ali asked as she crouched before the younger woman. Her fingers moved the strands of blonde hair plastered to her head to see her better.

"I'm just working up the energy." Ashlyn answered shakily, her voice hoarse from earlier. She held out her hand and pulled her up.

"Would it help if I showered with you?" Ashlyn stared at her uncertain for what felt like forever. She wasn't uncomfortable with her body or insecure about Ashlyn seeing her naked but the intimacy of showering together unnerved the brunette.

"It would help." Ashlyn replied slowly and with hints of a smirk before taking off her pants and sports bra, opening the shower door. All of her movements were shaky and almost uncoordinated which seeing her that way made the keeper feel more real to Ali. Taking a deep breath, she stripped quickly. Her frame even in the massive expanse of the walk in shower seemed overpowering. She was leaning against the glass wall under the shower head when Ali climbed in. Hesitantly she reached for the soap and washcloth and approached the taller woman slowly. It wasn't the first time she'd seen her naked but holy hell she was the type of body any artist yearned to paint. Starting at her shoulders, noticing the small scars from previous surgeries, Ali moved the washcloth slowly over the curve to her neck before moving it down her back. Ashlyn’s muscles rippled beneath the defender’s hand as she washed with leisurely sweeps. Her heart raced with the firing of her nerves and the water showered them both with heat.

"Turn around." Ali directed after washing her legs. The blonde shifted slowly before facing her. Ashlyn stared at her raking her hazel eyes down her body before meeting her eyes with a measured amount of submission. Her chest was soft beneath her hands a contrast to her her hard stomach. It was a slight change but her breathing became rasping. In a split second Ashlyn had Ali turned and pinned against the glass. Her lips raked across Ali’s forehead before she sagged against the smaller woman.

"If I had the energy, I'd have you up against the glass with my tongue deep in your tight hole." She growled to her and Ali could of sworn she felt the blonde’s juice on her fingers that now laid on the keeper’s inside left thigh. Ashlyn groaned in frustration.

"You should leave." Ashlyn rasped closing her thighs to capture Ali’s leg between them. Heat bloomed everywhere from Ali’s hips to the tips of her fingers and toes. Closing her eyes, Ali willed herself to leave but her efforts weren't great. In all honesty, she didn't want to leave.

"Here." She whispered running her fingers through the blonde strands of hair and moving Ashlyn’s head to rest on her shoulder. "Rest your weight against me." Ashlyn looked at her confused for a moment before she nuzzled against her neck. She kissed the blonde’s cheek and let her hand crawl up to the blonde’s soft core.

She was indeed wet, regardless of the water. She stroked her fingers up and down the slit slowly at first enjoying the warmth. Ashlyn’s teeth nipped at her neck, her breathing guttural and hot against her skin. Rubbing her back gently with her other hand, Ashlyn’s entire weight fell on Ali. Her clit hard and becoming more sensitive as she rubbed faster. Ali let her head settle back against the glass as she felt her arousal surge through her in vicious waves.

She pressed a finger into the blonde’s entrance, gently pushing it in while her thumb worked on the small nub. Ashlyn began to thrust against her hand as Ali decorated the curve of the blonde’s shoulder with soft kisses. Feeling Ashlyn’s fingers dig into her, clawing at her skin, Ali knew the blonde was close. Bringing both her hands between them, she allowed two fingers to penetrate the blonde as her other hand spread what was now both their juices over the blonde’s core. She felt the warm juices released against her slowing hand. Gently thrusting her fingers until Ashlyn shuddered and completely sagged against her, Ali closed her eyes and tried to slow her breathing.

Their skin met with each heaving breath and Ali trailed her fingers lightly down the sides of Ashlyn’s tattooed ribs. The brunette’s legs were jello from supporting the keeper’s weight for so long and the heat of the shower and Ashlyn began to get to her. Gently, she maneuvered them both back under the shower head. Ashlyn watched as Ali washed herself and she tried to block the blonde out but her stare felt as tangible as the water raining down her body. Ashlyn’s jaw clenched tight when Ali finally opened her eyes and even with the intimacy of what just happened between them, she couldn't handle the weight of the keeper’s studying expression.

As Ali escaped the shower and dried off, she was glad to be dressed in a robe when Ashlyn finally emerged. She handed the sick woman a towel straining with effort not to look anywhere lower than his shoulder.

"Do you need any more help?" "I'm fine now." "Okay, I'm going to make you some soup. I'll bring fresh water up and more aspirin."

Ali changed into underwear and one of Ashlyn's shirts. All she had left that they packed was her lingerie and that just wasn't happening. Having some space helped her begin to process what she just did. She gathered the leftover chicken from the night before and started to heat some chicken broth. She cut vegetables with little concentration. All of her thoughts remained with Ashlyn in the shower. Ali wished she were the girl that didn't care so much. She wished she didn't care so much about her family but most of all she wished she didn't care so much about Ashlyn. She wanted to be the girl that felt less that had more control over her emotions.

Instead, she felt everything and she cared too much. There was such a blurred line as to what she should submit to and what she shouldn't. Certain emotions seemed useless to fight considering she was Ashlyn’s fiancé for a long time but then her fearful side reminded her she didn't have to resign to it all. The hard part though was choosing what to resign to.

It took her probably twenty minutes to carry Ashlyn’s food upstairs. The size of the house didn't help and her OCD refused to allow one drop of the blonde’s soup or water to spill. It also gave her time to gather some sort of explanation if Ashlyn were asked why she did it. And she came up with nothing besides she wanted to and that feeling her wetness against her hand stirred desire not nearly satisfied by what she did. She wanted more.

Ashlyn had his arm draped across her eyes as Ashlyn walked in. Tangled in the sheet, the defender could tell she was naked by the visible curve of the sheet that rested along the curve of her chest and hip.

"Ashlyn, can you sit up?" Slightly she moved her arm away to look at Ali as if seeing what she had was worth the effort. Releasing a groan, Ashlyn pushed herself up against the headboard, ignoring the fallen sheet at her waist, instead choosing to close her eyes as she settled. Ali set the tray on the end table and reached for her water, trying to ignore her beating heart.

"I have Nyquil and Dayquil here. Which would you like?"

"Nyquil. I want to sleep." Ashlyn murmured before opening her eyes. "I can do it by myself." Ashlyn snapped swiping both the water and medicine from her hands.

"I know. I'm just trying to help."

"I don't need help." Ashlyn growled at Ali as she moved to grab the chicken soup the defender just made for her.

"Well get over it because that's what I plan to do while you're sick." She spat back and Ashlyn looked like she'd been slapped with shock. "You are not alone anymore." She sighed after regaining some of her composure. Moving her hand to Ashlyn’s bigger ones, she squeezed tightly. "I'm here and I'm your fiancé and I plan to care for you when and where I can because I want to not because you need it."

"You want to?" "Yes." She breathed. "That's what people do when they care about someone."

Ashlyn drew in a deep breath after measuring what the brunette said for a moment. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay just can we tone down on the push and pull for a while. You're giving me whiplash." Ashlyn let out huff of laughter.

"I'll try."

"Good." Ali replied before moving the tray of food over the keeper’s lap. "Now eat." She demanded pressing her lips to the blonde’s forehead. As she made her way to the bathroom to dry her hair, she stopped when she heard her name.

"I'm not used to having someone to answer to." "You're not answering to me Ashlyn. You're just listening and it's not a weakness." 

As she dried her hair, Ashlyn ate and she was finishing the bowl as she walked back in. "Do you want some more?"

"No. This medicine is starting to kick in and I'm tired. Come lay with me." Ali moved the tray off the bed and climbed over the blonde’s lap. Ashlyn curled around her with her bare chest pressed to Ali’s back inhaling the scent of her hair as Ali moved it to fan the pillow above them.

"I like the smell of your hair." Ashlyn whispered sleepily as her hands tightened around Ali’s waist. Ali could feel her naked body, every curve of her bosom, and hard muscle against her expand with each breath and movement.

"Good because there's a lot of it." She joked back.

"Hmm." Ashlyn hummed appreciatively as her breaths moved to a deep and rhythmic pace.

"Thank you." She heard Ashlyn say against the skin of Ali’s neck before pressing a kiss to her exposed column. The blonde was asleep before Ali could answer. She turned towards the sick woman running her fingers over the relaxed skin of her face. Asleep, Ashlyn looked younger than her thirty years. The hardened expression she wore with such ease disappeared and Ali was left with untainted beautiful features that looked youthful with her contentment. Ali wasn't sure how long she stared at her for just exploring the planes of her face and relishing how relaxed she looked but according to the clock next to her bed it had been a half hour. Damn it. She was falling for her. And she was falling hard.

They spent the next three days in bed and Ashlyn even extended their stay by a day. She spent the entire flight home working out her workout schedule. They were lucky enough to have their phones and laptops waiting for them as they boarded. Ashlyn was already planning her flight for the upcoming away practice and game from what Ali could hear from the bedroom.

"You have a wedding dress fitting coming up” Ashlyn commented as they pulled away from the airport. The familiar surroundings felt good.

"I know. Hope said she would leak the information to the paparazzi so they can get some snaps of me leaving the place." "Are you okay with that?"

"Is not ideal, but its part of the deal. Part of helping your image. I’m here to help you." God, she hated paparazzi. Specially after her whole scandal. They were a pest to deal with. But, she knew. Her job from now on was to help Ashlyn. However, she could. After all, there were worst ways to handle this than a pretend dress fitting.

"Yeah, Hope called, emailed, and texted me with the pans. Thank you for that." "Sure." Ashlyn squeezed her hand as they drove drawing a smile from her.

They pulled up to the front door of their house and the sight was bittersweet. She wasn't quite ready to be free of Ashlyn yet and by the time Ashlyn let pass before she opened Ali’s door, the blonde didn't either. Standing at the front door was reminiscent of some of the first dates she had.

"I'll miss you in my bed." Ashlyn said shyly. Her hands were rubbing at her jeans nervously. "Will you have dinner with me when I come back from the game?" Reminding them both that the blonde would be off to the airport to make it on time for practice.

"I'd love to." Ashlyn stepped closer with her acceptance and twined her hand through the brunette’s hair resting her palm against the defender’s head.

"I can kiss you now." Ashlyn whispered against her cheek as she breathed the keeper’s scent in.

"Mhmm." She answered before Ashlyn forced silence upon her with her lips. It was their first real kiss void of social expectation and hesitancy. They both wanted it desperately. Ashlyn pulled her against her taking Ali deeper into a world of desire with her tongue as it moved inside her with promise of how much more the taller woman wanted. Soon Ali was moaning into her mouth and threading her hands into the blonde’s hair seeking more of her. The horn of the arriving taxi making them separate but only their lips. Ashlyn kept her forehead firmly pressed against Ali’s, breathing hard enough to dry the moisture she had left on the brunette.

"I'll see you in three days." Ali whispered laying a soft kiss to Ashlyn’s cheek before opening the door. Ashlyn grabbed her wrist making her turn back towards her. The keeper looked utterly lost and irresistible at the same time with her swollen lips and messy hair.

"I care about you." "I care about you too." Ali spoke warmly.

"Ashlyn." She called after the blonde knowing that demanding something of her had the ability to either piss her off or turn her on by the challenge.

"No more women." She ordered as Ashlyn faced her again. The keeper ran her hazel eyes down Ali’s body and then lingered on her lips.

"Done."

 


	9. The Relapse

As Ali closed the door, she shut her eyes and bathed in the excitement she felt, the undiluted happiness. Of course there were always the peripheral hazard lights flashing. Tonight, however, they weren't bright and she for once felt it all with no internal debate or conflict. And it felt good.

"You're smiling."

Ali jumped at the sound of Heather's voice, tearing her from her reverie. It was true. She could feel the stretch of her cheeks and the wrinkle of her eyes.

"It was a good trip." She managed to ask calmly through the surge of energy pumping through her. "She's not so bad. What are you doing in my house anyways" She added with a shrug as Heather’s studying expression turned skeptical.

"I'm glad. I was worried, but I’m afraid I have to agree she’s not as bad as I thought. She called me. She wanted me to stay with you. Didn’t want you stay alone in this big ol’ house by yourself." Ruth spoke with her usual warm and comforting voice before pulling her in for a hug. "Besides, I am not one to complain. I expect my bed room fully decorated for more future visits. I love this place" Ali 's shoulders relaxed into the embrace. Heather’s presence made the big beach house more like home they had ever really felt.

"Trust me HAO, I’ll need you forever in my life, things are always too complicated with me anyways." She whispered back as the crushing weight of her impending complete independence and hazardous love life hit her like a ton of bricks.

She watched the other brunette intently, noticing the weary look that danced across her eyes. Heather was never unsure about things. Such display perked Ali’s curiosity.

“What’s wrong?”

Heather’s eyes widen in realization that she had been caught. Ali watched as the footballer debated internally whether to tell her whatever secrets her tongue should spill.

“The center called. He had a relapse. Someone was sneaking in stuff into the facility” Heather carefully released each word, knowing the heavy impact of her words.

She called out Ali’s name after an awkward amont of silenced passed.

“Does Ashlyn know?”

“Ali-“

“Does she know HAO, is that why you’re here?” The brunette pleaded for the information.

“No. She doesn’t. This just happened a couple of hours ago. She doesn’t even know about him last time you informed me.”

Ali nodded, reasoning the same aswell. "I think I’m going to lay down for a bit." Heather’s face slightly changed at the statement but she refused to read into it much into Ali’s words.

"I’m here for you Ali. Whatever you need."

"I know HAO, but I need to process things myself first I think." Heather just nodded as Ali ascended the stairs. As much as she loved her home, the cabin existed as an immediate escape. Reality however had the most importune timing, this was her true life, full of secrets in every sector.   

Walking into her small room Ali felt her shoulders sag as she remembered the last time she encountered her brother. The room reeked of whiskey as he lay asleep on the bed surrounded by photos. The tumbler on the night stand looked freshly filled but neglected and she had to wonder which number that refill was. She had approached slowly and sadly. That familiar oncoming feeling of tears burned through her but she held off. Hours. It had been hours since they had buried her mother and now had to deal with Kyle. She was so sick of feeling defeated by loss. As always she compartmentalized all of it involving her mother's death, she had been trying to do so ever since she learned the news of her illness. She refused to acknowledge the pictures scattered across the bed as she shuffled them into piles and moved them to their boxes. His face as he slept lacked any content expression. Large lines worked their way onto his forehead as if he was just as upset as she felt. Ali had  brushed the hair from his face and sighed. She just couldn't see any way to save both her mother’s home and him and she suddenly wasn't sure if the house was worth it.

She had decided that day, she would get rid of her mother’s home. The memories, the laughter, the fights, the arguments. Away with the last ties of her mother, all to save Kyle and pay for his recovery. With the sudden news she couldn’t help but think maybe the home was more damaging than the saving grace she imagined it to be. The hoax with Ashlyn, the impromptu end to her career, all of it was her way of maintaining Kyle safe. She was the dingy fighting the oceans vicious currents to keep the only family member she has left, alive. 

As she fell back into her bed she wished for the cabin. She hated the fact that her feelings were all over the emotional grid. Having Ashlyn wrapped around her felt safe and different. The blonde was her escape and Ashlyn didn't even know it. She took out her phone and read through all of Emily’s messages. Sighing, she wished she could just ignore the doctor now but she wasn't that type of person. In the morning she'd compose a text telling her they couldn't communicate anymore. As much as she felt like an idiot, her demands of Ashlyn required the same effort from her.

It took her four hours to get to sleep and then she heard her phone ringing. Sleepily she scanned her bedside table until she gripped the vibrating monster. Wincing at the light she groaned at the 2:00 AM time displayed on the bright screen.

"Hey." She answered resting the phone on her ear and closing her eyes. "Did I wake you?" Ashlyn’s voice, despite the time, sounded perfect and much needed.

"It's okay. Is everything alright?" "Just can't sleep." The blonde grunted back. "Anything I can do?" "Come over." Ashlyn demanded and Ali smiled tiredly. "Take a plane back and come pick me up. You'll have to carry me downstairs probably." "If we get downstairs."

"Heather, thank you by the way, is just down the hall." "I'll gag you." "Ashlyn!" "What?"

"You are such a nymph."

"I'll take that as a compliment." Ali laughed, changing position in bed to get more comfortable for what she now realized would be a long conversation.

"You should but seriously what's keeping you up?" "Just stuff." "Game stuff?" "There's always game stuff." God, it was damn near impossible to get the keeper to open up. "Where are you?"

"In my bathroom."

"Well that's the first problem. Go get in bed." She heard the lock of the door open and Ashlyn’s footsteps as she moved. A sharp thud rang through the phone as she set the phone down. Ali imagined her getting undressed, her muscles undulating with each movement.

_Oh good lord Ali._

She heard the shuffling of the keeper’s blankets as she slid into bed making her smile. Yes, she wished she was there tight against her body even with her loud snoring.

"Are you in bed?"  "Yes."  "Do you want a bedtime story?" "Is it dirty?"

She smiled but began to tell the blonde her favorite German folk’ story. It was a story she figured Ashlyn hadn't heard before but also one that might put Ali to sleep before the blonde. She was hoping for the latter and won when the keeper’s breathing grew rhythmic and deep on the other line.

Ali woke up exhausted her body aching and her mood dim for the day. Something just didn't feel right. Kelley had emailed her schedule for the week which was insanely busy. She had four charity luncheons, two dinners, and her dress fitting. All that registered though, were the amount of dresses she'd have to buy and how much money she didn't have to spare. Walking to her closet she went through some of the few soccer memorabilia she had left; the ones she refused to sell over the years despite soccer enthusiast’s online begging for them. This time she'd sell on her Etsy shop. Etsy sold faster and she had the money to cover herself for a good three weeks if she budgeted correctly. God, here she was ‘engaged’ one of the richest female soccer players in America and she could barely afford new dresses but she refused to ask Ashlyn for money. Proving Ashlyn right about other women remained on her better-not list. But these objects, these were special. They were all of memories of her and her mother. They were dreams come reality. During chemo, they saved her and they gave her hope, her mother. Medals, trophies, signed jerseys. Refusing to linger any longer because she knew she'd change her mind if she did, she retrieved her camera and photographed them for the website. The faster she finished, the faster she could forget... everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more of a background on Ali and her hidden secret.
> 
> This is shorter than my usual updates and on a far off schedule from my usual post. Believe me I wanted to write and give you guys content. Your comments are far too sweet (though some of you can be kind of demanding lol). I beg you to realize, is not that I forget this story, but rather real life has gotten in the way. 2016 started off bittersweet. I got my dream internship but my mother found out I am queer while we were on vacation and to say she didn't take it well is a bit of an understatement. Our relationship as mother and daughter took a huge toll and it's been very difficult on me. It's been hard to for me to be motivated to do much right now, I'm slowly getting into the roll of things. I came out to my friends as well and they accepted me with open arms, like Ali I am just a rollercoaster of realities and dreams. I leave for Washington tomorrow and and happy to start a new chapter of my life. I will have more time to write this week so hopefully I can give you a better update. Expect a little drop in this Ashlyn & Ali rollercoaster soon. You don't think they will just fall in love right away did you lol.
> 
> Love you guys and I hope you understand why this is short and so late.
> 
> Stateofdusk xx


	10. The Confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long. This semester has been crazy. I would intern 9-5 and then attend classes 6-9 to then arrive home and do homework. I promise I have not given up on this story. 
> 
> Also, fair warning this might have a possible trigger in the middle. I placed a warning at the start and end if anyone wants to skip it.

It had been a full week since Ali had found out about Kyle. A full week since she had tried to sell some of her most pride possession in order to keep her brother alive. A part of her, deep inside felt guilty for lying to her fiancé. If there was one thing she had learned about Ashlyn Harris, it was her unforgiven truthfulness. While to the world Ashlyn Harris appeared to be stoic, a brick wall on the field demanding the best from the players in front of her, Ali knew better. The blonde truly did wear her heart on her sleeves. It only took a detailed glance at the goalkeeper’s tattoo sleeves to know that stamen was figuratively and literally. She had left Ashlyn in bed this morning, duty awaiting in the form of a television appearance. She was trying to recruit more volunteers for the hospital, but it had also given her and Ashlyn an excuse to promote herself as a devoting fan to her future wife. Now finished with her media day, the brunette found herself aching for any form of human interaction that wasn’t fake or forced.  She almost laughed out loud at her thoughts, specially as she found herself staring at one specific contact on her phone. They had come a long way. Always talking on the phone, eating dinner together, sharing details about their day. Far from an actual marriage, but every day closer to a true friendship. Not thinking it twice, she allowed herself to press the contact name and dialed.

"Hello." Ashlyn answered as her hand played with the small sediments beneath her. "Hi." "You sound weird. Is everything okay? Did the television appearance not go well? I’m sorry I had to miss it. Tom had me working double drills today." "Everything went fine. Just the usual questions. But, I think we definitely will see a spike in volunteers. What are you doing?"

"Just finished my conditioning for the day but I have a few contracts to go over for a while. Some new possible sponsorships. Why don't you head over and we'll head to my place…our apartment… from here? Are you sure everything's okay?"

She couldn’t help but smile at the correction. Ashlyn had kept her apartment which was closer to the training field, however the blonde had told her last week it could also be Ali’s place if she ever needed it. Surely, their beach property has started feeling like a home as well. The house no longer felt like place she was forced to live in, but rather a place she felt joy in coming home too. If her feelings weren’t enough, the fireplace in the living room was now adorned with a frame picture the couple took while away. "I'm sure. I'll see you soon."

Ashlyn stood as she walked in immediately pulling her in for a kiss that silenced everything. The blonde pulled away studying Ali’s face with a drawn brow and the defender waited to see if she would pursue the issue but she didn't.

"Want something to drink?"

"Whatever you have, which I assume is just Gatorade and water" She replied making sure to smile because the keeper looked even more skeptical at her than she sounded on the phone. She laughed as Ashlyn handed her a glass full of a brown liquid. She still remembered the days Dawn would force the team to drink them. After the first three, one could find themselves almost craving the taste. As Ashlyn returned to the desk, Ali held the drink in her hand relishing the bitter taste that burned down her throat. A glass full of old memories. She listened to Ashlyn rattle through papers, watching some of the Orlando workers shuffle through the facility.

"There are a lot of attractive non-player workers in this office. Should I be worried?" Ali commented playfully hearing the shuffling of papers stop and the chair roll back. Ashlyn’s scent encompassed her before her presence did. The blonde snaked an arm around Ali’s waist and stole her drink from her taking a long swallow before answering. Her breath was hot against the defenders neck, sending a vivid tingle everywhere.

"I only have eyes for you." Ashlyn answered making her smile.

"You have eyes for all beauty Ash." She replied turning around and studying the gorgeous, Greek-like face of her fiancé. "Whether it is aesthetic of a woman, the game, or architecture."

"Touché, but nonetheless, I do believe I have a beautiful sight in front of me right now."

" _This_ is what I care about." She spoke firmly as she placed her hand on the blonde’s chest, right near her heart. " _These_ are mine." She stated as she pressed her lips to the keeper. Her rough hands jerked Ali against her strong build, their pelvis rubbing against each other. " _She_ is mine." She whispered with a smirk drawing a groan from Ashlyn.

The office door flew open behind them with a mess of apologies from Alana, one of the office interns, while another woman behind her looked ready to murder if she had to.

"I'm sorry Ashlyn, but she stormed in here. I have security on their way up." Alana rambled and by the look of fear on her face Ali thought she might pass out.

"Out." Ashlyn yelled to Alana who closed the door with shaky hands and a desperation one could almost taste. The impeccably dressed brown haired model just stared her down with her narrowed light blue eyes. Personally they lacked any true emotion and that in itself put her guard up. Ashlyn approached her like a lion approached its prey. The blonde’s stride shifted effortlessly yet so domineering that even Ali stepped back. Covering the woman from her view, Ali waited nervously in anticipation for some blowout.

"Get out." She hissed at her but the woman didn't move.

"You refused my offer. Do you not think I'm serious when I say I will take this to court?"

It was then Ali realized who the woman was and her anger traveled quickly along with her extreme need to protect Ashlyn. Since her confession, Ali thought long and hard what she would tell the woman if she were ever confronted and suddenly Ali felt like playing the game.

"Ashlyn, please formerly introduce us." Ali rang out melodically void of anything but complete calm and lack of fear for the situation.

"Like she’s told you about me." The blue eyed woman quipped back.

"She has. What kind of relationship do you think we have?" She retorted as she felt Ashlyn watching her.

"Ali this is Alex. Alex, Ali." Ashlyn bit out before heading back over to the desk and leaning against it. There was a rush that attacked her because Ashlyn trusted her enough to let her continue.

"I would say it's a pleasure but it's not." "Likewise."

"Do you know what they're calling me in the press?" Ali asked watching Alex’s face morph to confusion.

"I don't particularly care."

"Well, you should. They call me the Princess, warrior princess in fact. Next year I have over fifty appearances scheduled with local programming and radio stations not to mention the charity dinners that I have to speak at along with three international magazine interviews. And if you bring your false allegations to light, who do you think the entire world of futbol will side with? The woman with no proof attacking a loving marriage and a pillar of the community who is also the largest donor for the youth in Orlando. While I might of retired from the game, I still bowed out with some grace and still have the respect of the sports world. If you think this will hurt our reputation, you better be damned prepared for it destroying yours because I will make sure of it. There will be no money and if I see you step foot in this building again or approach my Fiancé I will file a restraining order and I will make it public knowledge and ruin your entire reputation." Alex's face paled and as much as Ali hated to be a bitch it was extremely validating. Ashlyn waved security in before standing and pressing a kiss to her temple.

"I'm glad I introduced you both."

"I can escort myself out." The sports model spat out but security followed her every step of the way and as soon as the door shut Ashlyn had her against one of the bookcase in the office.

"Ash." She laughed out when she finally let Ali up for air. Her hazel eyes bore into her brown ones with so much gratitude that time almost stilled for Ali.

"Thank you…just, thank you." "You're welcome."

"Let's go." Ashlyn ordered ushering a squeal from her as the blonde rushed her from the office, sponsorship contracts long forgotten. The car ride was filled with insane sexual tension and Ali had to remind herself to quit smiling alas she look like a teenager. But every time she listened to herself, Ashlyn would squeeze her hand and drawing a squeeze from her which made Ali even more embarrassed. Ashlyn loved the power though. _That_ was obvious.

Ashlyn’s apartment always left her drooling. Art and memorabilia that probably was worth millions. The décor was a mixture of modern and industrial pieces while the architecture mimicked the same feel. Following Ashlyn into the kitchen, she allowed the blonde to poured her a glass of wine and she sat at the bar watching the other woman rifle through the cabinets.

"Are you going to cook for me?" She asked watching Ashlyn remove plates and silverware.

"I ordered dinner for us…special delivery from my grandmother" And that she did. Parmesan crusted chicken, the infamous macaroni and cheese, as well as a side of broccoli were delivered a half hour later. Ashlyn set the table for them both before ushering her over. They talked about soccer, talking about the possible teams the U.S might face. And surprisingly enough they agreed on a few key changes Jill needed to make.

Ashlyn wouldn't allow her to clean so she sat perched on the countertop watching the blonde try to figure out the dishwasher.

"I can feel you smiling." Ashlyn growled at Ali as she rearranged the bowls and glasses for the fifth time.

"I'm amused."

"HA!" Ashlyn yelled with a loud clap and a look of undiluted pride. "Fit everyone in there."

"I never doubted you for a second."

Ashlyn shut the dishwasher and turned it on before moving in front of her. Setting down the wine glass, Ali couldn’t help but snaked her arms around Ashlyn’s small waist.

"Thanks for dinner and the lively conversation."

"Stay with me tonight." Ashlyn demanded and Ali knew there was nothing in that statement to make it a question. Ali let her lips linger over the keeper’s before breathing an okay. She kissed the blonde softly at first before letting her tongue tease her lips open. It almost caught the brunette by surprise at his submissiveness, never had they kissed this way. Ashlyn’s shoulders grew tense as she traced a finger over her temple and cheek. The chiseled prominent cheekbones tender under her touch. With her speed unhurried, Ali allowed herself to just explore the intimacy between them. Sex didn't define their kiss and that she thought was the issue that forced Ashlyn to pull away. The loss of the taller woman’s heat surrounding Ali was more frustrating than anything. Ashlyn’s ability to change moods in a split second always kept Ali exhaustedly on her feet just waiting...always waiting for the next transition.

"Let's go to bed." Ashlyn pulled her from the counter and Ali followed her to the bedroom. Her mood had completely changed going from fire to ice in a matter of seconds and it wasn't at all what Ali expected. If anything Ali relied on Ashlyns domineering personality to take her on the counter where they were. Instead Ashlyn barely touched her throwing one of her shirts at her to change into.

"Is everything okay?"

"Fine." Ashlyn answered disappearing into the bathroom and she heard the shower turn on. Ali debated joining Ashlyn but thought against it. Being rejected once was enough for her tonight. She texted HAO telling her about her plans before curling up in Ashlyn’s bed. The four post king sized bed, she knew must have been custom made and the grey comforter cooled her entire body as she waited for her body to adjust. She shut off the light and closed her eyes praying that sleep found her before Ashlyn did but her head had other thoughts. A million actually. She heard Ashlyn emerge from the bathroom and Ali felt the bed shift with her weight as she climbed in. Time seemed to drag on forever as she struggled to fall asleep. After a couple of minutes, she finally felt Ashlyn’s arm snake under her shoulder and pull her against her chest. Neither of them spoke but it wasn't soon after that they both fell asleep.

Ali woke alone with a note from Ashlyn saying that she left for training. Ali lay in the silence for as long as her head could handle it. Throwing the blankets off her, she quickly got dressed and escaped the hospital for the day. She tried to find comfort among the kids. Their laughter and smiles failing to soothe the pain she felt. Her feelings only made worse when she realized her train of thought. Surrounded by children who did not ask to be in such terrible circumstances, she rolled in adversities she held control over. She could almost recall the times she was a fearless individual. But now, there was no bottom, no end, for her fear and pain. By the end of the day, she was ready collapsed onto the floor. She knew tonight she would come home to an empty house. HAO was out with her husband, and Ashlyn was to stay in the apartment due to early practice tomorrow. Grabbing her keys, she drove to the apartment. Ashlyn hadn't called all day and she needed an explanation. She needed something grounding, something she could at least hold on to and work with because silence never worked for her.

Ali stepped out of the elevator and rounded the corner of the entryway, her body already alert of Ashlyn’s proximity. Instantly the heat chilled when she saw Ashlyn standing with the same women the blonde subjected her to the night of the first event. The betrayal hit her hard taking the air from her lungs and the anxiety teasing her with short breaths. Ashlyn's eyes flipped to hers and when her face hardened it made rage replace Ali’s hurt. Ashlyn was upset with her? Chris walked in almost pale as if he knew his attempts to warn Ashlyn of her arrival came too late.

"Get her out." Ali heard herself demand as the anger almost separated her into two different people. No one moved but Karen, the other brunette, who had the nerve to smirk at her. "Now!"

Chris approached Karen quickly and the shock of the brunette gave Ali some consolation. At least, Ali wasn't the only one that thought she meant more to Ashlyn than the reality they were both just presented with. Ashlyn watched almost detached which pissed her off even more. After some dramatic screeching and cursing, the sound of a car driving away silenced everything leaving a palpable tension between her and Ashlyn.

"Are you going to explain yourself?" Ali bit out summoning her restraint desperately.

"I shouldn't have to explain myself. You're supposed to call before you come over." Ashlyn replied leaving the kitchen and disappearing down a hallway.

Restraint. Snapped.

Ali followed the blonde, feeling her blood boiling hotter with each step she took. It wasn't until Ashlyn crossed the threshold into her room that the keeper turned around realizing Ali hadn't left. Ali slapped Ashlyn; the decision consciously reached but uncontrollably given. Her palm met the chiseled cheek with a painful sting, one that seemed to snap Ali out of red rage. Pulling her trembling hand back, she covered her mouth.

"Oh my God." She shakily breathed reaching out to Ashlyn’s face before realizing the action was probably offensive now. "I-I-I'm so sorry. I've never done that be-" Before Ali could finish, Ashlyn had her pinned against her bedroom wall, the keepers face so close Ali could only stare at the red stain she left on her Greek-like face. Ali’s vision grew blurry.

**(Possible Trigger)**

"Don't ever hit me again." Ashlyn spat at her, her hazel eyes darker than Ali had ever seen them and she could only nod in acquiescence. Then Ashlyn attacked her mouth with punishing force. Ali’s hands moved to up the blonde’s chest eager to push her away but the keeper pressed herself against Ali harder and some of her resistance fluttered away when Ashlyn’s tongue moved against hers. Ashlyn’s hips undulated against hers drawing heat and need from her like a wanton woman. There was something so inebriating with this kiss but she had no doubts, Ashlyn was punishing her. Sex, Ali realized was a form of power and control for the blonde. With every movement of her tongue, Ali felt the rough keeper hand graze her thigh teasing her to spread her legs wider. On some conscious level, she recognized the manipulation but the rest of her didn't care. The rest of her reveled in the desire Ashlyn summoned as she moved her panties over and drove into her with her long, experienced fingers. She needed the release as desperately as Ashlyn wanted it.

With one hand Ashlyn drug both of Ali’s hands above her head pinning them in place. With frustration, Ali bit Ashlyn’s lip as the blonde kissed her which forced a growl from Ashlyn.

Ashlyn, Ali had learned became all encompassing. Her scent strangled Ali’s senses, her fingers expertly fucked her, and the blonde barely let her breathe while taking her mouth. God, Ali wanted to touch her, to take her silver hair between her fingers and clench tight with her desperation. Abruptly, Ashlyn grabbed her waist and threw her on the bed, pressing hard on her back when Ali tried to turn over.

"I want you to beg." Ashlyn whispered harshly into her ear, her finger massaging Ali’s g-spot with torturous precision.

"Beg."

Ali hated how Ashlyn reduced her but she despised how willing she was to comply. Surely Ashlyn had notice. The blonde’s movements would turn tender and she’d take her on her back so she could wrap her arms around the taller woman’s neck. But nothing changed. Ashlyn brought her to the brink of orgasm only to steal away any relief and it wasn't until her cheeks were wet with tears that she grew fed up.

"Please." She pleaded in a voice she barely recognized.

"Please what Ali?"

"Please stop. You’re hurting me"

**(End of Trigger)**

Stillness. Silence.

The once steamy room was frozen in time as Ashlyn’s eyes returned to a warmer shade. Their heavy breathing the only sound being emitted across the large bedroom. Ali saw it immediately, the regret, the self-hatred that ran through the blonde. However, that didn’t matter to Ali. Climbing off the bed, she found her underwear and shoes and made her way towards the elevator. Her legs felt extremely shaky and if there was a bed nearby she would collapse and sleep for days.

"Where do you think you're going?" Ali walked faster. She wanted to avoid more conflict because she was just so damn tired of playing Ashlyn’s games.

"I asked you a question." Ashlyn’s voice sounded right behind her and Ali’s heart grew rapid in its pace.

"Home Ashlyn." She uttered, just completely exasperated with it all. "We need to talk." "You had your chance." "I didn't sleep with her."

"What you just leave your punishments for me then?" "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You have been punishing me from the beginning for other women's mistakes! I'm so tired of being a punching bag for your frustration. So you can send me a dress to label me a whore, or reduce me to the same position as your booty call. Four days at a cabin of you being nice, a week of phone conversations, and a picture over a fireplace doesn't fix everything Ashlyn. You're not depositing good karma for moments like this." Her hands were shaking as she vomited her frustration and anger. Ashlyn stood straighter protecting herself more.

"You are just like them."

"I am not like them. You are either blind or purposely needing a reason to push me away then. I don't want your money Ashlyn. Besides the money from the agreement, I have never asked for one penny of yours. If this marriage was even real, if you had a prenup here right now stating that I ask for nothing I'd sign it."

"Then why the fuck are you marrying me?" Ashlyn growled throwing her hands up for dramatic effect.

"I guess I'm not the only one holding back." The blonde answered for her when Ali refused to talk.

"The difference is that I am protecting someone. You are just protecting your damn ego. You want to push me away? Fine. But at some point I won't come back."

"You're not coming back?" Fear changed the keepers features and it pulled on Ali’s heartstrings as much as she wished it didn't.

"Honestly, I don't know." She shrugged turning away from Ashlyn and waited for the elevator. Ali could hear Ashlyn shuffling behind her, her hands rubbing nervously against her jeans. As the door opened Ali stepped in and turned around seeing for the first time that she might have actually hurt the younger woman.

"Shit, Ali..." Ali cut her off with a raised hand. "Please don't. I just need some space and time." The doors closed and the finality broke her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. You guys didn't think they would just be happy did you? No worries, this is probably the start to the climax of the story. Ashlyn's decline and realization of what Ali means to her, and also what Ashlyn means to Ali. But why was Karen back...? Also I hope the sex scene wasn't to bad. I don't want anyone to think it was a form of rape, it wasn't. Ashlyn is very dominant, Ali is very submissive, but Ali also realized that at that specific time Ashlyn was having sex with her not because she wanted it but because she was just mad. Sex is Ashlyn's coping mechanism and Ali is strong enough to not be used. Also, because I feel so bad of making you wait.. Next chapter; Ashlyn finds out what Ali has been hiding....Kyle.
> 
> I just wanted to take the time to thank you for your kind words. My mother and I are finally talking. We don't ever really bring up my sexuality up, but our relationship is good. Your words of encouragement meant the world to me! Even with everything I went through, it feels good to have that out there. 
> 
> Finally, as some of you might of found out and I will make note of this in the first chapter. This story is largely based on the Fifty Shades of Grey fan fiction story called "Wonderland." The story has not been updated in over 2 years and the writer never finished it. With that said, this story is also my spin from that story. Wonderland did not have a contract, obviously had no soccer, and there was no brother in rehab. If this discourages you from reading it, I'm sorry, but I promise you from this chapter on it will probably be very different. It also really hurt when some of you insinuated that the reason I didn't update this story was because of Wonderland lack of updates. To think someone would think I would lie about my sexuality, loosing my relationship with my mother, and going through such a stressful time really does hurt. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you like this chapter and I promise I will try my best to update soon.


	11. The Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe we lost, and I can't believe Sweden still keeps pushing through the ranks with such terrible style of play. Hopefully an update will cheer you guys up, I rushed to put this one out because I finally had some free time. Please excuse any typos. Also PS I'm sorry in advance for the cliffhanger.

Tik. Tik. Tik. Tik.

 

Silence it seemed, made even the smallest of sounds a roar of annoyance in the eyes of the upset goalie. After Ali’s disillusioned and heartbroken goodbye Ashlyn sat herself by the front of the door, waiting with hope that her fiancé would return; a feat that became harder to do with every passing ‘tick’ of the clock above her. Silence it seemed, brought out her worst nightmares. Ali had left her, and for reasons she herself had always thought possible. She was no good for the brunette, her life, her daemons, her passions, they were always too much.  Perhaps the truth that hurt Ashlyn the most, was realizing she was indeed both wrong and right about Ali. Perhaps the brunette truly was not out to hurt her as she had often convinced herself.

  _I am protecting someone._

The words rang through her head over and over again. Who could Ali possibly be protecting. Her mother passed away, her father, as Ashlyn had learned, didn’t have the best relationship with Ali, and her friends—well Heather was the only one she had ever met. A frown took over Ashlyn’s face, she really did not know much about Ali.

Groaning, Ashlyn reached for the phone in her pocket, flipping her phone back and forth in her hands. She hated what she was about to do but she knew this was the only way moving forward. Unlocking her phone, she dialed a number that had become too familiar.

“Crystal” she greeting curtly.

“Hey Ash. I can always assume a call this late means something serious” The younger computer genius inferred.

“I want all financials you can get on Ali Krieger for the past two years” Her heart beating even faster with request

“Your fiancé?”

“Crys, I wouldn’t be asking if it wasn’t important…please” The blonde let a moment of weakness showing.

“I can do five years” the short woman’s voice replied through the phone, a sigh of relief escaping Ashlyn.

“Two is fine, if I need more I will let you know”

“Done” Crystal replied with an excitement only a trusted investigator with deep technological hacking capacities could have.

Ashlyn slowly got herself up from her camping grounds, moving into her study/office space within the apartment. Yes, a headache was in her foreseeable future. She contemplated calling Ali, but her stubborn side also expected the brunette to call her first. She was not a chaser. She was a goalie, she waited for chaos to come to her hands, trusting that she could stop it. She had always trusted that she could stop it, but she also had never considered the chaos wasn’t going towards her at all. Was she punishing Ali? No. Ashlyn shook her head, albeit fully lying to herself. Ashlyn had punished her for Alex and her lawsuit, yes. She punished her for Karen, for her blackmailing to file with Alex for harassment, hoping Ashlyn would leave Ali and be with her. This is why she never did relationships, why she never trusted anyone, because people hurt people. Ali, though, Ali made the idea of trusting debatable, almost lustful. Ali had created a flame within her, a flame only Ali could settle. Only her.

There wasn’t a particular moment she could say started that bursting flame. Possibly Ali caring for her in the cabin and the extension of that merging its way into the shower. She had touched Ashlyn so gently like she was worshipping a painting, an act so intimate it would have her running, but it didn’t. Instead the brunettes touch had made Ashlyn feel wanted, cherished in a way she had never experienced. Ali touch made up for the years of her body being trampled, injured, and abused by the sport resolved in a few minutes. After Alex, any other woman Ashlyn came in contact with was a means of distressing, a way to get her body ready for the game. For little time, she held them as she supposed she should have after the act but it was like wading through dirty water. Ashlyn would cringed the entire time but kept wading until their time would end. None of it was enjoyable; it was just a means to an end.

Ashlyn had learned superficial things about Ali during their stay at the cabin. She hated sleeping in complete darkness. There always needed to be a glow in their room otherwise she ended up restless, her toes curling and uncurling nervously until Ashlyn had to force her to tell her what was wrong. During awkward scenes in movies, she hid under the blanket until it was over, sometimes allowing one eye to peek out before jerking the blanket back up to blind her vision. She would mix the most awful combinations and claim them to be the next peanut butter and jelly. She also had an overactive imagination. The scenarios she imagined Ashlyn in while she was hiking were signs that Ali had seen too many movies. Amusement lifted a smile from Ashlyn as she remembered Ali’s little quirks. They made her utterly charming...Ali.

The sound of an incoming email caught her attention and she opened it, fully aware of the content. Ali's financials for the past two years opened in PDF format and she scrolled through. Shock hit Ashlyn’s hard as she saw the little money Ali had considering her career and the wealth Ashlyn assumed she contained. There was one consistent debit every month of a thousand dollars. She emailed Crystal to find out the recipient. Then the past two months drew her attention. Ali’s prior activity lacked any flamboyant charges or shopping sprees besides the occasional splurge at the same sports store she visited. But the past two months, she spent more money combined than the last year that dwindled almost half of her savings. They were all at clothing stores and boutiques and Ashlyn realized the lifestyle she assumed Ali could afford was evidently not the case. Why wouldn't she ask for money? Ashlyn also had an account at Saks that she could use. An unfamiliar ache, pain almost, started to radiate through her uncomfortably. The last two days’ money had been pouring in from eBay sales an she had a feeling it was for some of the soccer awards and trinkets she had collected but Ashlyn refused to believe it. Specially when she saw her final statement, all deposited to the same place she had deposited the previous thousands.

The email she was waiting for finally came, she opened it only to feel that pain grow in its intensity. The check Ali regularly wrote every month for the past two years was a fee to a rehabilitation center and drug treatment program for a Kyle Krieger, whom Crystal disclosed to be Ali’s brother, and Ashlyn also had a sneaking suspicion she'd been paying longer than that.

Fuck. Ali was as honest and kind as Ashlyn was afraid she might be. It slapped her in the face. Ashlyn dealt better with manipulative women, women with an agenda but women like Ali, Ashlyn couldn't determine their actions because she had trouble anticipating them and comprehending that sometimes there is no threat or ill intent with an action. At the young age of 4 was when she realized that people were flawed, watching her mother drink her problems away. At 6, that people were full of empty promises, and that no one could be trusted. After coming out, some of her contemptuous views had been tested especially by her grandmother, Ethel, but more often than not she wasn't enough. People tended to prove her choice of distrustful nature right. It's why increasingly she's lost control since knowing Ali. Ashlyn had been battling someone she thought to be agenda driven but quickly that portrait blurred. And G-d having her in bed. She was absolutely perfect, reserved yet comfortable with her body and sexuality. Women who advertised their sexuality like a Times Square billboard had no appeal to Ashlyn. Ali made her work for it and when Ashlyn turned the brunette ravenous, when she let go and submitted to the keeper it was the most resplendent gift, Ever. Well, until she flipped the tables and stole her orgasm from Ashlyn. She really wanted to spank the shit out of her then.

"Fuck!" Ashlyn growled. She did spank Ali. Ashlyn always praised herself on her ability of self-control but Ali tested her. Every time Ali kissed her, Ashlyn thought the restraint not to fuck the defender might kill her and at some point she became afraid of what she would think about Ashlyn’s hidden kinks, kinks she was sure Ali now had some sense about. At some point the need to keep her outweighed the desire to have her. And that had never happened before.

Leaning back in her chair, Ashlyn stared at the glowing computer screen almost offensively with its condescending truth glaring right at her.  

_You're an ass Harris._

Yes. Yes, she was. That was going to change though. All she needed was to make sure Ali stayed.

Ashlyn entered the locker room the next day in a foul mood. Ali avoided every means of communication that she tried: email, phone, and text. Ashlyn was giving her until sunset before she stormed that damn house. Her only saving grace was the training and press conference she had before then. Training had always stolen most of her attention and served as the distraction she needed. After the press conference however her anxiety regarding Ali returned.

"You have a visitor waiting outside the locker room." Her teammate Spencer warned stopping her as she reached the door.

"Why are they inside the facility?"

"It's Ali's father." She explained.

"Oh." Ashlyn dismissed her entourage of publicists and consultants before glancing at herself in the mirror. Great, Ali sent her father to call off their engagement and she was wearing a smelly jersey. As she stepped out of the locker room, she fought her body's desire to go back in. Ali’s father sat quietly in one of the chairs across the hallway. He stood when she cleared her throat.

"Ashlyn, I'm Luke, Ali’s father. It's very nice to meet you finally although I'm disappointed it's taken this long."

"I'm sorry we haven't met sooner." She replied shaking the older man’s hand. His stance contained full confidence, his chin raised with a specific level of defiance and Ashlyn assumed it related to some of his wealth. Dressed in jeans and  a dress shirt, his face void of facial hair and light streaks of white coating his head, he vowed to have nothing to prove. His hands bore the signs of physical labor and Ashlyn knew her height and built stature meant nothing in this conversation.

"Ah nonetheless, this is a perfect time."

"I agree."

"I am assuming since you are about to get married, that Ali’s told you about our family struggle. Her brother, Kyle, he used to have a tough time with addiction, almost overcame it actually, but after my ex-wife’s death he fell down that terrible path again, it's made him considerably worse. As you might be aware, Kyle and Ali have a very strong bond, strong enough to make her leave the game to take care of him. But this, this has shattered both of them. While Ali and I may not have the best relationship, I just wanted to come by and make sure you’re taking care of her. She’s strong, really strong, but even the strongest mountains erode” Ashlyn remained stoic but the guilty was consuming her. For someone who prided herself on her aptitude for reading people, she'd done a damn good job neglecting Ali.

"I'm trying sir."

"I would like you to get Ali out of the house, maybe get her back into the game. It's not healthy for her to hide away. I know you have the Olympics coming up, but please help my daughter." Fuck, she wished it were that easy.

"Of course, I have some training in Hawaii, I can make some time for a vacation as well." She answered knowing that none of it was guaranteed.

The way, in which Luke straightened in her chair, she prepared herself. He shifted and cleared his throat not showing fear but more a tenacity for what he was about to say, in a way only a father could do.

"Personally, I do not approve of this wedding happening so quickly. Ali isn't happy nor is she ready. I may not talk to my daughter, but I do keep tabs on her. Please, understand this is by no means a reflection of how I view you but as her father, her well-being is my first priority. I just don't want her to do something at a time where she's so emotional."

"I understand." And to some extent she did. Now as she viewed the past months with a clearer, less biased head, Ashlyn could see Ali’s need for the distractions of this arrangement. She was hiding behind the busy schedules, Ashlyn’s demands, their home, and wedding details. Truly, she'd given her an escape.

_Sonder._

During one of their conversations at Hope’s cabin, Ali’s love for the word emerged. She talked about it often that such a small word could elude such a big meaning. The beauty of realizing that everyone around you had their own world to live. The metaphor of complexity within each and every one of us, the characters within our stories, unique to each memory and time.  

"I just want Ali to be happy. It's been a very long time since I've seen her that way."

"I want the same thing. If there is any way else I can help, please let me know."

"You have done so much already." His statement had more admiration than what the situation required. He continued despite her confusion. "Kyle’s rehab program." He prompted.

"My ex-wife was always worried we could never afford to pay for Kyle’s treatment with her illness and the cost of her funeral arrangements. I just can't thank you enough for your help. It would have been a crushing loss on top of the one they both just had." Clarity dawned on Ashlyn then at least the version she was creating in her head.

"I'm glad Kyle is taken care of." She replied not wanting to lie but also not wanting to encourage suspicion because she had in mind exactly who "helped" with Kyle’s payments. "Right now, our schedule has a trip to LA tomorrow for a charity dinner Saturday and I'll make arrangements for us to maybe stay for an extra day or so."

"I'd appreciate that. I don't know you very well. Ali has been resistant to talk much to me, but I get in contact with Heather to keep tabs, she wouldnt offer details besides the obvious fact that Ali is pissed at you. My daughter,  I know can be stubborn and irritatingly emotional at times, trust me I’ve been at the receiving end for years now, but she's also the most forgiving and loving person I know, Kyle can be your witness to that. That's her mother in her, not me. I am less forgiving so if I find that you have harmed Ali in any way, if you are isolating her, I will come for her. And I'll make damn sure to remove the problem." Luke threatened with a stern look.

"I have no plans to harm or isolate Ali" She reassured him and that seemed to be a sufficient reply.

"Thank you." Ashlyn stood at the cue of Luke’s standing. "I'm sorry to have intruded on your training but I love my daughter."

"I completely understand."

"Oh and Ashlyn..." Luke called at the end of the hallway. "Just remember, I taught Ali to shoot and she has a damn good eye."

"That actually doesn't surprise me." Ashlyn countered and he left with a smile of pride but Ashlyn was shaking with her restraint.

Anxiety and fear were foreign emotions for her but both threatened to strangle the air from her lungs as she sped to Hope’s office. You know, she was a selfish bastard most of the time but not so dehumanized that she would take advantage of a family as Hope had done. Her blood pumped viciously and drowned her head with a symphonic rhythm. The closer she got, the tighter her fists gripped the steering wheel and the more she felt her body tighten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long wait. My internship this summer took a lot of my time. Thank you so much for your comments and kudos I am so sorry the updates are taking forever, is not my intention is just life gets in the way
> 
> So Ashlyn found out about Kyle (Oh boy!). Next up, a visit to Hope, the man of the hour (Kyle), and the reconciliation between the two! 
> 
> I am foreseeing maybe 4-5 more chapters and an epilogue are left.


	12. The Words of Wisdom

Her footsteps rang loudly through the PR firm, a reflection of the anger surging through her body. Ignoring the desperate please by the desk assistance, Ashlyn barged into Hope’s office, her hand ready to swing as soon as Hope stood up to great her.  The sound of her flat hand meeting Hope’s cheek reverberated around the glass office and in her own body. Stumbling, Hope grabbed for her desk to steady herself, checking to make sure no blood was drawn from the assault, before righting herself.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Ashlyn roared as she began to pace the carpet of the office.

"She told you." Hope replied and Ashlyn stilled narrowing her eyes at the dark haired woman, battling the urge to keep her hands to herself.

"No. I've just finally deciphered this fucking mess."

"First” Hope glared at the blonde “I will forgive you for coming into my office and assaulting me. You’ll be glad to know I wont press charges, considering the shit show you’re already in with Alex.”

The words rang through the office, the tense air slightly splitting with the statement. Looking down at her hands Ashlyn tried to ignore her publicist’s words.

"What about Ali?" she growled. 

"What about her?"

"She just lost her mother! She lost her mother and you decide to use her brother’s addiction as leverage. In what sick twisted world is that okay" 

"And how well have you been comforting her about that?"

"What's that supposed to mean?” Ashlyn questioned as she shoved a chair out of her way to get closer to Hope.

" I did not blackmail Ali into working for me. It’s simply a way to make sure the nature of this agreement would stay away from the media. Something that would benefit not only you but her as well. Also don't come into my business, disrupt my office, and expect to blame me for your mistakes and for your guilt.”

"I wouldn't have any if you left her alone."

"You wouldn't have _her!_ And if you want to keep her I suggest you change your god damn attitude. It is already hard enough making people believe someone could fall for you."

"Why do you care?"

"I handpicked her specifically for you. I knew the kind of trouble she was in, and the kind of trouble you we’re in. You were perfect for each other" Hope answered with such conviction, it forced Ashlyn to step back.

"When?" 

"When what?"

Ashlyn sat preparing her question.

"When did you pick her?" Ashlyn stared at her and the office around them as if she wasn't sure if this moment would ever come. Hope took her time, moving to the bar, pouring them both scotch before returning to her desk. She placed the glass against her swollen cheek as he sat.

"A year and a half ago. I had a client at the facility her brother is in, when I went to visit them I stumbled upon her. She looked relax, the break from the game had done her some good, she was explaining to one of the nurses how she would return one day, as soon as Kyle got better. She had such an optimism that reminded me of you in your younger days in the game, she saw beauty in the game, but most of all saw beauty in mental health and family, she had an intelligence I knew you'd enjoy, and a beauty I knew would appeal to you. "

"And what? You thought I fucking needed her?" She snapped.

"She is Ali Krieger for fucks sake, one of the best right backs the world had ever seen, if someone was going to get you out of the press hell hole you were in, it was the princess warrior herself. And by the looks of things I think I've been proven right." Ashlyn’s lips thinned. She did need Ali. It was no longer about desire. She'd do anything to keep her, short of murder and that still wasn't a certainty she would bank her career on. In the last few months, the right back had grown to be the most important part of her life, in ever single aspect.

"So you just bided your time until you were presented with an opportunity?"

"You and I both know that being successful whether on the field or of means you take advantage of opportunities. You remain patient and wait for the perfect time. Let the ball get just close enough and intercept it"

"You are a selfish son of a bitch."

"I am." She agreed without shame. "I'd do anything for my clients, specially clients who I know did nothing wrong. I am selfish in that way."

"Don't try to justify it! Why didn't you just tell me the truth to why she agreed?"

"Its all confidential, in order to protect both of my clients, I only tell what they wish me to tell. Besides, she wanted to spare her brother and family some dignity." Ashlyn snapped her mouth shut at that reply knowing she had no argument. That, she could completely understand.

Women, like her and Ali, despised appearing weak. It placed their positions in jeopardy. In their world, there was always someone waiting to take the throne, in the game and in the limelight, so you guard it and you have people in your life that will do the same.

"I want the contract called of. Stay away from her, stay away from Kyle. From now on, you are in charge of my sports life, not my personal life, and specially my love life. I'll have a check to you by the end of the day for the early cancelation fee." She growled before storming out, leaving a shocked but almost amused Hope Solo behind.

Her head pounded incessantly with a headache as she navigated the halls of the firm with the little memory she had of the place.

"Ashlyn! Good, I've wanted to talk to you!"

"Now now Kelley."

"It's about Ali. It'll only take a sec."

Ashlyn took a deep breath and turned away from the front door heading towards the nearest empty meeting room.

"Wow, you look like crap. Practice took a toll on you?"

"Get it over with Kelley."

"Well, I was looking at the schedules and well, your send off game” Kelley frowned, thinking of the right words.

"What does it have to do with Ali?" Ashlyn cut in and Kelley turned towards her with a measured expression as if she wasn't sure if Ashlyn’s question was real or not.

"Because of her mother." She lilted slowly before placing down a flyer announcing the game. "“Its on the anniversary of the death of Ms. Krieger. I doubt the last thing she would want is to mourn her mother in a field with sweaty soccer stars.”

"Fuck." Ashlyn hung her head, her hands combing through her almost- silver hair with exasperation. "Oh Ashlyn..." She clenched her jaw at the disappointed sigh of her name.

"I know Kelley, I know." She answered. Unlike her boss, Kelley and Ashlyn got along well, in part by their love for surfing and the honesty the younger girl always addressed her with. No bullshit allowed. Man, the universe was raining guilt on Ashlyn like a fucking criminal.

"I have to go… I'll take care of it, but be prepared to release a statement."

She allowed herself thirty minutes to sit in her car and calm down. Silence, it usually made her even more anxious, but she needed a clear mind. Internally debating her plan, Ashlyn’s finger hovered over a familiar name on her phone, until the threat of doing nothing was greater than doing everything she could.

“Hello”

“Crystal. I need the address and fastest route to get to the center.”

“You got it gurl. I’ll send it a-s-a-p.”

It was a long drive, from Orlando to Miami, three hours and 33 minutes to be exact. Ashlyn drove to the center in a cloud of discontent and fear, fear she hadn't felt since she was a child. She couldn't lose Ali and she damn well couldn't watch her be with someone else. Frank Ocean’s ‘Thinking About You’ sounded through her car, the lyrics aptly describing her own emotions. The second Ali Krieger had entered her life, a hurricane of emotions and feelings had swept through her body. However, that hurricane that had caused so much emotional turmoil had also brought her clarity, about life, about family, about love. Their conversations, barely void of soccer or debate, always left her content and in awe of her intelligence but as always she refused to show her admiration or voice it because it gave Ali power.

The driveway she pulled into showcased a building with a hideous mustard yellow color, the paint chipped among the wooden siding. It was almost hard to believe this was considered “luxury” rehabilitation if it wasn’t for the large sums of money she knew Ali was paying. She slammed her door and carefully climbed the uneven wooden planks with incompetent black pads for traction. Her own brother had been part of a rehabilitation program, albeit defiantly nicer than this place. She stood in the middle of the reception, surveying the small space of what she could see, she felt the need to renovate the space in her head.

She gathered as much courage as she could and walked up the front desk.

“I’m here to see Kyle Krieger.”

The long pause and glare sent to her by the balding man behind the desk, clearly let the blonde know she had said the wrong thing.

“We always tell visitors to plan accordingly. Patients can only have one visitor at a time. Mr. Krieger is currently with his sister.”

“Oh.”

“We can notify Ms. Krieger of your visit and let her know her time is up.” Bill as his name tag read, said in a monotonous voice.

“No, it’s okay. I will come back another day. Thank you.”

As she turned away to head back to her car, a tall broad shouldered man with multiple tattoo’s down his arms appeared through the hallway. To another individual the man would almost appear like a model. To Ashlyn, it was like looking at Ali’s twin.

“If I had known all I needed to do to get a line of fans was to become a drug addict…well, even then I wouldn’t have” His nose scrunched up, his tongue captured between his teeth, laughing at his own joke, a sight that Ashlyn had become very familiar with thanks to his sister.

“Don’t worry, my sister is watching The Notebook, there is no one that will get her way from that TV” Kyle explained, his hand coming forward to shake her own. “Kyle Krieger, a queen at your service” he joked again, soothing the nerves of a very anxious Ashlyn

“Ashlyn Ha-“

“Oh I know you are. Trust me when your sister is about to marry someone, you do everything in your power to find out who they are. You know, in case you need to kick some ass” He warned in a serious tone, shaking her extended hand. “That and you happen to be the best goal keeper in women soccer history. Big fan of your work” He winked.

Ashlyn couldn’t help but laugh. She had expected a different encounter with Kyle. “Noted, and thank you” she humbly said, looking down at her feet, wishing she would have changed after practice.

“I-uh didn’t think I’d find you so” She pondered, thinking carefully in her choice of words.

“Cheery?” Kyle nodded in understanding. Glancing behind him, he ignored Bill’s glare and sat in one of the benches aligned the reception space, welcoming the blonde to sit next to him.

“There are good days and bad days” He shrugged. “Sometimes its easy to forget you every needed drugs, other days it feels like your soul is being sucked out of your body, begging for something to get you high” he played with his hands, a sign that his comfort level in talking about his addiction was still touchy.

Turning to Ashlyn, he stared at the blonde intensely, trying to read her. “Can I trust you Ashlyn?”

To any other person, Ashlyn would have scoffed, clapping back a rhetorical question. Frozen at the seriousness of the situation, she just nodded.

“When I heard my sister was getting married, specially to a woman, I was the happiest and the most envious man on earth. Ali had always been the better one. She was the star athlete, the straight a student, mother’s sidekick, and dad’s princess. I was always the odd one out, specially with our father. Ali, she couldn’t do anything wrong, hell she never did anything wrong. When I learned she too was gay, I was almost glad, maybe then dad would like me more, but even then I never wanted anything bad to happen to my sister” he paused, as if taken back by his own words. “It took him a while with her too, to accept, that his two kids were Kinsey 6 gay. I guess that’s when I realized it’s not me who is flawed, its not Ali, its him. Mom, she accepted both of us, open arms, she helped us.”

She stared at Kyle as his confession spilled, the hurt behind his eyes, the fading anger in his tone, the love for his sister all raveling themselves with every word.

“My mom’s dying wish was for me to get better and for Ali to find her passion” Kyle looked straight at her “Now, I’m here restarting my clean streak from zero and comforting a crying Ali because the person she’s supposed to marry in two months, accused of her disgusting things. Now, I plan on getting better. If not for me, then for that woman in there who has rooted for me every single day. The woman who gave up the one true love of her life to help our mother and help me.”

The guilt that had earlier consumed Ashlyn was nothing in comparison to the guilt Kyle had infused in her. She understood the severity of addiction, it was a selfless, arrogant habit. She had learned under her parents and her brother Chris that under addiction, it was all about the satisfaction of the individual, to erase, to cover, to forget. Yet here, in front of her, sat Kyle, revealing the importance his sister played in him.

“Kyle” her voice waivered “I never knew, I never understood what being worthy of love felt like, till your sister came into my life. My parents were addicts, my mother would beat me up, my brother who was my protector fell under addiction. Everyone in my life has always been toxic” She confessed. “It was easier to push Ali away than to deal with unfamiliar territory, to try to understand what happiness could feel like. But I promise you, I absolutely promise you that I am done pushing her away.”

  
A strong hand landed on leg, a comforting squeeze emitting warmth. Looking up, she was met by an understanding, almost proud Kyle Krieger.

“Before my relapse, my counselor explained something to me, it helped me come to terms about my father, about every crap I have gone through.” He preempted. “You have to meet people at the level they are, and love them at the level they can receive it. Some people love in volumes, they are people who have 10-gallons of love to give. Other people, other people only have 1-pint of love to give. And maybe they’re giving you all the love they can give you, and that still wont be enough because you have so much love to give and receive. Ashlyn my father was a 1-pint man, he didn’t know how to love unconditionally, he didn’t know how to grow his love. You, you we’re born a 10-gallon person in a 1-pint size family.” She went to interrupt Kyle but was quickly turned away.

“You are, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. You didn’t have to come visit me. You could have pretended I never existed. You could have told Bill to interrupt my time with my sister and gained some brownie points by letting her see you here. Yet you didn’t. You being here is a reflection of how much you understand and care for my sister. Yes, your childhood sucked, and yes mine sucked too, but guess what- we are 10-gallon people. We have so much more love to give and receive, and through those doors, a woman with 20-gallons worth to give is miserable because of you and me. Now, I am exhausted of letting her down and I am exhausted of limiting myself to the love I can receive. But I am choosing to do something about it, and so can you.”

Being a soccer star, a savior figure of sorts, always meant she was surrounded by pleasers. Individuals wo were more concerned with being on her good side than telling her the truth. Perhaps, her and Kyle were able to bond because they understood the sadness behind each other’s eyes, or perhaps she had been doing a disservice to herself all these years, only allowing those people in her life.

She almost felt a rush of thankfulness run through her that Hope had pushed Ali into her life. The PR mastermind clearly did know something Ashlyn hadn’t known at the time. She knew she had to make amends with the woman.

“I don’t often hear those words when someone is describing me” She placed her own hand onto of Kyle’s which still laid on her knee, giving it a squeeze. “I promise you that I will do everything in my power to to right by your sister.” She looked around frowning at the small space they were in “And by you…”

Their conversation was cut short as Ali’s head peeked around the corner, a frown replacing her curiosity, as she made her way towards Ashlyn and Kyle. There wasn't a woman more beautiful than Ali but that she had always known. _That_ fact had always bothered her until now. Her loose curls bounced on down the side of her head as she walked with even more unruly stray hairs framing her face. Dressed in black tights and a loose off the shoulder sweater, showing her strong shoulder and collarbone. Ashlyn could feel her frustration dissipating, morphing into something she wasn't sure she could satiate like she wanted.

"You're following me now?" Ali interrogated her words clipped and scared, having just found the blonde in the center, and talking to her brother.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait, what, I posted twice in one week. The world must be ending haha. I hope you guys like this chapter as it plays a vital role in Ali and Ashlyn's relationship moving forward. I'm hoping to maybe have the next chapter out by the end of next week but I'm moving into my campus on Monday and kicking off my senior year of college with a crazy schedule, but here is hoping!! We have about 4 more chapters left I would say. 
> 
> The 10-gallon metaphor is actually taken from one o fly favorite Oprah videos, it allowed me to comprehend a lot of my own childhood and troubles with my mother in terms of my sexuality, highly recommend watching it, it's called "Do you have a 10-gallon capacity for Love."


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